[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Had a few days were I was feeling somewhat low, just laying in bed and sleeping all day. Putting off household chores and things I needed to do. Anyway, I'm feeling a lot better today. I went grocery shopping and got stuff to make a vegetable shrimp pasta salad. Never had it before, hope it turns out good

My sister is going to get me some more hand soap and hand sanitizer. Thankful for that. It's easier for her to get around to stores since she drives. I do my grocery shopping and whatnot via the bus.

I got the laundry done today too! Have a lot of catching up to do in terms of cleaning due to that week of slacking.

I'm feeling good, motivated, positive.

I'm so glad, Blue_Bird! You sound much better.

[Soupe du jour]

When I walked out of our house to go to a doctor appointment, I saw that someone rammed into my husband's car door. Great! I went back inside to tell him, then had to set out. When I got home, a cop was there since my husband had to report it. They think it was one of the young people living in the adjoining house (shared driveway). It's very possible. We don't even know those young people well. Totally unfriendly grad students who are probably juvenile-like. If it was one of them, they sure thought it was OK to just leave the scene without even leaving a note....for THEIR NEIGHBOR. The cop left a card on their door and will follow-up with them.

I just want out of here, already!

Before I could pull my car out of the bay parking, I had to move some little kid's mini "jeep" from behind it. For some reason the parents of the kids that have recently moved into the area think it's OK for their kids to leave their toys, bikes, etc. in the roadway. There is lots of stuff scattered in the common property that belongs in their garages or toy boxes. Why don't parents care about this anymore? I was talking to the cop about it and he said this is more and more common and that "When he was young...."

Yea, I totally know what that means. Frankly, it's a wonder little kid jeep isn't stolen by someone or run over with a car....probably damaging their car.

[swimmingly]

Hi all,

Checking-in. Been a bit. Fired my Therapist last week for being ineffective and repeatedly not responding to requests from me to tailor the therapy to something that meshes with my needs. It just wasn't working so I actually used the words: "Unfortunately this isn't working out and you are essentially fired."

Since then, I've been interviewing other therapists (its hard to find them around here that are taking new patients) and rejecting them left and right. Today I decided on one that I meshed with and one that I think will really push me past boundaries and make me challenge myself. It will be painful, and it will be hard, but I think that's what I want/need. And get this ish. She gave me her cell phone and told me to text/call whenever I need to. That she was there for me. I was floored. I've never had that in the past.

I'm also working on pursuing a new prescriber. The new therapist is more holistic and less about meds, but I made it crystal clear that while I'm open to natural methods, I'm not open to stopping a medication approach. It's just not an option for me and I won't entertain it. Deal-breaker.

Other news. No depressive episodes yet, just continuous cycles of mania separated by a week and a half to two weeks of chill time. It's all dysphoria, but its something I've learned to live with.

I've been reading and sending hugs when energy fills me. But know that I send you all love and hugs in my own way, digital hugs be damned. I root for each and every one of you.

[Sunflower123]

I decided that I can’t live in fear any longer. I rescheduled my diagnostic test for Thursday. I will take considerable precautions against the virus but I’m over the fear.

My daughter left a few hours ago after a two day visit. I cried even though I tried hard not to. Very sad. There are 28 cases of COVID on her campus already and school doesn’t start until tomorrow. I’m not concerned about my daughter as they have a good response plan in place. I bet the farm that it won’t be long before they are doing distance learning though.

Warmest regards to all and hugs to those that are struggling.

[Soupe du jour]

I am starting to hate my father. I basically told my sister that. We learned that he is fine, neurologically. That fact makes his past and current actions all the more abominable. If he doesn't start treating my siblings and I better, I will have to say goodbye to him. I can no longer tolerate such disrespect, not only towards my siblings and me, but towards the memory of my beloved mother that we lost almost 15 years ago.

I am glad that my husband and I will be moving far far away. I never want to return to this place I am from, if I can help it. It has been my downfall. I leave it in the dust and only take with me the good memories that are that. Memories.

