How did this happen? (kind of explicit)

@Rhapsody: I've seen what infatuation, lust, and love do to people. At my age or at any. It seems like a false sense of security. A false sense of trust. A bunch of falsities. I've always seen love as perhaps something too intense to mess with. Of course, I've never experienced love.

That being said, I don't really want to. I don't really need to. I'm my favorite person, and my friends are close seconds. Why put myself out there and risk so much more. Couples in relationships never seem as honest with each other as friends do. And I don't think it's healthy or wise for someone to depend on any one person that much.

There are so many risks to love, and to most people the benefits outweigh them, but not for me. I don't trust myself with love.

Infatuation, if not love, really screws up people's perceptions. I've seen it happen. If you only knew how many girls like my friend Ben... And the type of personality a person has determines the distortions. Like, I have a friend who likes him but is very underconfident. She assumed he liked every girl but her. My other friend who likes him was slightly more secure, and she thought that he liked her. I don't want to know what delusions I would get if I liked someone!

In most anecdotes, a girl wishes she would've waited because at the time she felt she was in love, but it turns out she really wasn't or she only thought she was. Which gave her the idea it was the right thing to do. This is why I see way more sense in friends with benefits. The love isn't there. The attraction isn't there. So you're totally in control, you're not caught up in their expectations and demands.

Sex and love just don't seem like a safe combination.
Sex and friendship seems totally plausible, the more I think about it.

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magasanguis said:
I don't really want to. I don't really need to. I'm my favorite person, and my friends are close seconds. Why put myself out there and risk so much more. Couples in relationships never seem as honest with each other as friends do. And I don't think it's healthy or wise for someone to depend on any one person that much.

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Very well stated and very mature thinking for someone so young - you will be a great adult and an even better friend as you age.

Haha, thanks.
It does take some effort to uphold my way of thinking. At least with friends at this age, when no one else seems to understand it.

> Fluid transfer... really didn't happen.

As I said - drinking from someone elses drink bottle counts as a fluid transfer. You can get meningitus from drinking from someone elses drink bottle because of the saliva transfer.

With respect to licking penises... Guys have this stuff called 'pre-cum' which is prior to ejactulation and tends to get emitted when they are erect. In the interests of lubrication. Oral sex... Counts of a transmission of fluid in that respect.

Ya get me? Sexual lubrication fluid... Is more risky than saliva... And there are plenty of risks with saliva already.

I'm all for free love and free expression of love... And that was a wonderful thing. But unfortunately... What curbed that slightly... Was a recognition of such things as HIV infection. And then there is meningitus and HPV virus (impacts on cervical cancer) and meningitus risk with saliva.

And so... There are safe sex practices for a reason. Whether you think of it as sexual play or not... Do you really want to be explaining to a future life partner how you contacted whatever infectious disease from sexual play at 15?????

Ya get me?

I'm all for whatever feels right - don't get me wrong.
But look out for your future life partner too: Take care of yourselves.

And yes, that means facing up to the (potential) emotional significance of the current activities etc.

Because... Is that exchange of saliva really worth it when you look at the benefit at the time vs. the costs of contacting meningitus?

Is the licking a penis so appealling when you might contract HPV (and end up with genital warts and / or cervical cancer) and trying to explain that to a life partner / long term relationship / casual relationship even.

Part of the emotional investment... Is in accepting the risk, I think. To have unprotected sex with someone is a significant emotional investment... Because... You are partly risking your life. I mean... If they are infected with HIV then they could kill.

I'm all for free love... But that was an ideal of the 60's.

Medical science has progressed since then.

For better or worse.

(Don't get me wrong - I've engaged in unsafe sex practices that I'm really not proud of. Where I'm really not proud of them, however, is with respect to what I may or may not be carrying that may or may not put my current partner - who I may well love - at risk. If I ended up being HIV positive... Then we would be doomed to a life of condoms for ever... If I ended up being a carrier for genital warts and he wasn't... Well... How much does he love me to have sex with me without a condom? Do you get the picture?????)

But about the fluid transfer thing...
It's impossible for any of us to have any STDs. I mean the type that are contracted only through sexual contact or sexual fluids. As friends, we know each other's sex history. And in our case, there isn't any.

Meningitis was a worry of mine, particularly since my sister caught the viral strain of meningitis (not contagious and typically not fatal, but still a nasty scare that put her in the hospital). But it's habitual for me to offer a friend some of my drink if they say they're thirsty, so all I can say is: how convenient is it that we've been vaccinated against bacterial meningitis, HPV, hepatitis...? Although I suppose it's possible that our doctors don't sterilize needles, so any one of us could have HIV from those same vaccinations.

I just think if sexual activity is going on, our situation is the safest.

Actually, you can get and transmit genital herpes through kissing. Just because it's called 'genital' herpes doesn't mean that's the only place an outbreak can reside. Plus, most people who have herpes don't even realize it - you can transmit herpes when there is no visible sign of it.

