I think I may be obsessed with sex and females

I am Autistic (Aspergers / High Functioning Autism). I have always liked girls. In Primary School I was playing kiss chasey with other children, a girl caught me and kissed me on check. I said to her that she should kiss me on the lips, and she did. In High School I had a top ten girls list and girls knew about it and always wanted to know who was on it.

My testicles did not drop when I was born so I had an operation when I was in primary school. I remember feeling aroused in primary school and use to move in my seat but did not ejaculate because I couldn’t. Then in high school I was in a full classroom and there was a girl either side of me. I felt aroused and moved in my seat and ejaculated in my pants. I also remember being in a tram and felt aroused and moved in my seat and ejaculated in my pants.

That has not happened for a while. But I masturbate three times a week. I am a very autistic masturbator as I do it on the same days. I do that on purpose as I know I could do it more but feel guilty. Over the years I have done it every second day and every day for a little while. I must masturbate slowly as I am afraid, I will ejaculate too quickly.

I am 41 now. I am nervous with girls (teenagers up to over my age). I see girls everywhere – when I am out, on television, movies etc; and I just want to see them naked and have sex with them.
I have lots of fantasies. I love everything about girls – voice, breasts, vagina, hair, skin, legs, eyes, lips etc. Over the years I have bought men’s magazines and porn. I have downloaded pictures (naked and clothed) and videos (porn and sexy girls) from the internet and kept them. I cannot help thinking about girls and sex – it feels like a special interest or an obsession.

Sometimes when I see a girl I like I get a butterfly like fluttering feeling just above my stomach.

I am afraid to go to events that girls will be because I am afraid, I will get obsessed with them. I have told girls that I want female friends, but I think I just want to see them naked and have sex with them.

I went to Church for 30 years of my life and wanted to wait until I lost my virginity. About 10 years ago my Mother and her partner paid for me to see an escort. She just gave me a handjob and blowjob. She asked me if I wanted to have sex with her, but I didn’t think it was right. She was gorgeous. I took a while to ejaculate, but probably because I was nervous. Since then I have seen an escort (same one) twice. The first time she rode me, but I couldn’t feel myself in her. My penis is just under 4 inches and not circumcised. The 2nd time I sat up on the edge of the bed with her on me. I didn’t feel myself in her then either. I am afraid if I had the tightness, I would ejaculate quickly.

I am overweight so I also feel self-conscious with girls. I want to be with an understanding girl who is okay with me being nervous. I do respect girls so much.

I have had one girlfriend who broke up with me after three months over the phone. She gave me handjobs and thought I lasted longer the second time she did it. She let me touch her breasts in the dark and when we kissed, she put her hand in my pants. Even when she didn’t do that I got aroused when we just kissed. She didn’t want to have sex as she wanted some mystery in the relationship. I imagine kissing a girl and I get hard.

I have thought for a while that Girls and sex may be a special interest of mine or an obsession.

Hello FemaleLover: I see this is your first post here on PC. Welcome to Psych Central.

I'm not a mental health professional. But, from what you wrote, it doesn't sound as though there's really a problem here. You simply have a very strong attraction to the female sex. Perhaps your attraction is a bit stronger than is that of other heterosexual men. But I suspect most heterosexual men wouldn't really be far behind you if they were honest about it.

To me, what you wrote sounds similar to fetishes in one sense. Fetishes are generally not considered to be a mental health issue in-&-of themselves. The only circumstances under which a fetish becomes a mental health issue is when it has a negative effect on the person who has the fetish such as guilt, shame, or causing the person to get themselves into situations where they might get into trouble in some way or other. Otherwise fetishes are viewed simply as being harmless quirks of human sexuality... or "kinks" as they are sometimes referred to.

So, in your case, as long as your love of the female sex isn't causing you undue guilt & shame, or causing you to get yourself into trouble (legal or otherwise) then perhaps it's simply a unique part of your psychological make-up & not really something to be unduly concerned about? At least that would be my personal non-professional perspective on the situation given what you wrote. If on the other hand you feel your attraction to the female sex is causing you difficulty, perhaps seeing a mental health therapist who has experience in working with human-sexuality issues may be something to consider.

One thing I did note, in your post, is that you've been viewing & downloading porn. This can have some potential problems that perhaps ought to be noted. Here are links to 5 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject:

The Power of Porn: Attention, Hyperfocus and Dissociation

How Pornography Can Hurt Your Sex Life

Does Watching Porn Affect Intimate Relationships? (Part One: Men)

Sexual Dysfunction: The Escalating Price of Abusing Porn

Legal Traps for Internet Porn Users: 5 Ways You Can Get in Trouble

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.