what is wrong with me? gonna be quite sexual

i've had this problem for a year or 2 now. it both disgusts me and is INCREDIBLY exciting. for most of my life i thought the idea of sending nude pics and stuff was disgusting and wrong and i didn't understand peoples fascination with it. until i tried it. i get addicted to random things so easily. i get addicted to simple actions or feeling and i will do anything to satisfy that craving. i was only 16 and saying i was 18 just to get myself a partner to do things with (not irl things, just online. i'm still a virgin irl and) and i did this for almost half a year obsessively , with anyone i attracted to me. until i tried selling stuff to try to get a toy( ive never had an orgasm and was and am in a constant state of severe sexual frustration and since i didnt want to have sec irl i wanted to try that) and my mom found the package. she took my phone for almost half a year. as soon as the temptation is gone, i feel like i can go without it, like i can get better but each time i get my phone back i try again. i've had it taken for the last time a few hours ago. she said i'm never getting it back even though i was the one who paid for it. i practically cant control myself and ive been going between balling my eyes out and gagging in disgust at myself to swearing vengeance on my mother for doing it. im sort of between the 2 rn and this is incredibly hard to type.

if you have questions about the situation don't be afraid to ask.

i hate using this site. i feel like i shouldn't be on here since none of my problems are that severe but i have nobody i can talk to rn since all my friends don't know and will more than likely just end up disgusted in me. im sorry if i offended you. i just didn't know where else to go or what to do so advise would be appreciated

Thanks for sharing your concern. I hope you can find it within yourself not to hate being here on PC too much. There's no "standard" one needs to meet in order to qualify to be here. And I think if you took a poll you'd find a lot of us are here because we have no one else to talk to.

I'm sorry I don't think there is a lot I can offer with regard the concern you raise here. But I noticed no one had replied to your post. So I thought I would. I do know that, in my own case, I have become involved in things on-line that would be quite out of character for me in real life. I think there is a subtle addictive quality about the internet. It allows one to express or perhaps explore (sometimes deeply) hidden parts of one's psyche that one would never express in real life. So perhaps the things you mentioned in your post are simply aspects of your persona that the internet has made it possible for you to bring forth where, did the internet not exist, you would have just kept them hidden? I don't know. I'm just speculating here.

I don't know how old you are. You mentioned you're in a constant state of sexual frustration. It is possible for a person's sex drive to lead them down all sorts of pathways they might otherwise choose not to go down. The news is continuously filled with reports regarding people who did things that, looking back, they wish they had never done but were driven to by their own sex drives. I do think it is most unfortunate your mother took the action she did. You don't need punishment in this situation. You need understanding & support (a good reason to be here on PC I might add.)

I don't know if you see a therapist. But, if you do, perhaps all of this is something that would be good to discuss in therapy? It sounds to me as though you're simply trying to find ways to accommodate the sexual frustration you're feeling. This is something we all go through to one degree or another unless a person happens to be one of the few people who experience no significant sex drive. (To me that sounds as though it would be a pretty good way to live. But I suppose it presents its own problems.)

Anyway... these are my thoughts with regard to your post. Hopefully there will be other members who will have some more insightful thoughts they can share. My best wishes to you...

im 17 which is legal where i live but not necessarily everywhere else and thats usually what i think to rationalize it but still depression kicks in to tell me how wrong and gross it is. i dont have a therapist, it costs too much. ive been trying to rely more on friends instead which has worked a bit , though i cant tell them about this. i deeply hate ranting so this so this is a bit easier since people voluntarily read what ive wrote instead of feeling like they r being forced to listen. though that thought isnt gonna stop me from feeling like i shouldnt be here . ( got off on a tangent , sorry , ADD )

Hi random.
Having other people to talk to is part of what psych is all about. No matter what our problem is.
Sharing our thoughts on what we think is wrong with us and feeling like we are the only people in the world that has this happen to us.
The other part of psych is listening to what others say and hearing the unspoken words each of us say.
Learning to fill the gaps of an answer you can relate to.

Being young and feeling all those hormones racing and trying to navigate your way in the world hasn't really changed.
Just the toys that we use to play with , be it cars planes or phones.
It is always exciting to see how far you can push the limits of society.
We just have to respect other people's views of what we can and shouldn't do.
Your mom was just trying to protect you from the world. But as we know that's what parents do.
Maybe if you talked to her about things and asked how she handled growing up it would be easier for both of you.
Hope that helped.

i tried talking to my mom as a kid. she never felt like listening. recently when she wants to listen she just judges me for my replies. just after i was diagnosed for the 1st time, i mentioned to her that my ADD and anxiety made it hard for me to do things sometimes. she didnt quite yell, but she said rather angrily that i dont have add and im using it to get attention (i was super ashamed of it at the time and never mentioned it to people to avoid judgment) my mental illness that i had struggled with for around 3 years at the time was a phase that i would outgrow and even though i have a disorder, any struggles i have are irrelevant compared to hers.

long story short. i dont feel like i can talk to her about my teen problems. sorry if that was kinda tmi

Sometimes people don't want to hear the truth and I know from my personal experience not everyone wants to know our struggles.
Life sucks for those that have invisible illnesses
It's also hard for parents to admit their child needs help.
Just be willing to accept her and meet her halfway.

but how do you meet someone half way when they refuse to listen to your logic just because you're young? i will tell her something and she wont beleive it until i have shown her physical proof, and when she realizes shes wrong she acts like that was her plan all along and drops the topic( and gets super angry and scary sometimes if i try to defend my side too much). id rather just graduate and move out so i dont have to deal with her until my problems are settled.

Problems only multiply as we get older.
If the only major problem is with using your ph for nudes then there are always different outlets to explore other than using a ph.
I have seen what can happen to a mother /daughter when they both have an illness.
The daughter thought she knew best and took up with a man who treated her like dirt and fractured her spine with steel capped boots. She is now 26 but still has to wear a brace.
They both came together when she was hurt.

Just a true example of what can happen.