What normal sexual development for an under 13 year old?

So I recently started to rethink my sexuality from when I was younger and some things felt off but I'm not sure if this is just normal child development or not. (note that Im ftm now but I gotta talk about my biology in this)

My sexual feelings started around when I was nine years old and tried masterbating in the shower (a massive failure mind you since younger me knew nothing about how vaginas worked and probably would have gotten the thing I was trying to shove into my vagina stuck since it had no base) it mainly just hurt due to how nervous I was. I just got disgusted by the thought of touching it and well putting something in there they I flaked. I'm pretty sure this was also around the time I started thinking about how guys had sex too since I used to ship two guys when I was that age.

I became even more sexual past that point and my first real exposure to porn was a rape yaoi (yaoi is pretty much drawn gay porn) when I was 11 and I often had fantasies about older people and large age gaps where the younger person was my age and the older person would be upwards of 20-30 years older and I had plenty of sexual thoughts about my friends at that point too (Although I didn't admit it to myself since they were my female friends) Past the first exposure I started to read stuff with topics like rape, sexual abuse and stuff like that. Heck a yaoi I liked had a weird rape/incest thing going on in it.

Im pretty sure this is where my ****ed up porn preferences come from since it spiraled into gore, rape, cannibalism and other obscure ****. I used to fantasize about gore heavily in my younger years and become quite obsessed with weird porn blogs.

Im not quite sure how normal any of this is since some of my youth sorta blends together and I have a hard time pinpointing exact years for anything. Also my mind feels extra hazy right now so my memory isnt helping all that much.

I do not think that what is normal for any age is defined. In general the trend is away from even using the term 'normal' in most contexts - "typical", maybe, but not "normal". One reason for it is that "typical" is a statistical reference (an "is"), while "normal" is, well, a normative statement (a "should"). But from what you can glean from this forum if you spend several days reading its archives, you are somewhere in the middle of the range of what can happen to preteens and teens.

More to the point: what is happening in your sex life now? What is the reason for your self-discovery and sort of autobiographic inquiry?

Yeah I definitely should have use 'typical' instead of 'normal' and my sex life right now is non existent (If you dont count hands as viable sex partners that is) and I think I moreso just wanted to get my thoughts somewhere.

I'm just curious what leads to such ****ed up porn preferences in the first place and if becoming sexual at a young age was typical or if it just means other problems. I wont go into my laundry list of fetishes but most would definitely cause concern for the typical person due to there nature.

Try registering on FetLife to see the wide variety of fetishes out there (eye-opening for me), in people who embrace them as opposed to try to fight them. And, read this forum (many pages going back years) to also learn a whole lot. Spend some time reading.