embarrassed to talk about sexual issues

Okay, what I am looking for here is some reassurance. (wow, i have never been this straightforward in my life! )

I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year. For a long time we weren't sexually active.. for about 4, 5 months. Things have really changed since then. You know..

So what we are doing now is using "safe days" and "unsafe days" as contraception... It was kinda my idea... and when I tried to tell him it was okay, telling him I'm not ovulating and stuff like that.. he was all "umm.... ok" and I didn't want to go into details at that very moment because, well.. heh... it wasn't a moment for that kinda stuff

What I want to do now is explain him the idea behind the whole ovulation thing, but neither of us ever talks about our sexual life. We don't even make references! (I hate Finnish culture) So I feel very awkward doing this.

To decrease awkwardness, I have decided it by giving him a link to a Wikipedia article and the link to my ovulation calendar. Hahaha. No seriously, I can't think of anything better.

But even that seems too awkward. I feel like a freak here. Because I am making a reference to our sexual life. What the heck.

Anyone feel like saying "Katie, you're making a big deal out of nothing! Push "send" already!" ?

花鳥風月

c'est tout ce que j'aime

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Katie_Kaboom said:

Anyone feel like saying "Katie, you're making a big deal out of nothing! Push "send" already!" ?



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OK..I'll bite...push send...its a great start Katie to opening up a mature dialog...

Or you might buy a large package of disposable infant diapers and leave it on his desk....LOL..That should get the ball rolling...

Lenny

Haha Lenny! I just might do that! Only it seems a tad more awkward than just sending an e-mail.

Thanks!

花鳥風月

c'est tout ce que j'aime

Its OK - as we all were a little shy when it came to talking about sex with our first lover...... but over time and with experience it gets easier and then watch out... the things we will tell him/her now -

I suggest that you just inform your b/f that it is safe to have sex with out fear of pregnancy the week following your period..... as there is no egg left at that time to be fertilized.

Good Luck......

I suggest using a condom unless you are 100% sure that neither one of you have an STD and it gives you an additional protection (almost 90+%) against getting pregnant.

Just send it, what's the worse that can happen. To be honest, it may confuse him....but it'll show that you know what the heck your talking about.

personally, i dont think you can really have a very good sex life without eventually being open about stuff. i had to tell my boyfriend all about it. but then again ive had ovarian cysts and uterine polyps and didn't want him in the dark with all my health problems. but i would highly suggest just getting over your fear and talking about it. it might bring you closer than you think. condoms should be used no matter what. you don't ovulate the same exact day every month and its difficult to tell when youre ovulating unless you keep track several months in a row and develop a pattern to it.

i think talking about it can teach both of you things. i think, if i went to my boyfriend to talk to him about it, and he took it badly, that would be a sign for me right there. you guys need to be open with each other if youre going to have a good sex life and a good relationship. also, its a HUGE number of people who get herpes and HIV simply because they don't know they have it. Its a little late now for the STDs but its still very possible for the baby thing to happen lol.

and rhap - it is not safe to have sex without a condom the week after your period. everyone is different. you can still ovulate on or right after your period and have an egg ready to be fertilized. its not safe to have it on your period, right before, right after.... nothing. unless youre on birth control, it is NEVER safe to have sex w/o a condom unless youre trying to have kids. simple as that. ask any health teacher.

dont be embarrassed its ur sex life ok and ur doing a ok really just be care full sex dont become like a business meeting were say 8pm get naked 8:15 under covers ect. you know what i mean cuz tht will bring the sex to end all together

I find that if you are going to have sex...you have to be open and mature about sex. I was 17 when I got pregnant with my first child because i was told the "pull out" method works great!! HA! It doesn't. I am proof it doesn't. I am a perfect example of listening to what others said, and being SO naive! So I tried the ovulation thing cause I was told it worked...nope...that's how I have my second daughter. I think the best thing to do (which is what I should have done) is go to the doc. and get on birth control. I think it makes your sex life easier because the last thing on your mind is getting pregnant. Works great for me now. I do think it is important to be CAREFUL when you are having unprotected sex, AIDS and STD's are another big risk you have to worry about, and we all know that birth control will not protect you from that.

Be careful please!!

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salukigirl said:
personally, i dont think you can really have a very good sex life without eventually being open about stuff. i

you guys need to be open with each other if youre going to have a good sex life and a good relationship.


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and thanks for the info

I've never understood why a person is too embarrassed to talk about sex and birth control with their partner, but able to get naked with them. If you're too embarrassed to discuss it, you should be too embarrassed to do it. I don't mean to sound harsh, but that's reality. I would highly suggest another form of birth control, the method that you're using right now is very unreliable. Don't get me started on diseases. If he doesn't care enough about you to use a condom, he's not worth your time.

Yes you are right. i am also feeling problem having sex with my wife. for that i have try levitra 20mg also i got improvement . can i take it for log time if any one know about it then ple reply me..

Using the calendar method is a very bad idea because it limits the number of days on which you can have sex (and why going for that??? What is the reason?), is unreliable, error-prone, and labor-intensive in terms of upkeep. And, no protection against disease. Basically, nothing going for it except for total lack of side effects but then again, it is labor intensive and. Requires a lot of dedication.

So no point.

If you really cannot talk to him about it, at least get on the Pill in the meantime.

They use to call your method of birth control (using safe & unsafe days based on ovulation prediction) the "rhythm method" and there was a good joke about it.

Q: What do you call people who use the rhythm method?
A: PARENTS

I can appreciate your reluctance to talk about sex. My background was kind of like that too and sex education was lacking for me as a teenager. Well being naive ended up with me getting pregnant.

I think depending on safe and not safe days as a method of birth control is risky and could backfire. You might consider getting a couple of condoms and keeping them in your purse. Then the next time you are about to have sex, hand him one and tell him to put it on. (or you can put it on him yourself). Otherwise you might actually need to buy those diapers mentioned above

It is easy to say there is nothing to be ashamed of when talking about sex, but in some cultures it is still sort of a taboo subject. Really though it is a natural human function and no worse than talking about eating or sleeping. You really don't have to be ashamed and really need to talk about this if you are going to have sex with a guy. The consequences of not having that conversation are much to severe. It is ok for you to bring up the subject, If you wait for him it may not happen

Katie

I reread op agaiin and am puzzled.

I understand communication difficulties.

But your method does not work around them!!!

How. Do you telll him sex is supposedly allowed? That is communication.

Get on the Pill!!! It is totally within your control, requires no communication, and is MUCH more effective and requires 20 seconds a day to take unlike your long and cumbersome routine of taking and tracking your t.

And you can have sex every day.

A clear winner.

This isn't a foolproof method as sperm can live inside you for a few days so it might hang around until an unsafe day.

Katie

In other words, you have two distinct problems

1) your so called method is bad
2) you have communication difficulties

1) is on fire, can lead to disastrous consequences and can be solved completely in one several days by getting on the Pill
2) is not on fire once you solve (1) but it definitely would be nice, over time, to make an effort to at least make references to sex when you talk. (2) is not solvable in a couple of days

To be honest, if you can't talk about it then you probably shouldn't be doing it.