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omyplus1
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Default Aug 20, 2019 at 05:16 AM
  #1
Hi,
I am a demisexual man, I am 32 now and never got the sexual attraction to anybody except twice in my lifetime.
More precisely only once in a life time, the first time one only for some transient time.
Even though I want sex (actually I want cuddling, kiss and romance more) but not get attracted to anyone, and don't feel like I will have sex with anyone if I am not strongly connected.
I made a new close friend with whom I was working for a project. He used to remain with me all the time in the morning and evening for the project. Many time he would try to give nonverbal romantic messages, but at the beginnning, I used to ignore it, as I was thinking him as a friend. But after a month I started feeling attracted, it was a very strong attraction and connection. I still used to ignore because I was unsure of the nonverbal signal. I might be misinterpreting the messages, as I like him it might be a bias. Once I directly proposed him, but he just said it's not possible (when we discussed sexuality, I said I am bisexual because I didn't know the term demisexual at that time, he also said he is bisexual) and again the next day he started giving nonverbal romantic signals despite saying he is not interested. When I asked does he want to stay only as a friend, he remained completely silent. I have almost 30 evidence of nonverbal clues, he also left the job for me, as he says. He left after completion of the project, and went the home, lying to me that he will go for a job in Pune. He seems to have some financial problem. But he never went Pune. After he left, I started desperately missing him. We made a fight in telephone because he is not saying the truth about all the evidence. When I ask him to meet me, he is not getting agree and blocking my phone. Now its a year, I have become a full-time entrepreneur and programmer and working as a startup. In the beginning, we decided to work together for the startup, but he has a financial problem so he went for a job instead of unpaid work in a startup. I still miss him, but he is not saying anything other than I am not interested and has blocked all my number. It will take another few months to earn from startup so that I can call him and work together. But I don't know whether he will agree or not, he doesn't allow me to talk on the phone for more than 1 min. During birthday I wished him a happy birthday, he messaged me to buy him a gift, so I send some money. I don't know why he is behaving like this. I have not expected anything from him. But he is not open to his feeling, what he wants, neither allowing me to talk with him. What shall I do? He as created a void in my life, that was never there. Shall I forget him or try more. Trying is so frustrating for me.
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Thanks for this!
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Smile Aug 21, 2019 at 03:19 PM
  #2
Hello omyplus: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I see this is your first post. So... welcome to Psych Central. The relationships forum, here on PC, may also be of interest to you. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/relat...communication/

I'm sorry I don't think I would really be able to offer much with regard to the relationship you describe. Hopefully there will be other PC members who will have insights they can share. My personal inclination would be to suggest you simply forget this guy & move on. Based on what you wrote, it sounds like he has given you ample evidence he's simply not interested.

Here are links to 2 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject of emotional unavailability:

How to Spot Emotional Unavailability

15 Signs You Are in A Relationship with Someone Emotionally Unavailable | Relationship Corner

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
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omyplus1
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Default Aug 21, 2019 at 11:54 PM
  #3
"Based on what you wrote, it sounds like he has given you ample evidence he's simply not interested. " Yes, but there are others evidence that says other way. But I will take your advice and about emotional availability. I have always worried to not to fall in a toxic and unauthentic relationship, but sometimes worst comes in the way, no matter how much cautious you are.
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divine1966
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Default Aug 25, 2019 at 05:16 PM
  #4
He clearly stated that he isn’t interested and even blocked your phone number. I recommend you stop pursuing him as well as don’t send him money anymore. He has some nerve asking for a birthday gift. He shows you zero signs of any interest in you. Maybe just interest in your money. I’d move on. You can do better
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omyplus1
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Default Aug 30, 2019 at 10:26 PM
  #5
@divine1966 Its not that simple, he took my parents phone number and was talking with my father, he also talks with my friends when they call, but not with me. As much I know him, he has too much of self-respect, also a bit of arrogance. But he is behaving differently in telephone. I can't meet face to face, so unable to understand why he is not wanting to meet me.

In the canteen, he will always pay half of the time, even if I say I will pay. I know many friends who don't do this, and who take advantage.

Last edited by bluekoi; Aug 31, 2019 at 11:07 AM.. Reason: Merge posts.
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omyplus1
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Default Aug 31, 2019 at 03:23 PM
  #6
I will forget him, I can't stay with someone who doesn't love me, but I just want to meet him once face to face, so that I can know his response which I was unable to ask when he was present with me because I only realized after he left and wrote all the clues in a notebook, and it's not possible to run away from face to face conversation but he is disconnecting the phone when I ask details.
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