Yeah, I've heard a lot about STDs and other communicable diseases, but herpes is still probably the most confusing one for me. Isn't herpes a virus that causes cold sores too? If that's true, I'm thinking we're safe from that because none of us have cold sores, so none of us have the virus... Right?

Wrong - not everyone that has herpes has cold sores. You can have an 'invisible' outbreak and transmit the virus at that time as well. Most people that have herpes don't realize that they do. And most people DO have it.

Also, 'oral' herpes can appear on the mouth or in the genital area. 'Genital' herpes can also appear on the mouth or in the genital area. They are just different strains of the virus - it doesn't mean that the virus limits itself to one area or the other.

http://www.herpesonline.org/faq.html

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magasanguis said:
It's impossible for any of us to have any STDs. I mean the type that are contracted only through sexual contact or sexual fluids. As friends, we know each other's sex history. And in our case, there isn't any.

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Then you are probably correct in assuming that none of you have any type of STD, but the only way to be sure is to be tested...... as fluid can pass from person to person during oral sex even if there is no visual sign of ejaculation.

Please be careful........ as sex is not a game and not to be taken lightly, even with friends.

most people already have herpes. my boyfriend had never had a cold sore ever. i havent had one in over a year but magically one popped up on him. so he had the virus from before, didn't kiss me when i had a cold sore, and still had one pop up. i think that type of the herpes virus is amazingly common and most people do have it whether they have outbreaks or not. and like others have said, just because you dont show signs of an outbreak doesnt mean you cant spread it. you can have sores inside your mouth and not notice and spread it.

Thanks for the info everyone.

Considering we're planning another sleepover during the break, I plan on taking the time to talk to everyone about everything. Even though we aren't sure if this will even happen again. I want them to think about STDs, love vs. sex, any and all risks we've taken or might take in the future regarding our physical health and/or our frienships. I want all of my friends to be as well-informed as everyone here has made me.

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magasanguis said:
I want all of my friends to be as well-informed as everyone here has made me.

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That is a Good Ideal......

and keep in mind this old saying is true "You Sleep with Everyone your Sex Partner has Slept With" - meaning if your partner has been with five girls (so have you) therefore you could catch any thing they may have spread to your sufficient other, and it may not show until you two have ended the relarionship - even years later.

Haha, yep. We've all had that explained to us in sex ed during health class... We even did a skit to go along with it!

Ok, I'm very late to this thread and most of what should be said already has been, so I'll be brief.

I'm not one to dismiss someone because of age as I think people are as old as their intellect and experience makes them, and clearly you are beyond your years in many respects. But I do want to reinforce an idea that's been touched on in this thread that I think is vital in considering your situation.

Each of you are individuals. Each of you are different. Each of you have different motives for engaging in the game and possibly different hopes for the outcome. Each has made certain choices about what they're disclosing to the group about their interests and hopes and it's important to remember that people rarely disclose their every thought and feeling. Each individual also has abstract emotions bubbling up from the subconscious that may or may not be understood or articulated by the particular person (yourself included) to the group. Each member of your group also experiences the friendship in different ways and in such a close knit circle social dynamics are ever shifting and changing according to circumstances, perceived connections, emotions, influences from outside the group and so on. And finally, there's the levels of trust involved and how good or bad each of you are with regards to disclosure and confidence. For example, how would the group or the individuals be effected should word of this game get out?

Because four individuals coming together causes all of these factors, I want you to understand that no level of disclosure, communication, or understanding can completely protect against all outcomes. The hope is that you, your friends, and your friendship will continue without tension, conflict, or hurt, but with so many variables it's vital that you understand that it's a gamble. You simply cannot know for sure and you should reflect on whether or not you want to put your relationships on the line like that. Your friends should also ask themselves if it's worth the threat it poses to your friendship. Because better or worse, sex changes any social relationship (just like any other shared event).

Never forget that everyone experiences life in their own unique way and people invariably surprise each other. I have no intention of telling you what to do but I do want you to carefully consider what's at stake.

Cyran0

@Cyran0 - Your post was very insightful, and it is exactly what I want to say to my friends.

At this point I think I've realized all of the risks involved here, whether beforehand or after talking to people here. I guess I sort of assumed everyone involved gave it the same kind of thought I did. But when we get together the next time, I'm taking it upon myself to talk about these risks and to make sure they understand what they're putting on the line. Physical health, integrity, the current status of our friendships, and future relationships being the main points.

I want them to be totally informed, because I doubt they even considered the possibility that down the line attraction or envy could result from this. Naturally I don't think it will happen, either. But I know it's very common in these situations, so it must be taken into perspective.

They probably thought about STDs, but dismissed the concern, like I did. But at least I know that if my health were in danger, I would have to alert someone, which means I'd have to spill the beans. I'm not sure anyone else thought about if they'd be willing to do that.

And of course they wouldn't think about how this would affect future relationships! That particular topic doesn't matter much to me personally, but I doubt the rest of them could say it doesn't matter to them.

I feel like I am armed with enough knowledge to make my own decisions, but the others might not be. So I believe it's my responsibility as their friend to discuss it with them, in case they don't realize the full magnitude of the situation.