It’s a sex one - please help me get past this

My partner has started rejecting me in bed and I'm not dealing with it great.

Occasionally, he has performance issues (no porn use that I'm aware of, he is young, no medication), where he either can't come and it takes up to an hour or even two (whilst keeping hard), which in the case we either have to stop without him ejaculating or keep trying. Other times he has no problem.

Lately, he's been trying it on in bed with me and getting hard and then as soon as I touch him - he loses it. He's been having a lot of stress at work, with very late nights and I've noticed often he is too tired to have sex, he's also been having some skin issues (he has a lot of itching and pain due to eczema lower abdomen and legs) which flares up at night. I understand this sort of stuff can be off putting.

However, now it seems like it's every time and our sex life is dwindling and I'm getting constantly turned on and then rejected. I have asked him if there's anything else he needs off me, or if there's other issues, if he's sorting himself out more than usual or any porn use and he has denied this and said there isn't an issue and he feels that due to being more aware of it and more pressured it's happening more often. I have told him it's not fair on me when he is getting home at 10am, waking me up, turning me on and the half an hour later he says 'I'm sorry I can't' and leaves me frustrated!

I have stopped coming on to him over the past year or so too as I've noticed as well that when I initiate then it's like his body doesn't respond to me. I've left it to him over time and put the ball in his court regarding sex.

After this chat we had over it we managed to successfully have sex about ten days ago - when we do it's great and he gets really turned on and hard.

However it's been another week again where he hasn't seemed interested. The other night in bed I tried with him, I noticed his body getting really hot and sweaty when we was kissing, basically he was overheating, so I left him to cool down and when he was calm again I tired again and the same thing happened. There always seems to be some sort of excuse as to why we have to stop.

I could feel the panic rise in me, tried to hold back tears and then when he was falling asleep I went downstairs and had a full blown panic attack😔

The night after it escalated. He saw me in a right state, I had a full on psychosis episode which I think scared him and I’ve been feeling so guilty over it like he knows the real me now and he’s going to leave.

I do struggle with rejection from past emotional abuse with my ex, who used to play horrible games with me and used to reject me regularly (such as messaging girls in bed with me next to him and say I'm hallucinating/deny me sex then wank over my friends pictures etc) and I panicked that night and it was like everything just came crashing down on me again. It's not the first time I've had a panic attack over rejection in bed in this relationship.

I want to understand and I do hope it's just because he is tired or stressed or pressured but I can't help feel but it's me. I feel so ugly and worthless and rejected and it's horrible. I do have self confidence issues from the past, and other issues over sex due to past sexual assault issues but I try my hardest to get past these for my partners sake and it's rarely an issue. When we are intimate I lock these away and they stay out of the bedroom.

We have only been together three years, I know he does have a long standing problem with struggling to come as the first few times he couldn't when we first met due to pressure - but no problem at all with his erections at that time.

It's just slowed down so much on his side and I feel frustrated and worthless. Can anyone give me some words of comfort or some advice, I love him so much and I don't want this to ruin our relationship.

I'm very sorry for what you have been going through.

My suggestion would be for the two of you to make contact with a certified sex therapist, and have that person suggest how best to proceed.

Seeing a therapist does seem like a good idea although I have no experience with this. Wish I knew what to say to help.