Total lack of sex and frustrations

Hi,

I've been reading through some of the posts on here and kind of relate to some of them. I'm a 34 year old male and have a lot of sexual frustration. The only way I can get sex is by paying for it. I lost my virginity when I was 29 and since then had sex a dozen times up till now by paying for it. Ideally it's not what i want to do but is the only path available. I feel terrible afterwards but what else can I do? I am also scared about picking up STD's. I can't get a girlfriend, not that I haven't tried, I have a 100% failure rate at finding a partner. That's another issue in itself as well as other stuff.

What's normal for sex? How frequent do "normal" people have sex? I think about sex all the time, is that normal? Do I think more about it because I can't get it? Is it wrong to pay for sex? Am i the only one like this or is anyone else the same? I just can't seem to get these things out of my head. Am I a freak? I hear and see around me at times some people saying that they are going mad because they haven't had sex in say 3 or 4 weeks and I am in the position where it can be a year or two for me and being "mad" all that time. I am very shy and took me a very long time even just to get the courage to approach someone for paid sex (about 6 years) for the first time and thinking back on it, it was one of the best experiences I had. I don't have any regrets whatsoever about it and glad that I did on that occassion. She was good with me and I still remember the look of shock on her face when I told her I was a virgin. That was priceless!

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Pingu said:
Is it wrong to pay for sex? Am i the only one like this or is anyone else the same?

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I believe paying for sex is against the law in most states, if you are in the US that is. You are definitely not the only one in this world who has the questions you do. I think many of us wonder what is normal.

well I was 26 when I lost my virginity

me and my wife might have sex once a week.....sometimes longer

however, I masturbate about every other day

....like 99% of red blooded males I think about sex often

your normal

as far as paying for it....ive never tried that route......the hookers around here arent exactly prime grade A meat if you know what I mean

Pingu, well, I'm female but I think your thinking about sex frequently and wanting to have it frequently is very normal. I don't think your problem is your sex drive! I think a more important issue for you is that you have trouble forming relationships with the opposite sex due to shyness, awkwardness, whatever... Could you take a course to help with that? "Overcoming Shyness", or "Talking to the Opposite Sex", or something like that? I see this type of course offered frequently in my city. There you can meet other shy people and sometimes find "friends" there. Or you could try working with a therapist on your shyness and forming relationships? Maybe you are not a therapy guy, but hey, if it works, wouldn't it be worth it?

Best of luck....

I would say thinking about sex most of the time is normal for any red blooded male, and thinking about sex more than one actually has it is normal - for both male & female.

Here's an article you should check out:

http://menshealth.about.com/cs/stds/a/safe_sex.htm

It offers statistics on the number of people who have used prostitutes and goes into std issues.

What is undeniable is that you're taking a terrible risk that may jeopardize your life or, at the very least, your ability to ever get a meaningful partner in the future (dating with an std is much harder than dating while shy).

But I understand the feeling. We need sex, period. And to be in your situation must feel hopeless so I really do sympathize. Just please understand the risk.

And the suggestion about seeing a therapist is a good one, they can help you get past your relationship issues.

Cyran0

Thanks for the replies.

I do know the risks but then there are times when I am feeling at my lowest I don't care about the risks or what happens to me. These are the most dangerous times and because of certain things that have happened recently, that's the way i am feeling now. Because of my past and my failures I feel destined to be lonely all of my life and that's the scariest thing for me. I don't believe I have a future. I did see a therapist just over 2 years ago but didn't quite manage to work through everything and it kind of fell apart. I have been thinking of maybe going back to my therapist but don't know if it would be any better this time round.

My question about is it wrong to pay for sex was more of a moral one and not of what the law states. Personally I don't think it should be illegal, I am breaking the law but I don't care, what else am I meant to do? It's the only option I have. I still feel bad about it though.

You know it is not set in stone how much or how little sex a couple has. My hubbie and I sometimes have sex 4 times a week and another week none at all. I work 3 different shifts and he has his kids every other weekend so it is not set in stone whatsoever.

Funny thing about morality, it's relative. It essentially amounts to agreed upon norms within a culture. Often influenced or even dictated by everything from religion to government, it's a moving target silently agreed upon by society at large.

In western culture prostitution has a precarious position. It is widely regarded as wrong and exploitive/damaging, and yet we silently accept that it goes on. This sort of hypocrisy exists in many facets of our culture and I don't think that will ever change.

So is it wrong? Most people will tell you it's wrong but I'd say examine your own conscience on the matter. You're the one who has to live with the decision. You know how you were raised and what you believe. You know whether or not contributing to the damage of an already damaged woman is going to bother you.

My two cents. And please be safe.

Cyran0

Pingu, if you only addressed SOME of your issues with the first therapist you tried, why not try another? If you are picky you can pick someone that you are truly comfortable with, that you can divulge everything to. I used to be very, very lonely and am not anymore- it can turn around like that!! There are a lot of people pn this board who posted that they were virgins in their late twenties and then proceeded to meet their spouse and live kind of happily ever after, kind of, in a sense....I know what it;s like to see happy couples holding hands and wish it was you....can you get involved in an activity you enjoy and then meet someone who also enjoys it? Prostitution is legal in Nevada so just consider yourself living the life of a native Nevada resident LOL

what you have said in the post remind me of a book by Erich Fromm titled the art of loving. i think the book is very popular in america.

well, i think your problem is just feeling lonely. what you need might not be sex itself but the genuine love from a female.