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Elder
Member Since Feb 2008
Location: Indiana
Posts: 5,720
16 |
#1
recently a lot of posts have turned up about pornography, good or bad
I recently made the decision to eliminate all forms of pornographic material from my life....It was a personal decision based on many factors yes im a sex addict... I dont have any desire to get up on a soap box and spew all the bad things about pornography to anyone on this forum we are free to indulge ourselves however we see fit and whatever choices you make i'm not here to judge over the past 7-8 years I have spent over 15,000 dollars on online services,videos,phone sex, sex mags, sex shops...everything but actually paying a woman for real sex....imagine that my marriage has suffered as well as my spiral into depression and always remember, sexual addiction is not about SEX, but core feelings of lonliness and unworthiness and an inability to forge relationships based on anything but instant gratification |
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Member
Member Since Mar 2008
Posts: 260
16 |
#2
cool, you are so great and so brave to make this post . its nice to know that you have thought it over and finally come to such an abosolute decision. Bravo!
__________________ I am here to help with a ready love...whenever i am online. |
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Poohbah
Member Since Oct 2007
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 1,464
16 2 hugs
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#3
I'm sorry to hear about your struggles Brian and good luck on your continued recovery.
Cyran0 __________________ My blog: http://cyran0.psychcentral.net/ Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, PTSD (childhood physical/sexual abuse), history of drug abuse. Meds: Zoloft, Lorazapam, Coffee, Cigarettes "I may climb perhaps to no great heights, but I will climb alone." -Cyrano de Bergerac |
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Member
Member Since Nov 2007
Location: midwest
Posts: 90
16 |
#4
good for you
__________________ scott88keys |
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Grand Member
Member Since Mar 2008
Posts: 781
16 |
#5
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
and always remember, sexual addiction is not about SEX, but core feelings of lonliness and unworthiness and an inability to forge relationships </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> That statement right there says you know what's really going on. That's what's important. Hope things continue to go better for you. We're all here for you. |
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since May 2007
Location: Florida so glad to be out of Massachusetts!
Posts: 1,664
17 |
#6
Brian I understand...You are brave to divulge what you have here
on PC....Good for you, its good you recognized it. Way to go!!! __________________ |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Jan 2006
Location: Florida
Posts: 9,946
18 1 hugs
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#7
I for one am PROUD of YOU....... for taking a stand against some thing you feel is both hurtful and destructive to you, your wife and your marriage...... Stand Tall.
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2007
Location: Durham,nc
Posts: 5,431
17 173 hugs
given |
#8
You have a lot of good points there, for some, porn can be very consuming, like crack or alcohol and can lead to isolation and alienation of those you love. You have made a great decision in your case and I hope you will see this through, thanks for sharing your experiance, and best of luck on your continued efforts to deal with this.
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#9
hey. i kinda made a decision to eliminate pornography from my life, too. it is something that i feel ambivalent about a lot... but for the most part... i think of the percentage of women who were sexually abused who then 'decided' they wanted to be porn stars and... there is a significant correlation. a significant correlation indeed.
i don't like the messages that are portrayed in porn. s and m themes. the message that women like this (no, most of them who haven't been sexually abused actually don't) the message that virgins actually like this (no, that tends to hurt ESPECIALLY on your first time). the messages of 'this is what it takes to be a "real" man' or a "real women" that are damaging for both sexes... there is a part of me who thinks that orgy's and 'free love' are natural phenomena. like it is for bonobo's. part of a happy healthy society. displacement of agressive impulses and the resolution thereof. but i can't help thinking and seeing that... we are different from the bonobo's. there are different social dynamics in play. of doing what you need to do to be perceived as a "real man" or a "real women" when those stereotypes are... unrealistic. and ultimately... undesirable. a barrier to genuine intimacy. and... a barrier to genuine fun. it is hard, though. i guess what i'm trying to say is that there are plenty of people who are fairly liberal sexually who... think that porn is a negative thing for society. for the most part... a negative thing. i guess i'm one of those people. not just a matter of 'better to not do it if you have trouble controlling it'. but more a matter of 'better to not condone / promote those unrealistic and undesirable stereotypes at all'. hang in there. there is a healthy happy sexuality that exists quite independently of watching the victims of sexual abuse do things that they perceive are the only things that are valuable about them.... |
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Member
Member Since Mar 2008
Location: Lonestar state
Posts: 32
16 |
#10
Good for you Brian! I think it is really stand up to be very open about what you have been through. You are a true inspiration to those who are battling what you have been through. Keep up the good efforts, and it will all be okay, in life for a healthy and beautiful relationships for you.. I think that I will take all advice that was given to me, and make a difference. Thank you Brian.
