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Member Since Jun 2020
Location: Rural USA
Posts: 52
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#1
Has anyone here ever have trouble staying aroused or becoming bored during sexual activity with a partner (or even on one's own)?
I haven't had a partner in about 2 years, but when I did, this was often an issue for me. It still is on my own and I avoid any sexual activity (by myself) unless arousal is strong enough that I can't ignore it. I was way more excited about sexual activity with a partner (and almost always initiated) even though it didn't really work at least partly because of the above problem. Now that I'm on my own, I often wonder what the point is. I don't need the frustration of getting aroused and trying to stay aroused and not get bored long enough to get any sort of satisfaction. It's even more frustrating to have to ignore when I am aroused because I can't do anything about it without it ending up being frustrating and empty. I've only had one partner that I was with more than once, so I'm not sure if it's my fault or I'm not attractive enough to attract someone I'm attracted enough to or if there's some other problem. |
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Skeezyks
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Disreputable Old Troll
Member Since Oct 2015
Location: The Star of the North
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#2
Realistically I don't know anything about this. But I noticed you had yet to receive a reply to this post. So I thought I would write one.
My only thoughts, with regard to what you wrote, are that perhaps this is a symptom of depression? Or, in the alternative, perhaps you simply haven't found the right partner... yet? I would guess having your only sexual activity be with yourself would become boring, frustrating & empty after a while. Hopefully there will yet be other PC members who will have more insight into your situation they can share. __________________ "I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Sep 2010
Location: North Carolina
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#3
Maybe finding a partner who is willing to try several different positions might help. Honestly, I've never heard of this issue. Have you tried it with someone interested in oral sex?
And reading a book about sex...... |
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New Member
Member Since Jul 2020
Location: Lake Mills
Posts: 4
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#4
Maybe ask some questions from a professional?
It could be guilt, shame, or quite literally depression as a previous poster mentioned. All of these things will WRECK your libido. Depression is especially tough during our current times. Best wishes to you....hope you find an answer. |
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Member
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: Rural USA
Posts: 52
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#5
I can't imagine finding another partner though. I honestly can't imagine anyone finding me either physically or sexually attractive. And I can't imagine even if I found anyone that they would listen to what I want or need sexually without shaming me, making fun of me, or completely invalidating me and confusing me again about my gender identity.
@Travelinglady Yes, I've been with people interested in oral sex...this will probably make me sound like a jerk, but it took me a while to find something to get out of giving oral sex. Not like I complained about or avoided doing it, but I do struggle with how that is supposed to be satisfying for me on the same level as it is for the other person. I've often wondered if the main issue is not having a penis...I just don't know how to express myself sexually without one...or at least one as small as it is. So my experience of sexual pleasure is almost exclusively from masturbation and orgasm is exclusively from masturbation. But masturbation means I have to interact with my "wrong" genitals and sometimes can't get enough stimulation unless I unless I unfortunately use a vibrator but since that is 100% associated with women's sexuality, there's shame there that I have to resort to that. I didn't have such a hard time with masturbation until after my relationship dissolved and all that gender dysphoria I was able to ignore while pretending to be a girl so a guy would date me (the only person ever remotely interested in a long-term relationship I've met in my nearly 32 years of life) came back and worse than ever. I don't think there are many books on transgender/transmasculine sexuality nor are there many doctors who could understand/help. Based on what I've read what has helped others the most is taking the correct hormones and having a partner that actually listens to and sees you for who you are, but neither may be possible for me. I was hoping someone could relate so there might be something I could do in the meantime. Or if there's any way to really enjoy sex if you are acknowledged as the wrong gender because of your body parts or how to enjoy it with the wrong body parts. |
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Travelinglady
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Sep 2010
Location: North Carolina
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#6
Oh, I didn't understand about the gender issue. Are you a woman who wants to be a man?
