sexually confused * may trigger *

does anyone else feel extremely confused when it comes to sexual things . i have never been in a same sex relationship but sometimes i find myself attracted to people of the same sex . I am not sure if this is just because of past sexual abuse or if i am really attracted to people of the same sex or if it is more the personality that attracts me because i have been with the opposite sex although not very often willingly. does this make any sense to anyone ?

yes, it makes sense. i hear what you are saying.

i think that this is something to talk about and explore.

sexual abuse does not turn someone gay.

but there are is also that element of being attracted to those pple we feel most safe with. and if you don't feel safe with men, becasue of the abuse then...

so i can see where your confusion & questioing comes from.

I cannot answer or solve your questions, but wanted you to know that what you are saying makes sense to me.

Yes, you make sense. We can be attracted to a person for a totality of their personal characteristics, with that person's gender being a secondary factor. I'm bisexual, but I'm also asexual. I'm attracted to people of both genders, but that doesn't translate into my wanting to have sex with anybody.

It took me a very long time to get things sorted out. A person's sexual nature can be a truly complicated thing. But if you make the effort, you will eventually understand exactly who you are, whatever that may be.

Yes , it makes sense to me .

Sex is a very confusing subject, it is so complex and so deeply embedded into our subconscious. I have always been confused. The first person I found myself really sexually attracted to was the woman who lived next door to us when I was in my early teens. Had my first sexual encounter with an older man I think partly to show myself that I wasn’t a lesbian.
Confusion is natural, don’t try to force yourself in on direction or another, you are who you are, and time will sort things out.

I'm bisexual, equally attracted sexually to men and women. I would not , however, have an emotional relationship with a woman. It just doesn't appeal to me.

I have issues with my mother , and some theorists may say that by being sexually attracted to women I'm 'acting out' wanting the love from the one woman I could never have it from. The urge for wanting that mother's love becomes eroticised and becomes sexual attraction towards women.

I remain open minded to it.

Well... I would say I get you on that one...

I am a bit in a different position - I am transgender (even so I thought I might be a lesbian before), but had faced sexual and physical abuse in the past. My relatives believe because of the sexual abuse I am attracted to females and feel that I am male, because of some selfdefence reason.

I would say that, first of all, the main thing is to be happy and in balance with who ever attracts you and you have a relationship with. Also I see it like 50/50 who knows why it is like that. I been asked before if it's because abuse in the past or something, I say no, but I can never know for sure. It gave me confusion about my sexuality, however one time when it's started to become a real inside problem and out of control, I set down and just had a good talk with myself, my feeling... heart-to-hear so to say... Looked deep into such areas who am I really attracted to (including sexually, but not limited to that), how does it feel, how the fact of who I am attracted to makes me feel? What attracts me in female/male or both? What are examples of this attraction? Tryed to compare with some experience others describe as sexual attraction, love, relationship, family wise, etc. So that's how I got to the point that, yes, I do like specifically women, even got some strong understanding on why. Ofcourse if to analyze some things still will be unclear, like if you like female because of the idea of that warm care (that is special in female way and different from male), like for me I questioned is that because I didn't have close realtionship with my mother from the begining of teenage years and she wasn't there to protect me from abuse (which was from stepdads side)... so I thought if it's why I might seek women, but at the same time then the actual sexual feeling towards women makes that version strange... Or something in general in female personality attracts me... Actually I been questioning if I might be bi at one time, but got it more or less clear that it's nice to look at a good body male or female, might be intresting (like when a person in a very good shape, or has interesting look - for example like someone who you would imagen to be on a cover of a magazine with blond hear and blue eyes, etc.). Sometimes I might be attracted to the person and think about sexual as how would it be (in my case in terms of males), but then I never the less I go with someone who I am trully sexually attracted to which is mostly female... Somehow in the end I got to the point of just knowing who I like, and just being happy with a person who I have healthy sexual, emotional, friend-lover relationship with because I see it more important then bothering of who I am attracted to, actually then when I got kind of clear understanding that I am into females only.

Basically there is a lot of guessing that I think never can be 100% proven and understood...

In any case, hope that maybe my experience might somehow be helpful.

Wish you luck!