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 5,042
16 1 hugs
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#11
You're a brave man, I wish you continued success in your battle.
__________________ I've been married for 24 years and have four wonderful children. |
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#12
Brian proud of u. sorry this forum can be potentially triggering for u... there always the choice to remove it from ur view when u log on.. if u want to..
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Grand Member
Member Since Feb 2007
Posts: 758
17 |
#13
I think I wrote about porn before. I have viewed it as a young man and as an adult. I don't really care for it and if I never saw it again I would be ok with that.
For one I think it degrades women. I'm talking hard porn. It is very degrading and violent and abusive toward women. Those men that participate in it are a part of that action. Those that view it are giving consent and financial support to the continued abuse of women. These are not men IMO but animals. Women are to be treated with respect and honored for the ability that they have to repopulate and care for children. To treat them as objects for sexual satisfaction is to do unrepairable damage to their emotional and physical well being. I know I am ranting somewhat but, I have within me the natural male desire to protect women, children and those that cannot protect themselves from harm.Sexual perversion is wrong and it is far too prevelant in this world. I will sign off now before I get too angry......... Eric |
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#14
i wonder...
the trouble i have when i look at porn is that i have these kinds of thoughts occur to me 'if a woman has been sexually abused then she is 4 times more likely to be asked to pose for porn'. stuff like that. so when i look... i wonder about the girl... i wonder what her life story is. i wonder if she feels happy with what she has done and i wonder about what happened in her life for her to feel that way about it... and the guys too. i don't know that they have done studies on the rates of male sexual abuse in males who participate in the porn industry. maybe i'm too idealistic... i don't know... but would reading about porn from that kind of perspective... help those kinds of thoughts occur to you if you do look at porn... such that... it isn't enjoyable anymore? because i guess i find it hard to enjoy it because i am worrying about the participants and their willingness or unwillingness and about the messages it gives to people about sex etc etc. do ya think that might help? i guess i'm just kinda curious about whether people who are into porn don't believe the stats or whether they just put them out of mind while they view porn or whether they simply don't care... i dunno... |
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,840
16 |
#15
good luck to you!
__________________ Do not stand at my grave and weep; I am not there. I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glints on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn's rain. When you awaken in the morning's hush, I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry; I am not there, I did not die. R.I.P. Bandit 7-12-08 I love you I miss you. |
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Elder
Member Since Feb 2008
Location: Indiana
Posts: 5,720
16 |
#16
well if your on the internet, your bound to find porn....so it has been a struggle to say the least
I havent completely eliminated as of yet, but have made some progress..... "just keep swimming, just keep swimming" |
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Account Suspended
Member Since Jun 2008
Posts: 40
16 |
#17
Good job, keep the good work up. Do you have a pop-up blocker or an Internet security feature to remove most pornographic material? It may help out in using the Internet.
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Wise Elder
Member Since Jan 2006
Location: Florida
Posts: 9,946
18 1 hugs
given |
#18
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
AboveAllOthers said: Do you have a pop-up blocker or an Internet security feature to remove most pornographic material? It may help out in using the Internet. </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> This is the one my family used..... it has one low fee for a year - I had the $49.95 per year package. http://bsafehome.com/?17490 |
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