Safety

Hi all,

I was wondering if anyone has ever experienced this. Ever since I started masturbating as a teenager, I would sometimes be confronted with feeling like I wasn't safe. I don't mean safe in a physical sense, I mean emotional safety. When this would happen, I would just stop and try to forget about it.

Later when I started having sex with other people, I felt it again, this lack of emotional safety. It didn't matter if it was a long-term partner or casual partners, I still sometimes felt like I shouldn't be doing it. Like they were a few steps ahead of me, being able to enjoy the act, while I was left behind, trying to find that emotional safety that is needed to be able to open yourself up to someone else.

I didn't grow up in a conservative household, on the contrary. Both my mum and stepdad were very open about sex and okay with casual sex etc. My stepdad collected porn and he didn't try to hide it from me as a kid...it was just a normal thing in our house.

Lately, this feeling only got worse. I'm not currently having sex with a partner, but when I try to masturbate, I sometimes get a horrible feeling of not being safe and I am unable to go on. It's almost like I feel like sex object that is being used against my will....but why do I get this when I'm just masturbating? It's not like I even think about anyone in particular, it's just something that happens regardless. It's almost like my body wants to enjoy it, but my mind screams danger. It would make sense if I had sexual trauma in my history, but as far as I can remember, nothing like that ever happened.

I don't even know if I'm describing this properly...it's such a strange, evasive (but strong and overwhelming) feeling that I just can't figure out. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Many thanks.

Dear Merope,

I have felt something somewhat similar to what you describe. Don't know what causes and contributes to it. Sorry I cannot be helpful to you in this. Hopefully others here will have more insight.

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen