Trauma from medical examinations

I grew up in Russia in a big city. My parents always tried to teach me about being kind and friendly to others. They always tried to forbid me watching cruel movies and movies containing nudity. Obscene language and dirty jokes were a taboo in our family.


I didn't have many friends when I went to school. I was often bullied and considered the ugliest guy in the class.


I was also very embarrassed of being naked. I felt vulnerable even by taking off my t-shirt. I didn't go to swimming lessons because of that.


In my country every year all students have to pass a compulsory medical exam. It consists of several doctors. Some doctors require you to strip down. For me, being naked was the worst part, because nobody asked my consent and I couldn't say no. I was very ashamed of that.

The worst thing happened to me, when I was 15 years old. At that age all boys are required to register for Selective Service and pass an unusual medical exam. During this exam you have to visit all the doctors in underwear only, even the dentist. And wait for your turn in the corridor with other guys. There is almost no privacy and all doors are left open. Also many doctors were very rude. The dentist was playing on her smartphone, and then examined my mouth with her bare hands. When I went home I washed my mouth. Then I told my parents I feel tired and went to bed. I waited until they went to work and started to cry. I couldn't understand why this world is so cruel to me. I didn't do anything wrong and the only reason I had to be naked was that I am a 15 year old boy from Russia. I also couldn't understand, why do only guys have to register for Selective Service. I was laying in bed and crying. It was very cold and I tried to hug my pillow.


The next 2 month I spent in my bed. I got a severe otitis and the doctors tried to cure me with antibiotics.

After my recovery I developed a medical fetish and a BDSM fetish. I also decided to be easy going about nudity and talking about sex. I also turned up to be gay.


However, now I realize that my sexuality wasn't formed correctly. Instead of hugging or kissing I ask my partner to conduct a medical exam or to play Master-Slave. These are the only things, that I like now. These fetishes were hardwired during my childhood.


Many guys don't like my fetishes. They think that I am a weirdo. Are there any ways to get rid of my fetishes and live a normal healthy life?


PS: sorry for my English, I am not a native speaker

Hello, timerider, and welcome to Psych Central! I'm not sure I know what to say to be helpful. I agree that the doctors put you through a lot of trauma, though. That might be affecting your sexual life, such as wanting to play doctor.

Can you talk to a counselor about your trauma?

Sorry to hear you had a rough go it in your youth. I will say that there is nothing inherently wrong with your fetishes. I too am a fan of BDSM. But that doesn’t make me a weirdo. Everybody has their own kinks and a lot are too embarrassed to admit/explore them.

I don’t think you should try and change who you are for the benefits of others. You need to remain truthful with yourself. Which I know is easier said than done. Believe me I wish I would take my own advice.

Keep your chin up and be truthful to yourself.

Hello timerider: Thanks for bringing your concern here to PC. I see this is your first post. So... welcome to Psych Central.

You asked if there are any ways to get rid of your fetishes and live a normal healthy life. Unfortunately nothing I have read anywhere suggests there are any reliable ways to rid oneself of fetishes. As far as I can tell the consensus of opinion (both professional as well as amongst people who have fetishes) seems to be that fetishes are mostly normal & not something that requires, or in general responds to, treatment. What does sometimes require treatment is the distress some individuals experience over having a fetish. And this is where the various types of mental health therapy come in. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is one type of therapy I see suggested in some of what I've read.

So at least from my perspective while you may not be able to get rid of your fetishes, if it is possible for you to receive some variety of mental health therapy for the trauma you endured, this may help you to come to terms with what you experienced & to begin to feel better about yourself in general. And if you can accomplish that, then you may be in a better place, psychologically speaking, to cope with your fetishes. And, who knows? Perhaps becoming more psychologically healthy might just make it possible for you to leave your fetishes behind. There's no guarantee that will happen. But just coming to terms with your traumatic experience, it seems to me, has potential value in-&-of itself.

My best wishes to you. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

Some people find a therapy of sorts in using BDSM with the right partner to help with their trauma. Reenactments or fantasies based on trauma are actually quite common..

Dont feel like you are the only one. I would still recommend a therapist to discuss your feelings, but there is nothing wrong with using BDSM as an expression as well.