Addicted to paid-for sex

virgiltracey · Jan 21, 2008 at 07:07 PM

I have been indulging in paid-for sex for 30 years, either side of marriage. Every time I do it, I am filled with self-loathing, and say "never again". However, after a few weeks/months, I am planning my next encounter. I get myself worked up into a frenzy of anticipation to a point where there is no going back, and I have to follow it through.
I started out going to massage parlours, and my tastes have got progressively more extreme. I have even become bisexual after watching a gay drama on TV, expecting to be repelled, but getting turned on instead, and gratifying myself by visiting a gay sauna. I shudder to think of the money that I have spent on my "hobby" over the years, and I need to break the cycle before I get found out and jeopordise my marriage.

Perna · Jan 21, 2008 at 07:26 PM

Hi, virgiltracey, welcome to PsychCentral (PC). Sounds like you have a sexual addiction. Have you ever been to a therapist or sought help before?

http://psychcentral.com/sexquiz.htm

virgiltracey · Jan 21, 2008 at 07:32 PM

Yes, once. I was advised to treat it as "an aspect of my personality", and not to worry about it. I beg to differ.

youOme · Jan 21, 2008 at 09:21 PM

This type of addiction can be just as devastating as all the others, I definitely recommending getting some help before the %#@&#! hits the fan and your life as you know it becomes something other then easily fixable. You're aware that it is a problem, next step is to seek help from acknowledged sources. I hope the best for you.

Cyran0 · Jan 22, 2008 at 03:07 PM

Virgil, you have all the classic symptoms of sexual addiction. This is a disease and you need help.

You have a hard road ahead but you can do this.

Good luck and be safe.

Cyran0

RiverX · Jan 27, 2008 at 08:13 PM

Hi,
Like everyone has said, it sounds like addiction. I have been in recovery for s. addiction for many years, I know exactly the overwhelming desire and altered reality before acting out.
Since, I discovered personality disorder.

One can recover from both. You may want to ask yourself such questions as - what is it about paid for sex? is it depersonalisation? is it power?
these types of things can give you the clue to some of the underlying stuff. What was good about recovery is I got some abstinence, couldnt have done that alone.

good luck, and if this is helpful, let me know if you'd like me to share more with you.
river.

virgiltracey · Jan 28, 2008 at 08:56 AM

RiverX,

I think that I can sort myself out, posting on another forum has given me even more feedback and has been therapeutic. Why not check it out at
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/interacti...p?t=16952&f=20 .
I have also spoken to someone from saa.recovery, and hope to take part in a telephone meeting soon.
Thanks for your reply, it must have been difficult for you to talk about.

Rhapsody · Jan 28, 2008 at 11:44 AM

I have stayed away from this particular thread on purpose as to not bring back old feelings / hurts that were created in me when I too suffered thru ten years of my husband being addicted to womanizing and porn...... so please know this maybe my only post in here - as to not bring up old demons.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Here are a few LINKS that maybe able to help you in seeking healing from a addiction that is stronger than being addicted to cocaine or heroine...... but never the less can be stopped.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Dr. Douglas Weiss:

http://www.intimatematters.com/

http://www.sexaddict.com/

Recovering Couples:

http://www.recovering-couples.org/index.html

Christian Men Supporting other Men:

http://brothersforchrist.com/

http://www.brothersforchrist.com/onlineresources.html

http://www.newmanmag.com/

http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/

Sexual Recovery Anonymous:

http://sexualrecovery.org/

Sexual Compulsives Anonymous:

http://www.sca-recovery.org/

* * * * * * * * *

virgiltracey · Jan 28, 2008 at 06:16 PM

Thank you Rhapsody, that was a very noble gesture, and the website links have been very helpful.

Regards,
Virgil.

(JD) · Jan 28, 2008 at 06:54 PM

Welcome to PC.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Yes, once. I was advised to treat it as "an aspect of my personality", and not to worry about it. I beg to differ.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

It often takes working with more than one therapist to find someone to trust and work with on any issue. Much more so, I think, when it deals with this type of addiction.

When you heard something from a therapist that you disagreed with, as it seemed to minimize your suffering, why didn't you try to find someone who would treat your addiction and not pass it off as normal human behavior? It must have been difficult to go to therapy in the first place, and yes, a part of you probably wanted to hear it is "ok."

But you know it makes you feel horrible. I'm sure there are many reasons for that. I think it's important to realize this is a symptom of something wrong that you are also battling (or denying.) It could be a long road you are going to begin in healing, but I urge you not to leave it. (((hugs)))

virgiltracey · Jan 29, 2008 at 06:28 PM

Sky,
Thank-you for your kind words.I have actually not paid for sex for 2 months now. I posted because I was spending hours online planning another encounter, and realised that I needed help. I have decided that I will tackle this problem without a therapist. I have also posted on another forum, and I have had plenty of support and advice.

There are plenty of good reasons for staying "clean", but what is really driving me is the desire not to let you and all these other good people down.

I will post again in 6 months time to tell of my progress.

BalishBun · Mar 02, 2008 at 12:16 PM

You are not the only one (not me i cannot relate) but there a lot of people out there just like you.

RiverX · Mar 05, 2008 at 06:38 PM

Hi,
I dont know if your still around here. I checked out the link, and those answers you got there were very confrontative! some of them, how did you feel? did you find that confrontation helpful? I felt in a way they were really quite healthy too, I'm glad you took them well.

I'm getting help now, least, the last thing I did was helpful,.... , did you follow up on any ot these possiblilities?

riverx

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Perna Pandita-in-training Member Since Sep 2006 Location: Maryland Posts: 27,289 (SuperPoster!) 18 550 hugs given	Jan 21, 2008 at 07:26 PM #2 Hi, virgiltracey, welcome to PsychCentral (PC). Sounds like you have a sexual addiction. Have you ever been to a therapist or sought help before? http://psychcentral.com/sexquiz.htm __________________ "Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius
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virgiltracey New Member Member Since Jan 2008 Posts: 5 16	Jan 21, 2008 at 07:32 PM #3 Yes, once. I was advised to treat it as "an aspect of my personality", and not to worry about it. I beg to differ.
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youOme Grand Member Member Since Oct 2007 Location: Some place beyond myself, West Virginia Posts: 999 17	Jan 21, 2008 at 09:21 PM #4 This type of addiction can be just as devastating as all the others, I definitely recommending getting some help before the %#@&#! hits the fan and your life as you know it becomes something other then easily fixable. You're aware that it is a problem, next step is to seek help from acknowledged sources. I hope the best for you.
	Reply With Quote

virgiltracey New Member Member Since Jan 2008 Posts: 5 16	Jan 28, 2008 at 06:16 PM #9 Thank you Rhapsody, that was a very noble gesture, and the website links have been very helpful. Regards, Virgil.
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