Yes. Like a bird, I will fly away to a better place for a better and healthier home. There, I WILL dance to a new and happier song.

[Living in LaLa Land]

Yesterday I had my first group meeting via Internet. It looks promising. I felt welcomed. I had a bit of a crisis though. I hate taking Seroquel at night before bed (I only have two weeks left before I'm completely off) as it doesn't always help with sleep and I hate the side effects. Anyway, I called a crisis hotline connected to my group and the lady calmed me a bit from the ledge, although I think I'll go through the same thing every night until I'm done.

Still weaning off Seroquel. Tonight's my last night on 50 mg. Tomorrow night I'll start on 25 mg to zero in two weeks. Anxiety's approaching as I don't know what to expect on 25 mg, but I cannot wait to get the hell off this medication.

It's hot as hell in Southern California, but with the help of a portable air conditioner, I don't have hot nights in my bedroom.

I hope everyone's okay.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

When I walked out of our house to go to a doctor appointment, I saw that someone rammed into my husband's car door. Great! I went back inside to tell him, then had to set out. When I got home, a cop was there since my husband had to report it. They think it was one of the young people living in the adjoining house (shared driveway). It's very possible. We don't even know those young people well. Totally unfriendly grad students who are probably juvenile-like. If it was one of them, they sure thought it was OK to just leave the scene without even leaving a note....for THEIR NEIGHBOR. The cop left a card on their door and will follow-up with them.

I just want out of here, already!

Before I could pull my car out of the bay parking, I had to move some little kid's mini "jeep" from behind it. For some reason the parents of the kids that have recently moved into the area think it's OK for their kids to leave their toys, bikes, etc. in the roadway. There is lots of stuff scattered in the common property that belongs in their garages or toy boxes. Why don't parents care about this anymore? I was talking to the cop about it and he said this is more and more common and that "When he was young...."

Yea, I totally know what that means. Frankly, it's a wonder little kid jeep isn't stolen by someone or run over with a car....probably damaging their car.

Neighbors...

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I am starting to hate my father. I basically told my sister that. We learned that he is fine, neurologically. That fact makes his past and current actions all the more abominable. If he doesn't start treating my siblings and I better, I will have to say goodbye to him. I can no longer tolerate such disrespect, not only towards my siblings and me, but towards the memory of my beloved mother that we lost almost 15 years ago.

I am glad that my husband and I will be moving far far away. I never want to return to this place I am from, if I can help it. It has been my downfall. I leave it in the dust and only take with me the good memories that are that. Memories.

Yes. Like a bird, I will fly away to a better place for a better and healthier home. There, I WILL dance to a new and happier song.

I am so sorry about your father, Soupe. And I am hearing Jennifer Warnes sing about birdies.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Living in LaLa Land

Yesterday I had my first group meeting via Internet. It looks promising. I felt welcomed. I had a bit of a crisis though. I hate taking Seroquel at night before bed (I only have two weeks left before I'm completely off) as it doesn't always help with sleep and I hate the side effects. Anyway, I called a crisis hotline connected to my group and the lady calmed me a bit from the ledge, although I think I'll go through the same thing every night until I'm done.

Still weaning off Seroquel. Tonight's my last night on 50 mg. Tomorrow night I'll start on 25 mg to zero in two weeks. Anxiety's approaching as I don't know what to expect on 25 mg, but I cannot wait to get the hell off this medication.

It's hot as hell in Southern California, but with the help of a portable air conditioner, I don't have hot nights in my bedroom.

I hope everyone's okay.

Hugs, La La.

[Victoria'smom]

I have therapy tomorrow and pdoc. I don't know how it's going to go after last week. I'm not delusional but there's still a tightness in my chest and feel like I'm going to cry. I wasn't writing on PC today because I was home alone. I did beautifully there.

It feels like a new start today. It's mostly because the weather has turned very cool and it seems like Summer is over. It's going down to 10 Celsius (50 Fahrenheit) tonight! It's getting dark earlier. Also i moved many storage items from the balcony inside in preparation for repairs out there so it seems different inside too. I'm in long pants and long sleeves for the first time since Spring. Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiice and cozy!

