[iimmscared]

okay, i know everyones probably getting sick of my posts aobut me but im really struggling so heres whats the latest news then i have a question/reason for posting a new thread.

i was with a girl tonight, we did almost everything and i was so into it, until it got down to that part down there, oral was great when she gave that to me, she looked so beautiful etc, but then we got to that area, the smell and look disgusted me like at the time it was okay or whatever but ive never been disgusted by it before, ill be around friends ive hung out with forever and its like i look and i notice that they are attractive but dont know whether im attracted to them or not. i dont know whether im straight or bi or gay. certian things about males attract me like i sometimes think wow a penis is a much better looking thing than a vagina but i dont think id like doing oral or having intercourse with a man, and for intimicay I PREFER WOMEN 110 percent!!!!! i was in that bad relationship, and its like ill be doing stuff wit ha girl and im TOTALLY into it but that part always weirds me out i find every part of a womans body pretty much more attractive, theyre faces are way prettier, body i dont know whatever, i love breasts, but when it comes to that area suddenly im disgusted. i watch tons of porn so theres an image scramble thing i think. i do have occasional thoughts about men but i cant tell if they are fantasies or thoughts cause i have NEVER masterbated to them but there like really intrusive and while erotic i want them to go away. 20 years without this crap, so what is going on???????? intimacy issues? aversion? bi? gay? straight? Any ideas? if more information is needed check my other posts i am at the verge of severe depression cause of this crap. so someone please let me know!!!!

Pat

[salukigirl]

depression can alter your sexuality, your preferences, make you want it more or not want it at all. anti-depressants can do the same thing. Im kinda worried about the watching porn constantly thing. Do you think you might be addicted? That can also do a number on you. Its kind of like a chain reaction, same thing with smoking. When you watch porn it not only changes you at that exact moment but it changes your whole lifestyle. Like when a person stops smoking, they typically also become less promiscuous, curse less etc... its like your brain realizes that youre taking better care of your body and that signals a change in lifestyle. Porn does the same thing. Even if youre not into stuff like S&M or any of that kinda thing, watching porn can make you want that kind of thing. It sets off a chain reaction in your brain when you watch it that much. It can make you confused, it can put even violent thoughts in your head, usually towards women.

If you arent convinced with that (there is an article in another thread about porn explaining it better) then maybe you should just try with a guy. Maybe youre just curious. I know a few guys who, although theyre heterosexual, they don't like performing oral on a girl because they don't like all that either. Same thing with some girls don't like preforming it on guys even though they're straight. The not liking it thing I wouldn't really be too concerned about. I would mostly be worried that all your porn viewing might be doing something to you mentally. Just like any other addiction, it can change people. And often it changes people for the worse including making them like things like beastiality or violence against women because a lot of porns portray violence against women (whether you realize it or not).

[iimmscared]

No I really dont want to try it with a guy, like i feel like my MInd is curious and my body is curious but I would NEver allow myself to do that no matter what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm against that not that I have anything against people who do that just against that for ME because its not the lifestyle I want, I want the american dream: kids and a wife::: THats what I want. I was totally into this girl the other night and all of a sudden when it got down to the vagina i was fine then but like afterwards I was kind of grossed out and I have no idea why!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, What do you think? I don't know what is going on with me!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think the porn thing can make it difficult too.

[salukigirl]

i think you need to ask yourself why you want that. do you honestly want it? or do you want it because thats what youre told to want? holding yourself back will only create resentment towards yourself and the gay community. you need to observe all options and i think maybe youre scared because people around you don't like that lifestyle. ever seen or read death of a salesman? thats about what wanting the "american dream" can do to a person. i think you need to reexamine exactly what you want and find whats right for you.

[blah__x]

dont worry im confused too, immscared..

[Peacemaker]

Please contact me.

Peacemaker

[iimmscared]

No I do want that. I want to have children because I think Id be a great father and growing up I always wanted that pretty wife who I could marry and such and all that. Thats what I honestly want.

So why am i having problems sexually? I DUNNO!

I do believe the porn thing might be doing something with that/.

[Cyran0]

Simply put, I think you need to relax and answer a simple question: what do you like? You can even do it as a list.

- You like breasts, great, check that one off.
- You don't particularly like vaginas (at least, not up close and personal). No problem. Check.
- You like women's faces. Check.

You get the idea. Figure out what you like and that's who you are sexually. Forget labels, expectations, what "should" be, and just figure out what you enjoy. Once you know that, only do that. Don't feel pressure to do what you don't like. It's the same thing for girls, some like giving oral and some don't, but that preference doesn't make them straight or gay; it just dictates whether or not they do that in the bedroom.

Follow your bliss and I think you'll be much happier.

Cyran0

[_Hope_]

(((((((((((((((iimmscared)))))))))))))))))))



I am willing to listen if you want to PM me

[youOme]

I have a friend who suspects he may be bisexual, but then again he questions it. I tell him the only way he will be able to determine what he is, is by being somewhat intimate with a man...maybe a good friend..something. Anyway, if he enjoys it and is aroused then he's probably bi..if it grosses him out then he's straight...right? I don't know, if I personally doubted my sexuality in this way I'd have to find out some how..it would bother me.

[iimmscared]

Sorry for the long reply. I havent been able to get on the internet.