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Member
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: Rural USA
Posts: 52
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#7
Well, I was assigned female when I was born but I’ve known for a long time that my mind and soul don’t align with the gender assigned to my body. It’s not like I want this. I want to be normal. I had told my ex about my gender early on in the relationship and it was agreed upon that if we were to be together, I couldn’t transition physically. I thought I could be happy with that and didn’t realize (being naive and inexperienced and all that) that it would also mean a lack of recognition for who I am on the inside.
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Travelinglady
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Sep 2010
Location: North Carolina
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#8
So, you have a female body but a male brain. Honestly, I think you're not going to have much of a sex life unless you use the female parts you have in the process--and that would entail for masturbation, too. And yes, a dildo. Otherwise, how would you have sex?
Since you're no longer under anybody/s restrictions, have you considered male hormones? That would be a start. |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Apr 2013
Location: Ontario Land
Posts: 3,571
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#9
Quote:
I can relate to your experiences. Sexuality is something I struggle with due to my anatomy. I'm transgender, a male in a female's body. When I tried relationships it was nearly impossible to perform. I had to stop pursuing romantic relationships, because it took everything out of me to act and feel sexual. The only joy I get now is from self-pleasure. Creativity has helped me work around the anatomy issues. I've been told hormone therapy will help with this. It may not completely eliminate it though. There are toys and prosthetic devices that can help. Some are specifically for FTM. I haven't tried any of them, yet. __________________ Dx: Didgee Disorder |
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Travelinglady
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Member
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: Rural USA
Posts: 52
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#10
Quote:
And I'm always under society's restrictions for my body. I can just get away with it longer without a partner. But I don't know if I would be allowed to work or even live where I am if I take hormones. How would I ever know if it's safe? How would I avoid everyone I've ever known previously....I can avoid most people, but it might be difficult to avoid my parents for more than a few months or so. Quote:
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Travelinglady
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Sep 2010
Location: North Carolina
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#11
Anatomically, the clitoris can be considered a little penis. After all, it's only with male hormones in the womb that it grows bigger. Think if it that way. Find the clitoris and rub away, making sure to lubricate first. If it helps, use your imagination while at it. I hope that helps. I don't want you to feel unattractive. Think that you are rubbing a big male organ.
I'm not sure how females turned into males find their pleasure with someone else, since it's not possible as yet to give them a penis. Maybe someone else with that experience can tell us better news. :Maybe use a realistic dildo strapped on? |
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Member
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: Rural USA
Posts: 52
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#12
Being on testosterone will also cause some growth as well, just not full growth. I know they make prosthetics that function like the real thing in and outside of the bedroom except for not having feeling/nerve endings on the shaft of course. But they do everything else, it's just not in the budget at the moment. I have a less realistic toy for personal use that simulates the correct anatomy, but it's hard to get it into the right place because what I have now isn't very big. I also have a difficult problem staying aroused consistently enough with my imagination. I would have the same problem with porn too. I also have issues with using lube and touching directly with my hand. I find it more difficult to get a grip (if there's much of any wetness really) and get enough stimulation. It also feels kind of gross to me, at least at this point. I guess before I thought about other with similar anatomy and maybe that made it less gross? But I'm more interested in/attracted to male anatomy at this point so I don't know.
Even with a prosthetic though, I'd have to find a partner who would be okay with that. My ex was only comfortable with me as the bottom during very traditional heterosexual intercourse. I've never had the opportunity to really try much, even within the realm of the fairly mundane/mainstream. |
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Travelinglady
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Travelinglady
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Sep 2010
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 48,354
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#13
Don't give up. I've given all the advice I can. Now it's up to you.
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Member
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: Rural USA
Posts: 52
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#14
And all of a sudden it's like my libido returned with a vengeance. It always got worse around the time of the month my body reminds me I have female organs. Which I always thought was a cruel irony...the one time I really can't do anything about it even in a relationship or even if I was at all okay with a one-night stand. I can't even really take care of it myself...at least what I really need.
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Travelinglady
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