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Grand Magnate
Member Since Apr 2013
Location: Ontario Land
Posts: 3,591
11 |
#1
I couldn’t hide it any longer.
My gender doesn’t align with my body. It never has. This secret has been with me, since I was a very young girl. The need to address this secret has been getting stronger, and stronger. I can barely tolerate it now. The last year it has been on my mind a lot, probably because I reached some life milestones that liberated me from the confines of society and traditional gender roles. One example is getting a full time job in a male dominated profession. Today I told my psychiatrist (who does therapy). All my secrets are out. It is a strange but pleasant feeling. Her reaction was mostly what I had anticipated. She was supportive and not surprised to learn this about me. I admitted, that I wanted to share this a few years before, but didn’t out of shame. I learned that my psychiatrist consults on gender dysphoria. I was surprised to learn this. She told me that she would be concerned if the client was seeking this to become a different person, and/or reacting to an abandonment. E.g., Client has BPD. My motive is for my gender to match my physical body, so she wasn't worried about me. I felt tremendous relief when I told her that I want to start living as a man now. Now I am going to start this journey. __________________ Dx: Didgee Disorder |
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Bill3, MsLady, oldbutwise, Skeezyks, Uykulu
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Disreputable Old Troll
Member Since Oct 2015
Location: The Star of the North
Posts: 32,762
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#2
Congratulations! I couldn't be happier for you! Gender dysphoria is something I've struggled with my entire life. So I'm intimately familiar with what you've been through. My best wishes for grand success with your transition.
__________________ "I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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Uykulu
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Apr 2013
Location: Ontario Land
Posts: 3,591
11 |
#3
Quote:
Thank you. I kept trying to hide this side about me. For a time I managed to suppress it. After that attempt I only acknowledged it when I was at home alone, but still managed to hide it from everyone. It was getting to be too much. This is ingrained. There is no way I can extirpate it from my mind, no way. I was born like this. __________________ Dx: Didgee Disorder |
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Skeezyks
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Member
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: 186,000 steps from a good sub shop. 300,000 in Canada.
Posts: 40
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#4
Good for you. I know that first step was probably very scary but you did it anyway. Hopefully that will make the rest of them just a litle bit easier. I'd be willing to be that your story is a lot like so many other transmens. Have you considered also joining a transgender support site? A good TG site is a great place to get the information you're probably looking for.
You've got a long road ahead of you guy (yes I know) but I'm rooting for you. __________________ The three greatest words are "I love you". The next two greatest are "mea culpa". |
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Disreputable Old Troll
Member Since Oct 2015
Location: The Star of the North
Posts: 32,762
(SuperPoster!)
8 17.4k hugs
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#5
As we used to say: If you're trans, you're trans for life. It never goes away.
__________________ "I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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The_little_didgee
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Member
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: 186,000 steps from a good sub shop. 300,000 in Canada.
Posts: 40
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#6
Yeah, I know. Can I still identify as a flying spaghetti monster though? It's kind of trans meets sci-fi in a respectable way.
__________________ The three greatest words are "I love you". The next two greatest are "mea culpa". |
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The_little_didgee
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Apr 2013
Location: Ontario Land
Posts: 3,591
11 |
#7
Quote:
Thank you. Yes, my story is very much like other guys. No, I haven't joined any support websites. I have noticed that most information and TG resources out there are for children and young adults. I wish there was more resources for adults (35+). I'm in my early 40s and don't relate to a lot of the content. E.g., my parents won't let me... I've moved out years ago. Do you know of a good TG site? __________________ Dx: Didgee Disorder |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Apr 2013
Location: Ontario Land
Posts: 3,591
11 |
#8
Before I revealed myself, I thought I would regret it afterwards - a good chance that is. There have been no regrets.
For years and years I couldn't help, but wonder if I was just fooling myself or not. Perhaps my gender identification was due to a common type of sexual fantasy. That is what I have always told myself (since puberty), until I realized it wasn't sexual at all. It was my identity, a part of me that goes back to early childhood. I was the girl who longed to be a boy. I feel at peace, something I never ever felt before. It is a strange and foreign feeling. Even telling people hasn't been very difficult and uncomfortable. That will change when I inform my mother, though. I'm worried, because I know she will not take this very well. I'm in no hurry to tell her. A few friends know. My news didn't surprise them, because they saw it. I'm not sure how, but they did. - Hiding oneself doesn't seem to be effective. People can see through it. __________________ Dx: Didgee Disorder |
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Member
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: 186,000 steps from a good sub shop. 300,000 in Canada.
Posts: 40
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#9
For information at Susan's Place (Susan's Place Transgender Resources — We stand at the crossroads of gender balanced on the sharp edge of a knife.) has always been good but I'd avoid the forums. They have some funny ideas about what's acceptable and what's not. I got my butt chewed out for saying I'm transgendered. They told me that word is extremely offensive.
For forums I used to go to crossdressers.com but 10 years ago things started turning into a war. Too many people were intolerant of the other groups. More than some is too many in my book. The transexuals thought the crossdressers were playing dress up. The crossdressers thought the transexuals were drama kings and queens. Everybody wished the rest of us would just up and die already. I haven't been back since. I love Crossdresser Heaven (Crossdresser Heaven – Discover your woman inside!). It's great. If you were born male that is. I just looked at default profile pictures (avatars) and there isn't a single male picture in the lot. Too many of the members (and again some is too many) tend to run roughshod over the GGs. Most of the replies in the Dear Genetic Girls forum are from the crosdressers. The pink fog there is more like pink volcanic gas. There's a link there to Transgender Heaven (transgenderheaven.com), which is for transexuals. Since I'm not a transexual myself I can't really tell you what the forums are like. I recognize a member from CDH on TH. I'll ask her opinion of the site with respect to transmen. looking at the Introductions forum there are male avatars (at least the default one) and I found a post from at least one transman. It might be worth checking out. I'll still ask that member's opinion even just for my own knowledge. I know this isn't much help but hopefully It's a starting place at least. __________________ The three greatest words are "I love you". The next two greatest are "mea culpa". |
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The_little_didgee
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