First off, todays the worst day Ive had with this. I go through periods where I think EVERYTHING is okay, then I go through periods where nothing is okay. like for today. I went to bed talking to my beautiful girlfriend, had a sexual dream about two women last night, and then this morning masteIrbated and thought okay im so straight this is all in my head, then masterbated again to the help of porn, found the vagina totally gross looking wasnt turned on and was stirred a bit by the man or so i thought then i thought okay its in my head again now im freaking out. I have no clue whats going on with me, like romantically I can never see myself with a guy, but why is sex with women no longer pleasureable to me? Is it just cause my body needs a break, like my erections most times arent anywhere near as hard so maybe my testesterone is down? I have no idea but I can say that what Im going through feels l;ike hell like i dont want to get out of bed. like theres some moments where im like omg maybe gay sex does feel great omg i imagined a man in my *** omg im gay or omg my friend is attractive crap. Then theres other times where its omg i think im gonna fall for my gf. Then there is this size dispartiy thing like suddenly women are small and it feels weird to me when im with women because of the size disparity. Does that mean Im attracted to men. The thing that makes this so much worse is suddenly i am not as pleasured by having sex with women but I dont know if this is in my head. I REFUSE to act on it with a guy. EVER. I REFUSE.

I dont want that life, I dont want to be close to a guy, I have no romantic affection for guys. I only have romantic affection for women. What is going on?

Thanks.

[_Hope_]

I am sorry your head is spinning so fast, mine does that at times but for many other subjects. I don't understand personally what is going on with you have you tried talking with a Doctor? There is always Q&A with Doc John.

[iimmscared]

porn addiction: i thin ki have a serious sexual images problem: like these images in my head. I had great sex the other day and cant imagine myself with u know so is there any way to get past this? like is that possible or is this just confusion i am just spitballing

[Soidhonia]

Hello iimmscared. Sometimes when you depend on porno to cause sexual excitement then reality comes into question, when you are with someone in person. Your porno watching and sexual control is an addiction, and you know this, and it takes a lot of help to get over the control that porno addictions, or any other addictions have over your life, when it starts to interfere with having a Normal relationship with someone you care for in real life. I would highly suggest seeing a therapist to help you reretionalize your concept of sexual participation in general, and how you feel about women in general as a sexual being. A good therapist can help you manage youe overwhelming confusion you are having a this time. If you want a Normal life and children later in life, you surely do not want to carry this addiction into your married life, it would be destructive to both you and your wife. There should be many therapists in your area that specialize in sexual addiction, or Maybe Doc John could tell you who may ba available to address the concerns you may be having at this time through PM. Take care and good day iimmscares. I hope thing sget better for you soon. Soidhonia..

[iimmscared]

Definitely about hte porn thing Im trying to quit that . heres something else I tried to post this to DOC JOHN and it kept saying "access denied".

So, heres whats going on. I've been straight as an arrow my whole life, barely had even a thought of male to male sexuality and always was addicted to women. I used to have sex with my ex 3 times a day, masterbate with the aid of porn all the time, etc. I always was most attracted to a girls face. However, these things have kinda carried on. I still watch porn all the time, almost to an addiction. I have been dealing with much sexaulity anxiety. First off, It feels like I am like not nearly as attracted to the female body and the vagina looks weird/disgusts me at times now. Why is that? I think I have a sexaul images problem, I probably also suffer from HOCD in that I am dealing with anxiety ill be fine then. I dont know whats going on but one day i feel so gay like i think im crushing guys then i feel its anxiety like. I have no idea what that means. I really dont want that lifestyle nor to be intimate with a man or anythign like that I only want that with women maybe im just bored I dont know. Well whatever is going on I feel very messed up and ashamed and its really taking over my life. What does this mean? Help!

[iimmscared]

Okay so lately theres been this huge struggle to classify what I am and what kind of issue im dealing with. I know i Dont want to be gay and live that lifestyle at all and that my romantic affection and the only thing i want to kiss is a women. I admit i do have some scent of an issue with porn addiction. There is moments where i feel like cuase of htat its a huge sexual images problem. Some days the appearence of the vagina weirds me out, i had sex recently and oral with my new girlfriend and it was extremely pleasurable. Then the thoughts started again. I watched porn for (I HOPE) the last time a week ago and i saw a man and it stirred me, and it uusally doesnt so i wonder if that has to do with porn or whatever but then i watched it later and it didnt do the same thing for me I have no idea. I am going to write more later but i really romantcially like my girlfriend and do NOT want to be gay and have no romantic affection for dudes so what is going on? I think anxiety has also played a huge part in this.

[iimmscared]

So I went to a Therapist yesterday. Everything went nuts for me though cause i thought i was fine and a few hours later I am completely screwed up and all of a sudden couldnt imagine doing anything with a women, all of a sudden etc. I work myself up and sometimes these things happen sometime ahh i know im straight i would never do that with a man i want no intimacy etc so therefore I must be straight. Then its my history- never been nor thought of being with a man, etc. Then, everything goes black and Im fine and then i strart freaking out and sometimes I do still watch porn to check and sometimes things go wrongly. Then they go right again and I dont know what to do or whats going on if this is anxiety or im just some kind of gay guy now or what? Im confused but what am i doing!!!

Pat

Pat