[Flyinhi4ever]

I know that this is my first post and probably not a good first impression but I have got to figure this out!!!
I am generally known as a very kind person who will go out of my way to help other people as well as to avoid hurting anyone. So, this is my weakness, my charachter flaw I supose. I have been married for 17 years, and I have had affairs throughout my marriage. I have not had a lover outside of my marriage for at least 5 years, but the desire is still there. I have simply focused on my education and my career, not allowing time for any new relationships.
I was sexually abused for the first 17 years of my life, the second seventeen I have been married to my current husband. I am a good mom, and my husband is very happy. For years I blamed this problem on my innability to say "no"; but now I can honestly say that I just have no desire to say no. Sex, as it should be, is very sacred to my husband. I was not raised that way and I have difficulty incorperating that in my life.
Whatever the reason, this is definately an issue I need to resolve!! So, if anyone has any advice, about how to get rid of this desire I would really appreciate it because apparently time alone is not doing it!!!

[Perna]

Welcome to PsychCentral (PC), Flyinhi!

I would get a therapist and check out the reasons why you feel the ways you do about sex, what in how you raised has "fed" your desire, and think of ways to deal with it. I like that you were able to focus on other things, education and career. Do you have problems with having sex with your husband, "more"? Would that help at all? I would first try to stay out of situations where the problem comes up? It could be too that you have a sexual addiction of some kind and that could be worked on with a therapist too.

Good luck!

[Rhapsody]

IMO -

When sex has been a major part of any ones young life it will tend to take over and consume in your adult life until you seek some form of counseling to help HEAL the deep inner wounds that were created in you from the past sexual abuse.

Are you in counseling now? - if not please look into it..... YOU will be better off from having talked to a T about this matter in you life and marriage.


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(and) Thanks for Sharing....

[Flyinhi4ever]

Thank you for the warm welcome! My sex life with hubby is very healthy, that has never been an issue. Sexual addiction might be an issue, That is a good point. Thank you

[salukigirl]

i would def. talk to a counselor. usually when people are addictied to something and try to solve the problem alone, they end turning their addiction onto something else. that was one thing they told in counseling was to continue it even if you felt a lot better because addiction taken away from alcohol or cigarettes can quickly turn into sex addiction, porn, narcotics etc... so id be weary about recovering from the addiction to sex but then just becoming addicted to something else.

[Flyinhi4ever]

No, I haven't seen a therapist in quite a few years, honestly I thought I had dealt with it. This seems to be the lingering scar. I was beginning to think the abuse issue was just acop out.
Thank you for your advice!!

[Rhapsody]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Flyinhi4ever said:
I was beginning to think the abuse issue was just acop out.
Thank you for your advice!!

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((( HUGS ))) - from one childhood victim of sexual abuse to another...

The effects left behind will never suffice as a cop out to life or love, but they will always be a controlling factor in our future relationships.