[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Did the now-usual Seroquel/ZzzQuil combo. Slept hard and dreamt that I was watching a tennis match between Robert Plant and Robin Williams

!

[Living in LaLa Land]

Originally Posted by BethRags

If I was in your shoes, I'd take them an hour before bedtime tonight.

Good luck, I hope it goes well.

Thank you. My husband told me to do the same. But, I didn't know whether to see how my night goes or not.

[Victoria'smom]

Hugs, MM. Do you do a support group?
__________________
No I worry about competitiveness and my distrust stands in the way.

[~Christina]

Rage has decreased finally, there is still some left so I will stay on Seroquel for now. I'll just continue to sleep 14+ hours a day or more and yawn the few hours a day I'm upright.

I am just stuck in a Seroquel Stupor and not really verbal right now. I'm reading when I can. Hopefully I'll be back to being supportive soon.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Living in LaLa Land

Thank you. My husband told me to do the same. But, I didn't know whether to see how my night goes or not.

The problem I've found when I try to sleep, can't, and finally take something to help me fall asleep is that it takes at least an hour before it kicks in. Then I have an uncomfortable hangover the next day. But that's me and no doubt has something to do with the meds I'm on.

[Living in LaLa Land]

Originally Posted by BethRags

The problem I've found when I try to sleep, can't, and finally take something to help me fall asleep is that it takes at least an hour before it kicks in. Then I have an uncomfortable hangover the next day. But that's me and no doubt has something to do with the meds I'm on.

I have nowhere to go tomorrow. I might have a hangover because I plan to take something near midnight. Oh well.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Living in LaLa Land

I have nowhere to go tomorrow. I might have a hangover because I plan to take something near midnight. Oh well.

I hope it goes well. It's a big advantage when you don't have to be anywhere.

[Tucson]

I have been going through an episode of sunstantial depression. It has lasted a few weeks so far. I hope my depression does not get bad enough where I cannot work. This would be terrible!

Some clothes i ordered arrived yesterday. I have one of the tops on. I really like it! I forgot how nice it is to have new things. It's just a navy sweatshirt but it's comfy and cozy and matches my navy sweatpants. The clothes were a necessity but also a belated birthday present. I feel a bit better about my birthday, which was dreadful.

I got my balcony all cleared off in preparation for the repairs starting tomorrow. I took my dog out twice already today and i didn't mind. She 'asked' for the balcony right after i brought her in the second time tho. There's no way she had to go. I told her No and she stopped. She's resting now. She seems comfortable. I love her. I'm worried about taking her out tonight tho. It's pitch black out there! Eee!

@Soupe du jour: You sound so busy! Life sure is moving along for you. Big changes. I have my fingers crossed for you!

Another insane day. Still haven’t had contact with case manager for medical leave or accommodations. No documents have been sent to have filled out. Today was supposed to be my first day back to work. When I call I get a message about not being verified and it cuts the call. I literally cannot contact them. No one in the building actually deals with leaves, and so that doesn’t help either.

I tried the employee resource number and they wouldn’t talk to me because I “failed verification” by providing my information. I went into work 3 hours early. I waited for HR as the sign said they were in a meeting. Turns out, they don’t come in on sundays.

The first person I talked to just couldn’t understand me I guess. She kept saying the same thing that didn’t answer my questions. I know she couldn’t do much but she made me feel so detached from reality. I was gonna have to struggle through this alone. I mean I’m trying to explain I cannot get the phone line to even connect for a person and she keeps pushing , you have to call this number. I tell her my reservations about starting today without a doctors release to come to work (or any documentation whatsoever!) response? Call this number and your case manager will probably be back by September 3. How does that help now!?! I started having a panic attack. After 30 minutes and with complete dread and fear I went back and just begged to talk to someone in a sit down fashion because I was really shaken up and I just needed to feel what I needed was being heard. The second guy are a lot more helpful.

I started it outright with how upset and frustrated I am and it’s the situation that’s has my emotions high and that I would try to be as clear as possible and calm. He understood. Long story short, they don’t have access and unless I tell them , they don’t get to know what my leave is for. I had no intention of telling him but I think he could kind of figure it out based on the situation. I explained I was expecting some accommodations before coming back to work and I am not so comfortable returning without at least talk of that and how I’ve tried and been unable to be in contact with my case manager. Luckily, he had just as much trouble trying to get anything. It was clear my case hasn’t even been touched. I called and he called and both failed. He saw first hand I truly couldn’t reach out.

Despite the email saying I return today, the system has me coded as still on leave for the rest of the week. So basically he sent an email to everyone and their brother to get this taken care of. He excused me for the next few days until we can get this taken care of. He said he has a leave of absence not too long ago and it was a headache for him too.

I still have an open HR case that’s supposedly being sent to higher ups. I requested an update on that.

The manager I filed a formal complaint on stopped me in the hall and asked me how I was, and followed up with “I’ll check in on your later”. I know it was innocent enough, honestly — but with my panic attack mode having been activated I found his questioning of how my weekend was and his want to check in later intrusive and intimidating considering our rocky interactions.

