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Mountaindewed
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Default Aug 26, 2021 at 02:10 PM
  #1
I was looking around at it a bit this morning because I couldn’t access my Reddit account and now I feel guilty. And gross with myself. Will I get into trouble? Like will I be put on a government watch list and have the FBI come after me? I didn’t look at anything hardcore or even that bad. My phone is going slow now so I wonder if I gave it a virus.

I’ve mentioned this before to one of my therapists and she said it’s ok as long as it’s like legal. And she agreed with me that it is there for people to see or they would take the site or pages down.

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sarahsweets
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Default Aug 26, 2021 at 03:44 PM
  #2
What kind of phone do you have? And no, it is not something that makes you gross, unworthy, disgusting or shameful. its your sexuality, your free time and your body.

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Mountaindewed
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Default Aug 26, 2021 at 04:09 PM
  #3
I have an iPhone 7.

I’m just worried about the government watch lists and FBI guys tracking me and spying on me through my phone and then tracking my location and then knocking on my door to arrest me. It’s really really distressing me. I sent an email to my therapist and asked if I could ask her something that is bothering me. I didn’t want to just jump right into it. I wanted to give her a vague heads up. She replied back and said of course and she’ll respond to the best she can. I told her everything about the watch lists and the FBI guys and I just sounded like a paranoid mess who needs to be IP ASAP. But I hope she can reassure me because I really need it.

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Mountaindewed
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Default Aug 26, 2021 at 04:24 PM
  #4
It’s just masturbating has been super hard for me lately no matter how much lube I use or what kind of lube I use. It can often take half an hour of non stop trying. I have a vibrator but it is super loud and even that doesn’t always work. So after half an hour I just get kind of desperate and I’ll try anything at that point. It makes my physical health better and therefore my mental health is better. It makes my stomach feel better and my moods get better. Like almost instantly I feel relief.

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Default Sep 01, 2021 at 06:43 AM
  #5
Self-pleasure does make you feel better and lighten your mood, but there's also the need to accept that it won't work every time.

That site is fine except for the occasional "junk" e-mail. Of course, they can also introduce a virus. Here in the UK, everyone I know who uses that site has never had "a knock on the door" from the police or other law enforcement.

Your therapist is correct, if it was dodgy then the site would have been taken down long ago.
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Mountaindewed
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Default Sep 01, 2021 at 05:30 PM
  #6
Thank you your reply made me feel better.

My therapist and I talked about it today. She didn’t give me any reassurance or say that doing it was ok and normal. She seemed a bit concerned actually. Not at the site that I was on but how much I had been doing you know. Self pleasure. She asked a lot of questions but didn’t give much feedback when I answered her questions. I think she thinks masturbation is bad. At least frequent at least. That’s the vibe I get from her when I talk about this.

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Default Sep 01, 2021 at 06:51 PM
  #7
She probably think it’s not that it’s bad all in itself but excessive use of it might be a sign of other troubles (you being manic, you having severe anxiety etc). I wish she was a bit more direct if she has concerns.
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Mountaindewed
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Default Oct 08, 2021 at 12:38 PM
  #8
Honestly today I just discovered that they have adult podcasts on Spotify and Spotify is safe and private. Plus they don’t make me feel gross.

I also ordered a very small and quite personal massager today. So I’m hoping it really is quite so I don’t have to look or listen to anything. I can’t do anything for 5 more weeks. And I’m in between getting frustrated and not having a sex drive at all. Which is what happened in March 2020 right after I started my transition and got my first injection. I wanted to get turned on but I couldn’t. Then 2 weeks later after the second shot my libido just exploded.

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Last edited by Mountaindewed; Oct 08, 2021 at 01:21 PM..
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