I welcome the change! Here in Ontario we get dramatic seasonal change so it seems like a whole new world four times a year. I was eager for my Fall hypomania but now i've been remembering what bad judgement i have during them and i am going to do what i can to keep it as tame as possible.

I kept at my mindfulness meditation today. I tried to play Scrabble mindfully for the first time and felt faint pleasure. I noticed how complex it was.

@swimmingly: You sure sound happy. Glad you found someone new to work with and that they seem promising.

@Jennifer 1967: Sorry you cried when your daughter left. But if she goes to online learning she'll be able to visit again soon?

@Soupe du jour: Glad you're so excited about moving. I wish i could share it with you but the memory of my own failed attempt to move across country in 1999 gets in the way. There's a lot that's different about our situations tho so i will keep my reservations to myself and and wish you well!

Hugs to all who struggle!

[~Christina]

I cant really talk right now. I'm far past the half life of Latuda I took for a week, I'm just in a rage, Pure rage .. I talk to my T tomorrow and he will send a message to My Pdoc. I want something that literally knocks me down and I can lay there and drool.. I would love to kick holes in my walls and I have never felt like this..

I have never been this furious in my life .. UGH!

Rage upon rage upon rage.

Thanks in advance for any support I seriously don't think I will be able to come back to see Thanks, hugs or kind words and reply because right now I want to shatter my laptop.

Rageeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I cant really talk right now. I'm far past the half life of Latuda I took for a week, I'm just in a rage, Pure rage .. I talk to my T tomorrow and he will send a message to My Pdoc. I want something that literally knocks me down and I can lay there and drool.. I would love to kick holes in my walls and I have never felt like this..

I have never been this furious in my life .. UGH!

Rage upon rage upon rage.

Thanks in advance for any support I seriously don't think I will be able to come back to see Thanks, hugs or kind words and reply because right now I want to shatter my laptop.

Rageeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

I was right there yest morning. Pure rage. Wanted to destroy my apt, kick holes in walls, shatter stuff. Later, I realized what was under it was terror, in my case, terror of not being able to treat my depression. It was really fear.

Sending calming GABA waves wafting thru Middle TN. Hugs. And I will continue to pray for you and Steve, as I do every night, whatever that is worth.

Peace.

[*Beth*]

Coughing on smoke, ash falling; it looks like snowflakes. 3 wildfires between 16 and 40 miles from my town. There's ash on my pillow. The poor cats are on edge from the smoke smell, and from the helicopters flying over. None of us can relax enough to sleep. My head hurts from the smoke.

It's truly a bizarre feeling when you can't get away from a stinking, toxic environment that you're inhaling with every breath. The sun was red today and the moon is obscured by the smoke.This is most likely going to be the rest of the summer, or longer.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Coughing on smoke, ash falling; it looks like snowflakes. 3 wildfires between 16 and 40 miles from my town. There's ash on my pillow. The poor cats are on edge from the smoke smell, and from the helicopters flying over. None of us can relax enough to sleep. My head hurts from the smoke.

It's truly a bizarre feeling when you can't get away from a stinking, toxic environment that you're inhaling with every breath. The sun was red today and the moon is obscured by the smoke.This is most likely going to be the rest of the summer, or longer.

Hugs, Beth. Please be careful!!!!!

[bpcyclist]

Fell asleep watching blazer game. Guess we beat Lakers. Albert woke me crying for sttention
So, up now. Maybemore sleepyzzzxz later.

I have just finished responding to a survey for a friend's course she is doing

it really tested my patience... it was over 100 questions, and by question 10 or 11, I was like why am I doing this?

but I did do it and so now she has my response

today it is raining, and trust me, we really need it after the heatwave we've been having (yes guys, england has heatwaves too. lol)

doing.... absolutely nothing

currently on the forum, emails open, listening to music

[Moose72]

Hello, All! I am up! I think I'll go get Starbucks! Shouldnt be much of a line!

