BDSM.. trauma based.

Zedsdead · Sep 19, 2019 at 04:01 PM

I spent years with an abuser, I would possibly say he is the only man I have ever loved and i miss him to this day.
I realize what was done was wrong, but he was so broken that I understand. Our sex life was intense and was one of the main reasons i couldn't let go. He was extremely dominant and i, his sub. Since I haven't seen him in many years, I have never experienced anything like it and my sexuality has waned.

In recent months, I have met a male who is older than I am and we became friends. After confiding in each other we discovered that we both have matching sexual interests. Him dom, I sub. We engage in this type of talk from morning until night. I have never in my life been so aroused.
We have made our first plans to enjoy each other this weekend.

My question is, because this fetish stems from abuse, do you think it could be harmful to my healing? Or because it is strictly kept in the bedroom, be liberating?

Rules have been established within our relationship, purely sexual from my request, safe words and limits etc.

Thoughts?

TunedOut · Sep 20, 2019 at 08:39 AM

If talking to him about it makes you happy and aroused, not upset, it is probably ok to try. All you can do is try to be aware of your feelings during and after. If you find the experience upsetting (or not) then you will have your answer. Many times these things are clearer to me in hindsight. Stay safe.

Zedsdead · Sep 20, 2019 at 08:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TunedOut

If talking to him about it makes you happy and aroused, not upset, it is probably ok to try. All you can do is try to be aware of your feelings during and after. If you find the experience upsetting (or not) then you will have your answer. Many times these things are clearer to me in hindsight. Stay safe.

Good point, I will see how it feels. Any negativity and I will bring it to an end. He is caring and mature enough to understand.

Thank you

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BDSM.. trauma based.

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TunedOut Grand Poohbah Member Since May 2019 Location: USA Posts: 1,525 5 6,987 hugs given	Sep 20, 2019 at 08:39 AM #2 If talking to him about it makes you happy and aroused, not upset, it is probably ok to try. All you can do is try to be aware of your feelings during and after. If you find the experience upsetting (or not) then you will have your answer. Many times these things are clearer to me in hindsight. Stay safe.
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