Am I actually straight?

I'm new so I'm not sure if I'm posting this on the right sector of the website but I just really need other peoples insight on me and my sexuality.

Since a young age I've identified as bisexual but recently my friends have been telling me that they have troubles of seeing me as one. It doesn't help that there is no women that I'm attracted to currently.

Did I think I was bisexual purely because I grew up in an all girls school? Am I actually straight...?

I'm quite certain that I would like sexual relationships with girls but I have no real experience so I wouldn't be 100% sure.

Romantically speaking... I can't exactly picture myself with a woman, i can vaguely see myself being romantic with a man but if I'm honest, I don't think I'm capable of romantic relationships.
I have liked(?) girls before, but even if I have wanted to pursue them, I can't tell the difference between platonic and romantic. I was also younger then, for context I was a pretty emo child so looking back, was I just desperate for connections and I've just mistaken it as intimate?

This is all pretty idiotic, usually people stress about not being heterosexual yet here I am...
I want to assure anyone reading that I am not trying to be offensive or anything, I had some deep (?) crushes in my primary school so I rolled with it and identified as bisexual. I've 'been'(?) bisexual for so long it comes as a shock that I might be anything different.

Thanks for reading all this, it's actually really nice to talk about this whole situation as I mostly feel extremely insensitive when I do haha... <3

Dear lovelyxoxo,

Hi and welcome to the Forums. It is nice to meet you.

You seem wonderfully reflective and insightful to me. I wish I had the knowledge, experience and wisdom to comment intelligently on the things you discuss and ask, but sadly I lack these.

The human brain is very mysterious. I read a lot of scholarly works in psychology, psychiatry and neurology. Usually they begin with words like "even today, the human brain is still poorly understood." It often seems as though the brain has a mind of its own, so to speak. Why the brain moves people in various sexual directions seems very mysterious to me.

Sometimes human behavior doesn't easily fall into categories. Sometimes things fall along a continuum or range. I don't know, but I suspect that sexual inclinations are like this and that there is not just black and white but a whole range of shades of grey. Sometimes it hard to put one's experience and feelings into a little box or category. What do you think?

I hope you find satisfactory answers to the questions you are pose since they are part of your understanding of yourself and identity. So sorry I could not be helpful to you. I hope others will prove to be more helpful to you. I wish you only the best!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

Hello lovelyxoxo: I see this is your first post here on PC. Welcome to Psych Central.

You concluded your post by writing: "it's actually really nice to talk about this whole situation..." I can really relate to that. I'm an older person who has struggled with my gender identity my entire life. And I kept it a closely guarded secret for many decades. I did, just a few years ago, spend some time talking with a gender therapist. And finally having the opportunity to talk about things I had kept secret for so many years was really comforting. Unfortunately I didn't stick with it. (That's another whole story.) But while I was involved with it, it was great!

Quite honestly I can't tell you what your sexual orientation is. The one thing I know, both about gender identity dysphoria as well as sexual orientation, is that both of these types of concerns can be endlessly confusing. (At least it has been for me.) It seems to me you have two choices. One is to find, & work with, a mental health therapist who is experienced in working with individuals who have sexual orientation concerns. The other is to just live your life day-to-day & see how things develop. Perhaps the answers as to whether you are bi-sexual, gay or straight, (or some other label) will simply become clear on their own. My personal preference would be to work with a therapist if you can. Just "letting things roll & seeing what happens" might, potentially, lead you down some unfortunate avenues I would fear. But, then, that's just me.

You wrote: "if I'm honest, I don't think I'm capable of romantic relationships." Do you think it is possible you are asexual? There's a forum website on the internet dedicated to the subject of asexuality. Here's a link just in case you're interested:

The Asexual Visibility and Education Network | asexuality.org

Thanks for the opportunity to reply to your post. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

Welcome! I can't imagine that your crushes in elementary school were of a sexual nature, unless you are talking about grades 7 and up.

I suggest you spend time with people of both sexes, not worrying so much about whether the attraction occurs. But if it does, check out what gender seems to appeal to you most.

You don't say how old you are, but why must you rush to label yourself? Some of us are in old age and still trying to do it!

Right now you might consider yourself asexual, as Skeez suggests. But it could very well be that at some point someone will "turn your crank" and then you can go from there.

