"sex buddies." is it a no go area?

long story short, yesterday me and a close guy friend both decided to become sex buddies - friends that casually kiss, make out etc (not litterally sex at this age) for fun, basically. no strings attatched. i dont find it akward but i was wondering... has anyone out there had an experience of this gone particularly well or wrong? hes not the kinda guy that'll pressure me; if i say no, he accepts it and moves on
so do you think its a bad idea in the long run? im not having doubts, im just curious..

love,
your L

x

bad idea I think. it could really ruin a good friendship

Been there done that, unfortunately more than once (because I'm stupid and it took me awhile to learn my lesson) -- it is never a good idea. One of you always ends up getting hurt or feeling used. You're worth more than casual physical relationships. Keep telling yourself that.

I'm going through this question at this very moment and it is sooo hard to know how to answer! I just made a post about it in "Relationships". I've been with this guy before and he's, um, very good! I wish I could help you but I'm at just as much of a loss for what to do.

its weird though.. its like... i dont exactly fancy him, im not in love with him, but (and this probably sounds cliched) i think i like the IDEA of being with him, in secret. i think he is good looking... but i dont know. now im kinda thinking about WHY i want this... recently i was sexually harassed by my best friends brother, and since havent had a proper relationship with a guy.. i decided to not tell anyone, but dont go to her house anymore, so i dont see him. i dont trust most men anymore, even family, apart from this guy.
by the way, im 15.

Is it possible you are doing this as means to try and trust a male/man again?

thats what im worried about.. and its like.. i just want to be able to feel WANTED by a guy.. but not have to worry about my heart being broken?
sorry... i kinda sound abit dumb...
why does everything have to be so damn confusing??

x

Where is your dad in all of this? - is he around or gone from the picture.

From experience, i can say that it is not that great of an idea.
I liked it at first, having the seductive secret meetings.
Knowing that he wanted me sort of made me feel special.... but later i realized, that there are those times when i was kept around for him to call late at night after everyone else he wanted has rejected him... he knows he can always get it from me (we are buddies). . . . so doest that make her a "special friend", or a last resort that will put out?

needless to say, I stopped this destructive behavoir years ago, and i would not suggest it to anyone. It CAN ruin friendships, spark jealousy, and possibly ruin the chance of starting up new relationships with other people. it can be had to get rid of a "sex buddy" because they will say, "lets just keep it between us"

Dont fall into it.

with my dad, well hes still with us, if thats what you mean. but ive gone from being (excuse the phrase) a complete "daddys girl" to hating him.
i cant talk to him
i cant have dinner at the same table as him
if we ever talk its arguing, but its just impossible to communicate
and tbh i dont know why. i just hate his guts

i think im gonna break it off with this guy, it doesnt sound worth it..
but if i am doing this to try and trust men again (and i know it does sound stupid at 15) :S
does anyone have any ideas how to do it in another way?
x

hon trust me at your age it really isn't a good idea to be having sex with anyone. I was a mother right after I turned 16. to me that is more of an issue than the sex with a friend. there are so many std's out there it just isn't worth it. I was looking for love too. it didn't happen. please rethink it all right now. wait til you are older.

i know, i guess. both me and him are still virgins and i do plan on staying that way until im completely ready. i tried to talk to him about ending all this but we just ended up kissing again. i dont know why, i dont even like him. i dont want sex. i dont think i even want the intimacy. but for some reason its kinda hard to let go :/

The way to start trusting men again is to have safe, healthy friendships with men who are worthy of your trust and who don't try to take advantage of you or use you in any way. Casual intimacy won't help you to trust men because it's not true to your real feelings, and eventually you will feel used. And it will stand in your way and keep you from developing the friendships and relationships that you need so that you can build trust.

if you don't want the intimacy don't do it. you have to be really sure of what you want in this kind of relationship.

i'll tell you my experience. i think buddies with actual sex is not a great idea when you're a teenager, but when i was around 19 i had a similar sort of relationship, like make-out buddies. (no sex.) it was a guy i was in a band with.

for me, to be honest it was a good time, and i look back on it fondly. if you're getting something out of it, you trust the guy and there's no risk of stds/pregnancy, i don't see the harm.

this may not apply to you, but i think a lot of the advice goes against this kind of thing, without considering the fact that girls have sex drives too. people conceive of it as this situation of whether the girl is willing to do something FOR this guy, without considering that she may want to do it for herself.

it's riskier for girls because we're the ones who get pregnant, and we're more at risk for being forced to do things we don't want to do. you should be sure you know this person well enough to try to be sure these things don't happen. that's just the reality of the world we live in.

but there are safe sexual things you can do as a teenage girl if you want to, and you shouldn't be ashamed to want to, IF you want to.

i trust him.
but ive just reallised he treats me like crap.
he *****es. hes horrible to me to my face sometimes too. he'll say sorry, but there you go.
and now it does seem i kinda of..need the intimacy.
im not horny or anything
i just want to be wanted. to be loved...
im not in love with him.
now im in love with this feeling.
i cant go without it...
im just so f*cking confused. i just want things to go back to how they were before. without all the lies. the heartbreak. the *****iness. the lonliness.

yeah, i hear you. but this does not sound like a good candidate for a 'friend with benefits'. or a friend at all, really.

exactly. but its like im completely desperate. tbh ive lost 90% of my friends in the past year... i just completely flipped and turned into a complete *****.. anyway; its like im taking all i can get. ive still got my 3 best schoolfriends. but i just want this because i feel like i want love. and i dont know how else to feel like im properly loved... even when im obviously not here.
sorry, im being a bit self obsessed atm. just had another bad day, emotional etc.

I might be a bit late on this one...
but I have been there and done that, and in my opinion.. the thing that always happens is someone gets too attached and the other person doesn't feel the same. Then the one with stronger feelings gets hurt. Friendships fall apart. Mutual friends take sides. No one I've ever met is mature enough to do this successfully.

Aside from the normal teenage urges and exploration, I think it's more important to find some self love and appreciation before expecting to find it from others. I know it's hard to do at the wonderful and tender age of 15. Communication is hard with parents, siblings, friends and with oneself. But it's not impossible.

No one out there in the world can give us everything we need. I believe we are responsible for helping ourselves and what we get from someone else is icing on the cake. If we become self reliant, self loving, self soothing, then we are much more capable of distinguishing between good and bad relationships. We provide boundaries for ourselves with others that are very important in keeping ourselves safe and happy. We also won't have the fear that if someone we have a relationship with leaves us, we won't fall apart because we know we can make it on our own. Granted, we would be sad and grieve over the loss, but it won't be all consuming and so devastating that we can't continue our daily lives.

I say all this to give you something to think about and grasp onto. I remember how crazy my head was at 15 (many eons ago LOL). Growing up is not an easy task....can be very confusing. I give you lots of credit for thinking, talking, getting advice....that was a very mature and responsible thing to do!

Wishing you well!


sabby

thanks for the advice... and yeah, its just something i dont feel like i can talk to friends about.
well im a bit worried right now tbh. im.. going out of control, if that makes any sense. i got very drunk the other night and made out with my friends brothers best friend too. so im probably gonna get called a slut at school.
im just doing everything wrong. i want to be loved. and i dont know how to do it without hurting people and getting hurt.