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Elder
Member Since Jan 2010
Location: Where? US
Posts: 5,621
14 101 hugs
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#1
I had a hard session with t today. My mind brought up a thought that I didn't say because I hope it isn't true. The thought was am I more attracted to same gender rather than opposite gender. I've growth up thinking sex was bad, and I could only lean into sexual things after marriage. That my eternal progression would be decreased. I never learned about healthy sexuality. Or even anything about my body.
In session today, I was reminded how unhappy and confused I've been feeling. Like I'm broken. I found a video that shared another's similar experience, and I discovered that I've been shameful for not having connection, infact sabotaging myself out of shame. I labeled myself as a sex addict, but am I? Or will exploring healthy sexuality bring fulfillment and joy to life where I'll choose to live. I've had sui thoughts for so long, because I felt shameful for doing somethings that should be normal! If I had someone I trusted at a young age explain healthy sexuality, I am 100% certain that my life would be totally different. But now as an adult I have the choice to learn healthy behaviors. And I'm terrified, that I can't undo all the prior knowledge that was so far from the real truth. And I know I'm not the only one who has sui thoughts from an adult telling that sex was only to be reserved for marriage. And that sexuality was to be avoided at all costs, because the"natural man" could become too strong and over take the best relationships. |
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