Looking for answers about myself

Hello, I'm a new member here. I decided to join and ask this here since I have no one else to turn to. I've always considered myself to be a straight female. I've masturbated since childhood and its something I still do and enjoy. Over time I've noticed my interest in men has ramped up to me wanting to do **** sex to them. I even feel like a have a major case of penis envy going on. I look at mostly gay porn but I also have a few fetishes going on. I don't want to be a man, I love being a woman but there are times I really want to know what it's like to have a penis and have **** sex with a man. Now, the other things is I also what lesbian porn. There are certain aspects of that, that I find extremely arousing and I masturbate to on a regular basis. But I dont want to be with a woman. What does that make me? I'm confused. Is there anyone else out there like me? Thanks for lending an ear.

Hi sweetcheeks96. Welcome!

Penis envy is a some weird archaic Freudian concept that no longer has credibility, so you can disregard that. I think lots of people wonder what it's like to have different anatomy. Your gender is separate from your physical sex, and fantasising about having a penis doesn't mean you want to be a man. A strap-on or sex toy is not necessarily a stand-in for a penis either; it's just a similar shape and fits in bodies and some people enjoy it. You could want to use something penis-shaped to give pleasure without it having anything to do with actual penises. Wanting to give **** sex could also be tied up with domination fantasies as that is how being the 'giver' is usually portrayed.

Everyone has a bum that's capable of enjoying stimulation, so... Doesn't matter who you or your partner are, some people are curious about that and want to have **** sex. It's usually called pegging when it's woman on man, and seems popular enough that there are plenty of straight women and men who do it.

I've read it's common for straight women to enjoy gay and lesbian porn. The kind of porn you watch or fantasies you entertain doesn't have to represent the kind of sex you want to have in reality. I'm a bisexual man with more preference for men in real life, but I usually watch straight porn. I find there is more variety in the themes and "storyline" (yes I pay attention to that ), and I don't need to imagine myself in the position of either person. I'm just watching others have sex on video so it doesn't matter if that is not the kind of sex I would actually prefer - it's not about me, it just looks good or the participants have strong chemistry. I often focus on the fantasy, like I have a kink for older women/younger men pairings and female authority figures, so what I like most is the relationship dynamic rather than the specific sex acts or physical appearances.

I treat porn like it's general human erotica and entertainment; it's people having sex, it's hot to see them enjoying themselves and having orgasms, and it's fun to fantasise about things I wouldn't actually do. Porn can be a way to 'test' your reaction and experiment with what turns you on. Experimenting with gay fantasies doesn't mean you're gay, being curious about something really kinky doesn't mean you'd ever want to try that, etc.

I think it makes sense that straight women would like lesbian porn, as it is all about the woman's body and pleasure. Lesbian porn has a lot more oral sex on women, which is usually lacking in straight porn (yet there are so much blowjobs). Sex acts aside, the whole dynamic and interaction between two women is usually very different too. They may include more foreplay or more gentleness or it may be filmed in a different perspective for example. It doesn't mean you want to actually have sex with a woman. But if you are questioning that, it's fine too. Sexuality is fluid and doesn't fit into neat categories. Straight women liking gay male porn also makes sense, because if you're attracted to men... why not look at men? Two or more attractive men are better than one man. It could also be refreshing to not mentally place yourself in the scene when there are no women to compare yourself to.

Well not sure I am am totally like you but in a way similar, I crossed dressed a lot when I was younger extremely envious of woman's boobs so much so that I had surgery male breast aug so now I have very noticeable boobs. long story short ended up with panic attacks now in therapy be careful what you wish for