how to welcome remote employees (self-chosen name and pronoun issue)

Tart Cherry Jam · Nov 10, 2021 at 06:29 PM

Two remote employees are starting on my team. Both have chosen female names. Both were given male names at birth. The pronouns in both cases are they/them, even though the self-chosen names are female. I have not dealt with such situations. The work arrangement is permanently remote - I won't see them in person. How best to welcome and make feel at ease? One specifically requested that the male name given at birth be used on legal/tax documents only, so I will make sure this is so, but what else can I/we do to create a friendly environment?

SprinkL3 · Nov 11, 2021 at 06:29 AM

Here are some ideas on how to address a gender-neutral, nonbinary persons:

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If in doubt about what that means for someone or to request examples of how to do that in practice, let the person know you want to be supportive and ask the person for more information or examples so that you can get it right.

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No Pronouns - Use My Name (example for someone whose name is “Lan”): “Lan is a writer and wrote that book. Those ideas are Lan’s. I like both Lan and Lan’s ideas.” If the reflexive component was important to communicate a message, you could use alternative language such as “Lan wrote that book unassisted” or “Lan was the sole author of that book.” Some might simply say "Lan wrote the book Lan's self."

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If you need to refer to someone who prefers gender-neutral pronouns in a formal context, you can use the gender-neutral honorific “Mx.” If you’re inviting me to your fancy dinner party, you can address the invitation to “Mx.

Videos about pronouns can be found here.

More about pronouns can be found here.

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What if I don’t know what pronouns someone uses?
If you don’t know what pronouns someone uses, you can do one of three things:

Use “They”: Use singular “they/them/theirs” for this person until you have the opportunity to ask about their pronouns.
Ask!: It’s perfectly acceptable to ask someone what pronouns they use. See the next section for tips and methods!
Use their name: Use their name until you learn their pronouns.
a. Be aware that it can be challenging to do this without practice. Even though we think that we will only use someone’s name instead of pronouns in an attempt to not misgender them, we often use pronouns without realizing it, so it is easy to make a mistake.If someone has told you their pronouns, and you use their name or they instead of the pronouns that they told you, this is still misgendering.

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how to welcome remote employees (self-chosen name and pronoun issue)

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