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Default Aug 28, 2022 at 03:09 AM
  #1
I don't feel shame or guilt or something when I masturbate, but I do fantasize about men using me, abusing me and I wonder if that is an unhealth habbit.

Thoughts?

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Default Aug 28, 2022 at 06:57 AM
  #2
There is nothing wrong with masturbation, but wanting to be abused.......that is a problem....concerning.,
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Default Aug 28, 2022 at 07:59 AM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by AliceKate View Post
I don't feel shame or guilt or something when I masturbate, but I do fantasize about men using me, abusing me and I wonder if that is an unhealth habbit.

Thoughts?
I have similar fantasies.

Possible trigger:
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Default Aug 28, 2022 at 08:00 AM
  #4
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There is nothing wrong with masturbation, but wanting to be abused.......that is a problem....concerning.
Yeah, I think so too, but I am somehow very unclear on the reasoning behind it. Do you mind spelling it out for me?

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Default Aug 28, 2022 at 08:04 AM
  #5
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Originally Posted by downandlonely View Post
I have similar fantasies.
Yeah, I heard that many people have that. I don't get why though. How is it helpful?

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Default Aug 29, 2022 at 05:37 AM
  #6
My answer to the question is no. I don’t believe masturbation is bad for
you. If you can’t get the real thing what else are you supposed to do with all that
built up tension ? Now of course it’s just like anything else. No problem
if done in moderation. But if your going at it 5 times a day I would say you
have an addiction problem. And as far as fantasies go , as long as they just
remain fantasies I don’t see a problem.

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Default Aug 29, 2022 at 07:27 AM
  #7
It is possible that you were abused in the past and trying to recreate or "fix" what happened
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Default Aug 29, 2022 at 08:58 AM
  #8
I don't think there's anything wrong with it, its not hurting others
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Default Aug 29, 2022 at 05:06 PM
  #9
Masturbation can cause anxiety in some people, especially too much masturbation
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Default Aug 29, 2022 at 05:07 PM
  #10
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Yeah, I heard that many people have that. I don't get why though. How is it helpful?
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Default Aug 29, 2022 at 10:25 PM
  #11
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It is possible that you were abused in the past and trying to recreate or "fix" what happened
Short answer? I don't know / I'm not sure.
There's a hint of possible sexual abuse by 2 other kids in my family, but it's a very incomplete memory and it's basically impossible to say without the full memory. My T neither is sure if I have severe childhood trauma or not, as some of my reactions may or may not be linked to trauma. It's clear I was emotionally neglected, but that is as far as clarity goes.

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Default Aug 29, 2022 at 10:31 PM
  #12
Thanks for the many answers! It's interesting that noone has a clue as to why many women fantasize like that. I really don't understand it.
The frequency of masturbation is thankfully not an issue for me. Espacially since starting to take anti-depressants, it has decreased. It was usually about once a week before and is approximately once a month now.

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Default Sep 02, 2022 at 08:17 PM
  #13
I am a woman and I have never had a masturbation fantasy of being abused
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I do not think you can get a valid rational theory behind these fantasies. As stated above, they hurt nobody, so you do not need to feel bad about indulging in them.

Last edited by FooZe; Sep 04, 2022 at 04:36 PM.. Reason: added trigger tags
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Default Sep 03, 2022 at 01:03 PM
  #14
I am sorry about your father. He should not have done that. Still, somehow I hope both you and he are well, and I hope the boundaries are clearly drawn now and you have as much distance from him as you need.

Yes, I guess I feel bad about myself because of those fantasies, and not those alone. They make me feel inadequate. I wonder how I can ever enter a healthy relationship when I am most easily turned on by a power struggle.

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Default Sep 03, 2022 at 10:41 PM
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Default Sep 04, 2022 at 01:10 AM
  #16
I don't feel ashamed per se, I just think it relates to a part of me that is sick... my fantasies are not about men finding me so attractive that they just have to have me. They are about objectifying me, in a way I stop existing, stop being human.

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Default Sep 04, 2022 at 04:18 PM
  #17
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I am sorry about your father. He should not have done that. Still, somehow I hope both you and he are well, and I hope the boundaries are clearly drawn now and you have as much distance from him as you need.

Yes, I guess I feel bad about myself because of those fantasies, and not those alone. They make me feel inadequate. I wonder how I can ever enter a healthy relationship when I am most easily turned on by a power struggle.
Thank you. Thank you very much. It is not all well between me and my father, but somehow this thread gave me the idea of seeking forums specifically for victims of this and seeking advice from them on how to heal and how to move forward in terms of family dynamics. Currently I have maximum distance from my father, but the thing is, I realize that he might die and what I want the most is to be heard. If he could understand that I want to be heard and afterwards we can have a relationship, he can receive care from me in his old age. But I do not want to highjack your thread... thank you.

The main question for you, I think, is: do you get turned on ONLY by power struggle?
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Default Sep 05, 2022 at 02:15 PM
  #18
You have my blessings to hijack my thread, it is not a problem. I hope you will receive what you wish from your father, though I would caution against feeling devestated if you do not. That being said, time is slowly running out for my father too and I, too, move ever so slightly closer to him as death approaches. There are only so many chances we get with our parents. When we are young, they seem infinite, but of course they are not. Be sure you have eyes and ears here to lend comfort and to listen, no matter what.

I am turned on MOSTLY by power struggle. Strong emotions can do that, too, but I avoid those, espacially the good ones. This is not a great way to live life, of course, and my T and me will work on this when we get there, I am sure. Perhaps we already are working on it, for already I feel myself ever so slightly more open to being vulnerable than I did a year ago.

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Default Sep 05, 2022 at 03:16 PM
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You have my blessings to hijack my thread, it is not a problem. I hope you will receive what you wish from your father, though I would caution against feeling devestated if you do not. That being said, time is slowly running out for my father too and I, too, move ever so slightly closer to him as death approaches. There are only so many chances we get with our parents. When we are young, they seem infinite, but of course they are not. Be sure you have eyes and ears here to lend comfort and to listen, no matter what. .
You are absolutely right. I have reread my post and noticed that I wrote that I realize that he might die. I meant to say soon, but it came across as if I am still holding on to the idea of parental immortality. We indeed have only so many chances.

.
Quote:
I am turned on MOSTLY by power struggle. Strong emotions can do that, too, but I avoid those, espacially the good ones. This is not a great way to live life, of course, and my T and me will work on this when we get there, I am sure. Perhaps we already are working on it, for already I feel myself ever so slightly more open to being vulnerable than I did a year ago.
All the best working it out with your T! You have already started and you will see how other emotions, not only those that are "edge" emotions, are valuable and worth exploring.
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Default Sep 05, 2022 at 10:10 PM
  #20
And all the best to you with your father! Thank you for the kind words

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