[unlived]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I have just finished responding to a survey for a friend's course she is doing

it really tested my patience... it was over 100 questions, and by question 10 or 11, I was like why am I doing this?

but I did do it and so now she has my response

today it is raining, and trust me, we really need it after the heatwave we've been having (yes guys, england has heatwaves too. lol)

doing.... absolutely nothing

currently on the forum, emails open, listening to music

But what is classed as a heatwave in England? We had a hot English day in the news here in aus and it was only around 30 Celsius so just curious how hot it does get? Here it’s a heatwave if it’s like mid 40s. I always wanted to move to England coz I liked the weather but with global warming it doesn’t seem so nice anymore.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by unlived

But what is classed as a heatwave in England? We had a hot English day in the news here in aus and it was only around 30 Celsius so just curious how hot it does get? Here it’s a heatwave if it’s like mid 40s. I always wanted to move to England coz I liked the weather but with global warming it doesn’t seem so nice anymore.

Been in London when it was blistering hot...

[bpcyclist]

Finally sleepied--hooray!!

Gotta buy new tire today. Got 2 bad ones frm amazon.

Hugs and luv!!!

[Mountaindewed]

I took 20 milligrams of melatonin last night but spread out. 10 milligrams around 4:00 Then I woke up feeling sick as **** but I decided to watch AGT. I drank a Coke. Then I took another 5 milligrams at 10. Then the last 5 at 11:45. I woke up this morning feeling sick but I drank a Mountain Dew. Then I had an iced latte at 8. I’ve been on the couch though since 8. I feel ok mood and anxiety wise though and I’ve been taking it easy on the Xanax and visteral. I’ve just been over doing it on other things. I think I should see a doctor if things don’t improve. I think I may have something legit going on

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I took 20 milligrams of melatonin last night but spread out. 10 milligrams around 4:00 Then I woke up feeling sick as **** but I decided to watch AGT. I drank a Coke. Then I took another 5 milligrams at 10. Then the last 5 at 11:45. I woke up this morning feeling sick but I drank a Mountain Dew. Then I had an iced latte at 8. I’ve been on the couch though since 8. I feel ok mood and anxiety wise though and I’ve been taking it easy on the Xanax and visteral. I’ve just been over doing it on other things. I think I should see a doctor if things don’t improve. I think I may have something legit going on

Have you googled programs in your area yet? Pls do that today. Action now!

Hugs!

[FluffyDinosaur]

Originally Posted by unlived

But what is classed as a heatwave in England? We had a hot English day in the news here in aus and it was only around 30 Celsius so just curious how hot it does get? Here it’s a heatwave if it’s like mid 40s. I always wanted to move to England coz I liked the weather but with global warming it doesn’t seem so nice anymore.

It's usually very humid though. I'll take a dry 40 degrees over a humid 30 degrees any day.

[FluffyDinosaur]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I took 20 milligrams of melatonin last night but spread out. 10 milligrams around 4:00 Then I woke up feeling sick as **** but I decided to watch AGT. I drank a Coke. Then I took another 5 milligrams at 10. Then the last 5 at 11:45. I woke up this morning feeling sick but I drank a Mountain Dew. Then I had an iced latte at 8. I’ve been on the couch though since 8. I feel ok mood and anxiety wise though and I’ve been taking it easy on the Xanax and visteral. I’ve just been over doing it on other things. I think I should see a doctor if things don’t improve. I think I may have something legit going on

I've been trying melatonin as well so I can take a break from the benzos. Unfortunately it doesn't stop me from waking up every 1.5 hours but at least I manage to fall asleep again instead of being awake for half the night. I'm not sure if I want to be taking melatonin long-term either though. Don't want to mess up my own melatonin production. I saw an article that said there's a link between bipolar and hypersensitivity in melatonin production as affected by light. That would explain why the long summer days mess me up so badly. It's kind of nice after having people tell me it's "impossible" to be so affected by it.