How to express my feelings and set boundaries

Hi,

I've been seeing someone for three months, and he has some specific fetishes and sadistic behavior. He bites, pinches my breast/crushes them and smacks me hard, and recently introduced a whip without asking for my consent. I’ve tried to keep an open mind and went along with it without saying anything, but the most recent experience was traumatic for me. His aggressive behavior in these moments has been particularly distressing.

I’m not sure how to communicate that I’m not comfortable with these activities and that I’m only open to them occasionally. Any advice on how to express my feelings and set boundaries would be greatly appreciated.

Welcome to MSF, I hope you find the forum as helpful as I have.

Are you still seeing this guy?!

You say "No. Stop. I don't want you to do that."

What are your ages?

My feeling is that you should dump this guy... and fast.

Take time to work on yourself and your boundaries. There's a book called "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud you could look for at your library, or if you want an inexpensive copy, there are used books here: AbeBooks | Shop for Books, Art & Collectibles

You should not "try to keep an open mind". If you want to stay with him, a firm "no" would be easier for him to comprehend and abide by (if possible at all) than "occasionally OK" because that is very ambiguous, unclear and subject to differing interpretations.

Given his predilections, though, most likely your "no" would mean that you and he are not compatible, and I personally do not think that you will lose a lot but dumping him, as TheGal suggested. All I am saying is that IFF any continuous relationship on your terms is possible, a clear, unambiguous rule is better than "occasionally open to".