Husband looks at teen girls online

Hello. I'm 36, Married for 15 years with 2 kids: a boy 13 and a girl 8.
I came here today about my issue because I have no one to talk to about it, I certainly don't want to talk to family or friends about it, and I feel I'm gonna burst if I dont get this off my chest and get some advice.
I found out my husband looks at teen girls online. He checks out high school girls in sports team photos and photos on Facebook of high school girls.
He fessed up about the sports teens he was checking out, because I caught him looking. When I questioned why, he claimed it was because he liked their uniforms, 'not the girls', he stated, the uniforms. And then went on to tell me how beautiful he thinks I am and tried very hard to convince me he wasn't a pedophile or sexual predator. He firmly stated again, it was just the uniforms he was looking at. *eyes roll*
I admit after that I snooped on his phone afterwards. You know, to see what else he was into other then "volleyball or soccer uniforms" that just -happened- to be on teen girls. I find pages and pages of Facebook photo galleries of teen girls. Teens posing in front of their lockers at school for gods sake! Our entire relationship he's always checked out woman online. I can deal with that okay, I mean he's a man, that's what they do, right? I can deal with porn, lingerie, models, actresses, nudie mags, even other woman he randomly looks at on Facebook, etc...but the teen girl thing? I cant get over it. I have poured over many, many articles, medical studies, and other forums trying to understand why. Why teen girls?! I can easily deal with all the rest, but teen girls I can't deal with. I mean, our daughter is 8 now, when she's a teen is he gonna go all American Beauty on one of her friends? Is the teen girl the pinnacle of male attraction? Is it never going to get any better for a man, than a nice fresh teen girl? Im old now, far away from my teen years and I've always had big insecurity issues about myself and their getting worse now, knowing I'm getting old and now knowing I'll never measure up to a teen girl fantasy. He worked at a restaurant for a couple years that was struggling to pay its employees. He would get paid maybe once a month if we were lucky. I was on maternity leave after having gave birth to our daughter. As a result of his job not paying him we lost our car and almost the house. I wondered why this married man with 2 kids would stay at a job that didnt pay him? Now that I've stumbled across the teen thing with him, I recall a teen hostess that worked there that he would mention sometimes. Just in passing, casually, something funny she said or some show she watched that they apparently discussed. She was still in high school and he wanted to go to a band concert of hers. He didnt end up going because I was so weirded out this married man with kids would rather spend one of his few evenings off at a high school band concert instead of with his family.
Around the same time I had discovered a **** pic on his phone he had taken of himself at work, in the damn bathroom stall! Funny how he told me they were so busy that day he barely had time to eat. Strange because he had enough time to lock himself in a stall, get his **** hard, and then take a pic...or i wondered if it was hard already?(i did not snoop with this, it was close to christmas and every year I gather our phones together and pick out all the great kids pics and get them printed and send to his mom). I confronted him about the **** pic and he claimed it was meant for me but he forgot to send it. And now I wonder if that pic was meant for Teen Hostess Band girl? Is it normal for 41 yearold men married with kids to be looking at teen photos on Facebook? Or to even go to band concerts of the teen girls they work with?? Should I be worried?? Should i just shrug this off like it's no big deal? When I look at him now all I see are photos of teen girls smiling in front of their lockers and I'm disgusted. Even if he is just looking, I cant help but wonder what he thinks as his eyes rove over these teen girls. Is it sexual? He was a shy, nerdy late bloomer and didnt lose his virginity until he was 22, so obviously he never got any teenage girls in bed back in the day. Is it just a fantasy? Even still all I can think about is all the sexual things he must think when he's looking. It seems so perverted, really. I dont want to confront him, because I'll have to fess up I was snooping, and Im not a regular snooper. Only if I think something is off and I need to further investigate. And also because I believe whatever he tells me he's convinced himself it's the truth.. even if it's not. I feel like I'm being gnawed alive from the inside out over this. My stomach is in constant knots and I feel sick over it all. Anyone have any advice? Am I being crazy about this???

I don't think you should shrug this off. These are all big red flags and your gut feelings are sick for a reason. If he's really staring at galleries of teen girls and eyeballing them at school and work.. inappropriate photos and lurking at a job due to a coworker who is a CHILD. Teens are not mini-adults. They're children. A 41 year old married man of two children shouldn't be this predatory. He should be interested in women his own age. If he wanted to go young, at least the early 20s.

But straight up 13-17 year olds in high school? CHILDREN. end of. even the 18/19 year olds tho technically "adults" its still super cringey.

~ to alter your fate, you must be brave and willing to try something new ~

I think he has a problem that cant be ignored.

A few points from a male perspective:

First of all, yes, red flags all over, you should be seriously concerned. And when you think about "American Beauty", you should look a little closer than that and that is your very own daughter!

Now, I believe to read between the lines that you are not only wondering what to do about it, but also trying to understand what's going on there. I do have a theory about this which *might* be an explanation, although for sure not an excuse.

