[@nonymous]

I'm wondering about the connection between the 100+ lbs of body fat that I want to lose and my sexual avoidance. Since I'm HIV- I don't want to risk contracting the virus. My doctor told me that while a latex barrier reduces the risk, it is not eliminated entirely. I'm wondering if I'm doomed to a life of solo sex only. Maybe I'm afraid that if I lost the fat I'd get laid too much or in a dangerous way?
Does anyone have any insights?

[bebop]

could be some of both. but to me hiv is way more scarier than being overweight! I can deal with my extra weight sexually but if I was single I am not sure I would go out having sex with or without protection.

[Rhapsody]

Many people use extra body weight (fat) to avoid intimacy and to keep them feeling safe from sex.... you maybe feeling that you will not wanted sexually if you remain over weight, therefore, you keep the extra weight around as a means of protection from the opposite sex.

[Karissa258]

I'm very overweight as well, and also have some yucky scars, so the last thing I want to do is show myself naked to anyone. Some of my issues are cropping back up, and are interfering with my exercise routine -- otherwise, I'd be exercising more often -- I was actually losing weight there for a while! It was working! Yay!

Did you have any bad experiences with sex in the past, that make you want to avoid it now?

[fireinsideasnowball]

Really like the replies on this thread, they each add an important aspect to the question and I can so identify. Using extra bodyweight to avoid intimacy and issues that get in the way of keeping up exercise routines - I hear ya! In fact, the google search that led me to this site started off with questions about motivation and support communities for people with mental health difficulties trying to exercise regularly and stuff. At the moment I'm in so much avoidance, and I have problems with my body image. I'm a gay man and I instinctively know that my shape is what stands between me and intimacy. Most people looking at me wouldn't think I was overweight, but I cover my belly pretty well (spend a lot of time sucking it in, which over time has affected my breathing - crazy )and it's only when I undress that the truth of my real shape comes out. And yet I avoid really doing anything about it and have done for a long time now.

So yeh, I agree that it's connected to keeping real intimacy at arm's length and one thing I'd really love is to get some help with my disinclination to follow exercise programmes to address the issue. But that could be a tough one coz it all started back in school and is a long-standing issue for me.

Best wishes to anybody dealing in this area. I feel for you.

[theama]

I'm overweight as well (need to lose 60lbs, already lost 30 lbs!) and I've been all my life - I've used it as a shield.
It has stopped me from getting back into the dating scene, but as soon as I'm in bed with someone - I really don't give it a though.
And girl, LOTS of men like bigger women.
Confidence is the key to being sexy and attractive.

And what does HIV have to do with it?! If we were too scared to get infected with an STD or get pregnant to have sex... what a sad life.