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Buffy72
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Member Since: Feb 2019
Location: Oregon
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Confused Nov 06, 2020 at 01:50 PM
  #1
80 yr old boyfriend sits in his power recliner and plays with himself all day long.

He fell and broke his femur and hip, was in a nursing and rehab care center for two months. He's been home for about 2 weeks.

He won't help himself. He won't exercise. Sometimes he tells me that he just wants to die.

Now, he has resorted to masturbating all day long.

What can I do? I am totally at a loss.

How do I motivate him, to participate in life?
How do I motivate him to exercise?

I don't want to be in this position, with him. It's not right!
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Thanks for this!
Skeezyks

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Skeezyks
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Trig Nov 07, 2020 at 02:02 PM
  #2
It sounds as though your bf is struggling with depression, which makes sense given his age & all he's been through recently. Even the pain medications he's probably been on (& is perhaps still on) may be contributing to this. The current pandemic situation makes this situation all that much more difficult too.
Possible trigger:
If your bf has family or friends, perhaps arrangements could be made for him to visit with them periodically via Skype or Zoom or something such as that. And perhaps that could at least give him something to look forward to day-to-day.

If your bf doesn't have any in-home seniors' services, & if he'd be willing to consider something like this, then perhaps there might be something of that sort that would be available to him & that could be of help. However you can't help help someone who doesn't want it. So, if your bf simply refuses to consider anything in the way of help, there may not be much you can do. And what this situation may come down to is for you to just do what is necessary to take care of yourself.

Of course, antidepressant medication is always a possibility if your bf would consider it. But I have to tell you, being 72 myself & also saying frequently (to myself) "I just want to die" this is likely a challenging situation at best.
Possible trigger:
And older men also tend, I think, to be pretty contrary. Mental health therapy is another thing people typically suggest for depression. But if your bf is anything like me, the thought of talking through whatever is going on in his head with someone who's probably young enough to be his adult daughter or son, or even a grandchild, doesn't engender much enthusiasm. Personally, I just prefer to be left alone. Your bf may be feeling that way too.

I'm sorry I don't have something more creative & optimistic to suggest. Perhaps other PC members will have better solutions to offer. My best wishes to you both.

P.S. If your bf enjoys being on the internet, there is a forum website for seniors I'm aware of. Perhaps he could join & the interaction with other seniors might help to perk him up. I haven't joined myself. But I do think about it from time-to-time. (There's even one of the forums that's dedicated to members who are 80 & over & on the web.) Here's a link to the website:

Senior chat rooms and senior forums for over 50's chatters

Last edited by Skeezyks; Nov 07, 2020 at 02:16 PM..
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Buffy72
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Default Nov 10, 2020 at 01:20 AM
  #3
Thank you ALL, it's greatly appreciated.

My bf does ordered a computer that will arrive on Friday. That will keep him "very" busy, for awhile. HA! HA!
He has called for psychiatric therapy, but couldn't get in on a Monday. He will try again, tomorrow. I'm sure that will help him in the long run, as he talks to someone (else), besides me!
He's obviously hurting (emotionally), that would explain the masturbation issue.

World events are of great concern, too.
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Thanks for this!
Skeezyks
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