If you are female, then sex and love tend to go together. SO, I suggest you not push yourself to decide. But live your life and see what happens.....

wow, I identify with you so much!!! Had close friendships crushes and what not but all 100% friendships and I felt feelings were mutual as happy to communicate but nothing that you can defy as romantic on purpose. I was in an all-girl school too.
Now I feel although model males in magazines - not any porn just ordinary magazines - who are heavy muscles but 100%shaved and have an ordinary good guy look - leave me indifferent. Female models - on the other hand, don`t. But If I sit in reality in front of an ordinary girl, or a guy - I prefer, usually the guy. Is this the same as you?
The funny thing about me is I always thought that certain female images turn me on because of identification. So never thought of myself as a B.I...but 100% straight.

I think that if you have a relationship that is valuable to you, on the personal level - stick to it whatever gender it is. We don`t HAVE to pursue both possibilities just because sometimes we feel like it? We CAN but how much does it matter? What really matters is not the word "straight" or "bi" but how you feel in reality.

First off, a heterosexual doesn't need to be sexually experienced to "know" they're sexually attracted to the opposite sex. They just know. So it's irrelevant that you have no sexual experiences with women when stating you're sexually drawn to them.

Have you been sexually involved with men? Or, are you sexually drawn to men as you are to women? You didn't specify any interest in men. Is it possible you're gay?

Maybe I'm wrong, but I didn't think asexuals were interested in sexual intimacy at all. I understood that they prefer having an emotional connection with a partner.. like a sexless marriage. So with that thinking, I wouldn't classify you as an asexual.

I'm curious what it is about "relationships" that's off-putting for you. Where do you see yourself in 20 years? Single with casual sex encounters?

I remember reading an article once that further defined what "bisexual" was. There were so many subtypes, I was surprised. Maybe Google it and see if you can find it yourself.

In the meantime, if you were to sign up for an online dating site tomorrow, would you be seeking a man or a woman?

The only way you can sort this out is to put yourself out there. Date both and see if you're more inclined one way or the other.

Here's something:

Alternating bisexuals: may have a relationship with a man, and then after that relationship ends, may choose a female partner for a subsequent relationship, and many go back to a male partner next.

Circumstantial bisexuals: primarily heterosexual, but will choose same sex partners only in situations where they have no access to other-sex partners, such as when in jail, in the military, or in a gender-segregated school.

Concurrent relationship bisexuals: have primary relationship with one gender only but have other casual or secondary relationships with people of another gender at the same time.

Conditional bisexuals: either straight or gay/lesbian, but will switch to a relationship with another gender for financial or career gain or for a specific purpose, such as young straight males who become gay prostitutes or lesbians who get married to men in order to gain acceptance from family members or to have children.

Emotional bisexuals: have intimate emotional relationships with both men and women, but only have sexual relationships with one gender.

Integrated bisexuals: have more than one primary relationship at the same time, one with a man and one with a woman.

Exploratory bisexuals: either straight or gay/lesbian, but have sex with another gender just to satisfy curiosity or "see what it's like."

Hedonistic bisexuals: primarily straight or gay/lesbian but will sometimes have sex with another gender primarily for fun or purely sexual satisfaction.

Recreational bisexuals: primarily heterosexual but engage in gay or lesbian sex only when under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol.

Isolated bisexuals: 100% straight or gay/lesbian now but has had at one or more sexual experience with another gender in the past.

Latent bisexuals: completely straight or gay lesbian in behavior but have strong desire for sex with another gender, but have never acted on it.

Motivational bisexuals: straight women who have sex with other women only because a male partner insists on it to titillate him.

Transitional bisexuals: temporarily identify as bisexual while in the process of moving from being straight to being gay or lesbian, or going from being gay or lesbian to being heterosexual.

Highlighted in RED are what stood out to me about you.

QUICK FACTS

Just a few things you need to know about Asexuality.

Asexuality is a sexual orientation not a gender identity.

Asexual people can also be heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, etc., while still being asexual.

Asexual means a lack of sexual attraction, and does not reflect on a persons sexual experiences, knowledge or interests.

The 'A' in LGBT2QIA represents Asexual, Aromantic & Agender.

Ace is a common nickname for Asexuality

Unlike celibacy, which is a choice to abstain from sexual activity, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who a person is, just like any other sexual orientation.

MYTHS ABOUT ASEXUALITY

There's so much misinformation about our Asexual friends, lets clear a few things up

Asexuality is a choice - Nope, Just like other sexual orientations including heterosexuality, homosexuality or bisexuality, Asexuality is not a choice.

Asexuals cannot form deep or meaningful relationships - Asexuals feel the full spectrum of romantic feelings as anyone else, they just have a lack of sexual attraction.

Asexuals don't ever want to have sex - Although for some this is true, there are many asexual individuals who do have sex.

Asexuals just haven't met the right person - This is similar to telling a queer person they just haven’t met the right person of a different gender. Any sexual orientation, including asexuality, is an individual experience.