Unsure where I am?

Hey guys,

When I manic I am into guys and want sex. But then I loathe myself for having sex or fun with a guy and am revolted by the look of a penis.

When I'm stable I like both men and women and have felt like this for maybe 20 years or so.

When depressed or not so good I don't want anyone and I think I'm gonna be alone forever.

I have only dated guys, never had sex with them and the relationships have all lasted 1 month. I kinda had a thing with a girl but she broke me way back in 2006.

Is there an identity for me?? I'm so confused I don't know who I am anymore

Dear Miss Laura,

I wish I knew what to say to help but I can't even figure out why my own brain works the way it does. I sure hope you find the answers that will give you peace.

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

Bisexual vs. Pansexual: What’s the Difference? And 14 Other FAQs While trying to help a friend I came across this article and it had some interesting info. I hope it may help you some. Don't let the title fool you it has much more information than just about pansexual and bisexual orientations.

For what it's worth I don't think labels are important. You are you, you like what you like and to hell with what it's called But I do realize that for some people it's a kind of comfort to know they fit in somewhere. That is how my friend is and that's why I researched all this stuff to help her.

P.S. we figured out she is demisexual which until then I'd never heard of. Good luck to you

I am disgusted with a guys penis the thought is revolting. But I find guys attractive. I'm unsure about sex with a girl but I equally like girls too.

I've always thought I was bi-sexual.... but I don't know

I think this is okay. I can see how you might feel that this (being disgusted by someone's penis) may be problematic if you are dating a guy, but I also think that the right person will be ok with it, and maybe, the right person will treat you in a way that makes you want to see his penis at some point. Or not. I jut really think the right people will respect you and what you are and aren't comfortable with. In terms of worrying about being alone, why not take this time to explore who you are? Ok, well, you can't do that during the pandemic in dating, but how about you take this time to learn about yourself on your own, to respect yourself, and accept yourself? I feel like our culture is very.......hetero......in the sense that sex means penis going into a vagina or oral sex. Maybe it doesn't have to mean that. I personally think that it's a broader spectrum, sex, and what it means to different people. Such emphasis is placed on a specific kind of sex. There's shouldn't.


Another thing about being "alone"....I think you might mean "lack of romantic relationship." There's many kinds of love and we are never alone, and at the same time, we all die alone. That's not to be bleak. And What about people who have been married and are now divorced or widowed? Are they alone? If you have good friends and family and self respect and passion in life, you aren't alone. Live a good life and focus on being healthy and happy. That doesn't have to include a partner, even though society weirdly teaches us that it does. I question this. If you want resources on this let me know. Edit: I reread your posts and it doesn't seem like the worry of "being alone" is an issue for you. Apologies. I got my own thoughts in there, lol.


In terms of women, I don't have experience with women myself. But if that's something you're curious about, nothing wrong with that.


There's nothing wrong with you.

I am Catholic and my parents are very anti gay.... they just don't get it. So I would never come out to them as this would cause a lot of problems. I have no real friends they have all ignored me. So I'm left with 3 friends who all have mh issues and my Twin. It's hard talking about this in realise so I keep quiet. But have been opening up to my Therapist about this recently.

Yeah being alone although sucks doesn't bother me I have lived 20 years being alone. I was just kinda hoping for companionship by this age... I'm 36. Don't want to be a spinster with a million cats (a) I'm not an animal lover and (b) can't see this happing... but you get me.

Honestly I had sex in December and I felt physically sick while doing so. This isn't a new thing but when manic I seek attention from guys. So it's problematic.

I just need someone to help me suss out who I am, where I sit in sexuality and how to move on. I need this as it's a vicious circle I have been in for 20 years.

** I am attracted to both men and women who are both older and younger than me. I am attracted to the attachment I have with them. I can become overly attached. Which is what I am afraid of doing thus ruining the relationship **

I am demisexual. You are only attracted to people you have a close relationship with. But I never want to have sex with anyone. I just get nonsexual crushes on certain people. Everyone I see looks normal to me. But I have a crush on my therapist because I’ve been working with her so closely for almost 2 years.

Honestly she doesn’t even really turn me on. Although sometimes she says something that really makes me flood my basement. But lately since November it’s just been a sort of small crush. It’s kinda a weird thing I have going with her.

I’m basically just turned on by things.