Do you think your sexuality is a big part of your identity?

Hi!

I'm an active Twitter user and I have friends there. Not a long time ago, my asexual friend told me they think being asexual shapes who they are and how they perceive world. I began to ask other people what do they think about that. Some of them stated, that being hetero/gay/lesbian/etc. is a big part of who they are. I'm curious about your opinion on that matter. Please, let me know!

I do not think being hetero has much influence on my life but I believe that is because I am what the mainstream would consider "normal" ( I hate that word!) I have never had to worry about who I love or what other people think of my sexuality. I have never had to worry about being attacked or having a hate crime perpetuated against me. I wasn't an adult during the 80's watching all my friends die of Aids. I never had to fake my sexuality because it wasn't socially acceptable. In this way I have experienced privilege because I am straight. Many LGTBQ people experience prejudice, bias and stereotyping. They grow up in shame and hiding who they love out of fear that their loved ones will disown or hate them. They have to worry more about their physical safety and many undergo years of bullying. So I guess this is my roundabout way of saying my sexuality is just there and I think people who's sexuality strays from the status quo have a whole different feeling when it comes to their sexuality and its impact on how they live their lives.

I totally feel that it is, for me. I can't see how it can't be. But, in conjunction with what sarah said, I say this as a gay man in a world where there is still division of identity labels. My entire world view and interaction with the world is through the lens of my sexual identity. As I continue to accept that, I sometimes consider the whole notion of "my sexuality is only one part of who I am" as a principle of LGBT equality. While I get that and support it as part of the argument that, in the larger picture, people are people, equal on all counts, I also must argue that our sexualities do separate us in some things, especially when it comes to consumerism. We still need our own safe spaces. We still need our stories to be represented in media. We still need products created and marketed for our communities. Unless we actually lived in a world undivided by labels of gender, race, class, sexuality, religion, etc. I cannot see how our sexualities wouldn't be a significant part of our identities.

I don’t believe that your sexuality should shape a large part of your world.
It’s only as big a part as you make it. No one should flaunt their sexuality on the outside world. And if it defines you , inside , then I believe your missing out on a lot of what makes us human. The many different parts. Can’t people , all , including heterosexuals , keep their sexual preferences in their bedrooms ?

Quote:

Originally Posted by continuosly blue I don’t believe that your sexuality should shape a large part of your world. It’s only as big a part as you make it. No one should flaunt their sexuality on the outside world. And if it defines you , inside , then I believe your missing out on a lot of what makes us human. The many different parts. Can’t people , all , including heterosexuals , keep their sexual preferences in their bedrooms ?

Some people prefer not to hide it. And for someone who may have been marginalized or discriminated against because of their sexuality it may be more empowering for them to share it openly.

Yes, I think it becomes more significant or even major to a person's identity when their form of sexuality is considered taboo or rare...that could go either way...someone silently living in shame...or someone out protesting for their voice and rights to be acknowledged.

For me, my sexuality is important to me but I'm not sure that I'd call it a big part of my identity. Though without it, I would feel different or sad so it must be at least a significant part of my Self.

I totally agree!

No I don’t think it is. It’s nobody else’s business. I want to be treated with respect and kindness and I want to treat others exactly the same and I don’t care about anything else.

This is a really interesting thread. Thanks BroccoliofLife! Are some folks saying that if sexuality were to be a big part of a person's identity, that must mean that they are flaunting it somehow? Or am I misunderstanding? Some people are much more sexual than others but I don't think that would inherently mean bothering others with their sexuality, right?

I think of sexuality in the same way as other human traits and behaviors. Existing along a continuum with a lot of degrees of variation.

What would be an example of someone "flaunting their sexuality outside the bedroom?" I'm genuinely curious....so many different perceptions of sexuality! It fascinates me. I wonder if there's a good book on the topic?

Sorry but I have a lot of things I want to say about this.

Great response because I was wondering the same thing, too. And it sounds like you're talking about the Kinsey scale, I think it's called? It's basically a scale that describes a person's sexual orientation and it shows that there are many gray areas.

This comment rubbed me the wrong way because it sounds a lot like when people who are homophobic say things like, "I don't want that in my face" or, exactly as you said, "Keep it in the bedroom". What does "flaunting their sexuality" even mean? Why shouldn't people "flaunt" their sexuality? Why shouldn't we be proud of ourselves in a world that basically wants us dead? And I'm not being extreme because there are still places in this world where being gay is illegal and you can get murdered for that.

My sexuality is a big part of who I am and I honestly don't think I'm missing out on life. Quite the contrary, exactly. When I started being and showing that I was proud of myself, I started getting more confident. My queerness makes me confident because I'm living in a world where people hate me for that.

If that's me, and everyone else, flaunting my sexuality, then it sucks if that offends you, because it sounds like it does.

Thanks for starting this thread. It's a very interesting one, especially since I've heard this before and it's always been a bit of a controversial topic. For me, my sexuality is a big part of who I am. I'm a part of many marginalized communities; I'm black, I'm queer, I'm on the trans spectrum. So I face a lot of discrimination in many areas of my life.

It's a big part of who I am because being yourself is an act of resistance. I'm tired of constantly hiding in my discomfort to make other people comfortable. Just because it's a big part of who I am does not mean I'm not fully living my life. Many parts of my identity are big and very important to me. I'm not going to hide who I am but, unfortunately, that can come with drastic consequences.

Sarahsweets had a great reply and I want to thank them for their response because they're right. Straight people cannot understand what it's like to be queer/LGBTQIA. Being heterosexual is the "standard". They cannot know what we go through on a daily basis, which is why they probably have never had to think about this.

Thank you for saying this. Your responses are on point. It's definitely empowering for me to be open about my identities, for sure. I'm too tired of hiding and being quiet, making myself smaller for others, and I was tired of hearing about everyone else's relationships while having to keep quiet about myself. So I stopped caring as much.

So yes, being open gives me confidence.

Thank you for sharing your truth with us Starry Prince. I actually enjoy discussions about sexuality....it's fascinating but also important to be mindful of how different humans vary and that diversity is beautiful...we don't need to fear it.

There is way too much judgment in the world about who other people are attracted to...when you think about it that's not only deeply intrusive but also really bizarre! Why should anyone else care about someone else's sexuality unless it's out of genuine curiosity and a desire to learn. When parents reject their children after finding out that they are gay, I cannot fathom that response at all. Why would it matter?

You might like to join us on this thread Starry Prince...
Why are sexual discussions so challenging for humans?

No pressure though. Have a wonderful day!