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Old 09-06-2022, 04:59 PM   #21
Tart Cherry Jam
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Default Re: Is masturbation bad for you?

Alice Kate,

I was just writing an email to my OB-GYN about vaginal irritation caused by my new psych drugs, irritation following partner sex and even solo sex, and I crossed out masturbation and replaced it with solo sex in my draft, and sent it off. Somehow there is still stigma and negativity associated with masturbation, even though it does not deserve it. I say "masturbation" when I talk to my psychiatrist/therapist, as I know him very, very well, but I only see the OB-GYN yearly so I was a little embarrassed writing to her.

I do not see the term "solo sex" in print often, but I think it is wonderful and it also means that there is sex solo and sex with partners and neither one is better than the other.

And then I thought of you and your thread. If you change the language (you know, sometimes language matters, although I do not tend to overgeneralize) to "when I engage in solo sex, I often explore power struggle fantasies as they currently turn me on a lot", does it make it any less problematic for you?
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Old 09-07-2022, 12:14 PM   #22
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Default Re: Is masturbation bad for you?

It's a thought, but it's the f word (fantasies) that get's to me more than masturbation. That being said I don't like talking to my therapist about masturbation, and only have done so twice, so using a different phrase seems like a good idea. Solo sex is awesome in english, but it's not my first language and while I often shift to it in session, my therapy is generally in german. I'm gonna look out for a similar phrase in my language

How are things with you and your father?
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Old 09-08-2022, 11:02 AM   #23
Tart Cherry Jam
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Default Re: Is masturbation bad for you?

Oh, I used to be fluent in German, but it was so long ago that coming up with a translation for "solo sex" is most definitely beyond my capabilities.

I am thinking about what I want to write to my father. It is a process. We have not talked in almost 5 years and the nasty thing is, he stopped communicating but represented it to our relatives as if I did.
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Old 09-08-2022, 11:31 AM   #24
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Default Re: Is masturbation bad for you?

Hmmm, that does sound difficult. I wouldn't write anything untrue, not genuine or in any way not resonating with all of you. Honestly, it sounds to me like he should be the one to reach out or at least apologize if and when you do. He caused you much pain and then goes on to blame you for the state of the relationship between you? What a dickhead. That being said, if it resonates with you (no worries if it doesn't), I'd keep it simple, no more than 5 sentences. Something like "hi dad, I've been thinking about ... (e.g. life) ... and would like to give our relationship another chance. Let me know what you think."
Something like that. It doesn't cost you too much effort, you ideally avoid investing much emotion into it and the accompanying devestation if there is no or no positive answer.

You know, I think I might just go with "solo sex" when it comes up. I do strew in some english words here and there and T adapts to them fine. Thanks for giving me the gift of language
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