I believe it is relatively normal for a teenage boy in puberty to fall in love with some girls in school and also have hot phantasies about them as the testosterone kicks in. It is normal to start "dating" then even if it means only this classical "Will you be my date (Yes/No/Maybe)". And if she checks "yes", usually a shy quick kiss is about as far as it gets when you are 14. But you do have phantasies for sure, for example how she looks like naked. This is about what happened to me at that age. Now, luckily for me, I did have some "success" at that age and so I grew out of that just fine when I turned 18, 20, 25 years.

You say that he was shy and nerdy. So, chances are that he got badly humiliated by the girls in his class. What maybe happened is that the few times he dared to ask a girl out, that she didn't say "Umm well, you're a really nice guy and everything, but ... you're not my style, so sorry, no." But he rather got to hear like "OMG, hell will freeze over before I'd go out with such a disgusting freak like you, get lost!". Or something to that extent. I believe that this can be really traumatizing at this age. And according to some theories if trauma happens then an inner part of you gets stuck then and there. A part of you (or maybe an instance of you) remains there at this very age. Have you ever seen an adult having a temper tantrum or showing a really childish behavior and you thought to yourself "Geez, he/she is behaving like a 6 year old"? Well, it could really be that this person had experienced trauma at the age of 6 and gets kicked back by some trigger into this very age. I know today that exactly this happened to me, that for a long time I was trying to make up for that what had happened to me at young age, although not in any sexual way. Or for example there are young women who keep on taking up with 20-30 years older men and just aren’t able to learn from experience. They do it over and over again. The reason for that she might be still seeking her father’s love, attention or acceptance that she never had when she was a child or adolescent. So, it is a possibility that an inner part of your husband still is a 15 year old boy trying to get a date with a 15 year old girl.
That being said, even if this is the case with him, he is an adult now and he is fully responsible for what he is doing. He has to be aware that this is very, very wrong. He has to understand this himself and seek help. Which is possible to find and get over with. If he refuses to, you’ll have to get out sooner or later as hard as it might be.

HolyCow! @Leeloo108
I wish I had paid better attention before.

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Originally Posted by Leeloo108 Our entire relationship he's always checked out woman online. I can deal with that okay, I mean he's a man, that's what they do, right? I can deal with porn, lingerie, models, actresses, nudie mags, even other woman he randomly looks at on Facebook,

See these would be red flag/no-go things for me. "Men being men" is not an idea I subscribe to.

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but the teen girl thing? I cant get over it. I have poured over many, many articles, medical studies, and other forums trying to understand why. Why teen girls?! I can easily deal with all the rest, but teen girls I can't deal with. I mean, our daughter is 8 now, when she's a teen is he gonna go all American Beauty on one of her friends? Is the teen girl the pinnacle of male attraction? Is it never going to get any better for a man, than a nice fresh teen girl?

Nor should you get over it or move past it. Its not just sexual. A predator is turned on by the power they wield over their prey. He thinks teens are hot but how hot would they be if he was able to smooze them with gifts and have sex with them under the bleachers; messing with their fragile self esteem and emotions?

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Im old now, far away from my teen years and I've always had big insecurity issues about myself and their getting worse now, knowing I'm getting old and now knowing I'll never measure up to a teen girl fantasy.

This is NOT about you. It never was. He has you in a completely different category. He could be married to Taylor Swift but he would still want teenaged girls.

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I recall a teen hostess that worked there that he would mention sometimes. Just in passing, casually, something funny she said or some show she watched that they apparently discussed. She was still in high school and he wanted to go to a band concert of hers. He didnt end up going because I was so weirded out this married man with kids would rather spend one of his few evenings off at a high school band concert instead of with his family.

That is called grooming.

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Around the same time I had discovered a **** pic on his phone he had taken of himself at work, in the damn bathroom stall! Funny how he told me they were so busy that day he barely had time to eat. Strange because he had enough time to lock himself in a stall, get his **** hard, and then take a pic...or i wondered if it was hard already? I confronted him about the **** pic and he claimed it was meant for me but he forgot to send it. And now I wonder if that pic was meant for Teen Hostess Band girl?

It could have been for teen band girl or teen facebook girl or the teen down the street. But either way he is at work.

Should I be worried?? Should i just shrug this off like it's no big deal? When I look at him now all I see are photos of teen girls smiling in front of their lockers and I'm disgusted. Even if he is just looking, I cant help but wonder what he thinks as his eyes rove over these teen girls. Is it sexual?[/quote]
You should be beyond worried and you need to follow up on this. How do you know he isnt already abusing a girl or sexting a girl?

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He was a shy, nerdy late bloomer and didnt lose his virginity until he was 22, so obviously he never got any teenage girls in bed back in the day.

This is BS- not even a valid excuse. My husband was nerdy and shy and I was his first and only woman and he lost his virginity at age 21

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I dont want to confront him, because I'll have to fess up I was snooping, and Im not a regular snooper. Only if I think something is off and I need to further investigate. And also because I believe whatever he tells me he's convinced himself it's the truth.. even if it's not. I feel like I'm being gnawed alive from the inside out over this. My stomach is in constant knots and I feel sick over it all. Anyone have any advice? Am I being crazy about this???

No offense but F- - - worrying about him knowing you snooped. This is serious and could lead to a felony and ruining a girls life. NOT to mention its absolutely manipulative and unfaithful to you!