I’m glad I was cleared to leave and didn’t have to see him again tonight. Again, I don’t think he’s in the wrong here, but It did contribute to very negative and scary feelings.

Let’s just hope things work out. Since day one nothing has went right, we’ll see.

That’s about it.

I am so hungry I could eat a horse

my main meal yesterday was so small it made a mcdonalds happy meal look huge. thankfully, I have a delivery coming today of snacks, and as soon as it's here I'm just going to have to eat something.

no sleep, bad body pain, ditto yesterday

[Soupe du jour]

Somehow something always seems to be complicated. I want to sell my old car, that I paid off almost 20 years ago, but the title was never replaced to reflect that I paid it off. Also, my mother's name appears on the title I have. I think I'll need to get a copy of her death certificate (she died 15 years ago) in order to even be able to sell it. I hope it's not even more complicated than that (i.e. if my father became the co-owner). I paid for the thing 100% (she paid nothing). This is just a pain! Luckily, I don't have anything else associated with either of my parents.

Another busy day today. I wish I had a break. Last night I fell asleep at about 8 pm, and didn't officially get up until 7 am. I'm not depressed, but I feel so overwhelmed that I almost want to cry.

I might need to reschedule my nephrologist. It's a stupid video appointment. It will achieve little other than him telling me my blood test results, which I wish I could get directly, anyway. Just routine stuff.

Hubby got his hair cut yesterday in about 15 mins for about $35. I need mine done, too, but it will take well over an hour and cost a small fortune. So unfair! I've been telling my stylist to lighten it the last three times, but always leave there with my hair looking the exact same darkness. I'll be glad to stop seeing her if it is again the same. Hubby said to bring a photo. Hopefully that will help. It's not that she doesn't know how to lighten hair. She's a natural brunette and has her hair light blond. I want mine light golden brown. The last time I said it looked no different to her face, and she goes "Oh, it is! It will look lighter when it fully dries." It didn't.

[Gabyunbound]

I just wanted to thank you guys and this forum in general for the support I've received. I only go into about 2 episodes a year and usually don't post about them, but I'm glad I did this time.

After almost 3 weeks of hell, I've finally come out of it, as I said in my last post.

And I can now read (I couldn't focus before) and go back to taking walks, etc.

So just wanted to say thanks, you guys rock.

[bpcyclist]

Spectac visit w the best pal up in gorgeous Seattle. As stunning as Ptown and San Francisco are, I must confess Seattle may be the prettiest big city in America. And no rain! Yay! That NEVER happens up here.

Headed home on train. Hope Albert is not too sad.

Gaby--good for you for reaching out. We all need support. All of us. You rock.

Marcus--so proud of you for advocating for yourself. Companies that lack human support architecture are poorly managed, in my view. Fifth-rate and bogus. Hugs! Great job!

Whatever--glad you and Mr. Puppy dog are making it work. Yay!

Tucson--as u may know, I have 53 yrs of super badass depression under my belt. Based on that, I urge to take any kind of action early for your depression and not wait til it is awful. It always takes time to turn around, as u know. More exercise and a med shift come to mind maybe. Now is the time. Nip it now.

I am behind on posts and will get caught up. Oh yeah, Christina, still been praying for you guys every nt and so happy you are better. Hugs!

Lastly, my bud runs a big division of one of the largest banks in the world. He absolutely terrified me about his economy fears. Says we are in a huge stock AND bond market bubble and are in for a galaxy of hurt. Very, very scary. He says it will likely be worse than 2008. Possibly, much worse. Says noone knows this, but in April, the entire US banking system briefly nearly collapsed. Totally. Zoiks. Maybe try to save some money now while we still can or something.

Soupe--what about taking maybe like 2 prescribed breaks a day where you connect w a support source briefly. We had a pal on my Snapchat support grp in a panic attack yest. He had to go IP. Anyhoo, two of us were up late chatting w him and it really helped him ground and get breathing controlled. Maybe think about a 7-min break twice or sthing. You are doing awesome!

Time to catch choo choo. Oh yeah. My bud is a cycling genius. He fixed me so my tires have no tubes, called tubeless, oddly enough. They have self sealing slime in them so if you run over a nail or glass, it seals the hole immediatement. No more flats, Yay!

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Lastly, my bud runs a big division of one of the largest banks in the world. He absolutely terrified me about his economy fears. Says we are in a huge stock AND bond market bubble and are in for a galaxy of hurt. Very, very scary. He says it will likely be worse than 2008. Possibly, much worse. Says noone knows this, but in April, the entire US banking system briefly nearly collapsed. Totally. Zoiks. Maybe try to save some money now while we still can or something.

Soupe--what about taking maybe like 2 prescribed breaks a day where you connect w a support source briefly. We had a pal on my Snapchat support grp in a panic attack yest. He had to go IP. Anyhoo, two of us were up late chatting w him and it really helped him ground and get breathing controlled. Maybe think about a 7-min break twice or sthing. You are doing awesome!

Time to catch choo choo. Oh yeah. My bud is a cycling genius. He fixed me so my tires have no tubes, called tubeless, oddly enough. They have self sealing slime in them so if you run over a nail or glass, it seals the hole immediatement. No more flats, Yay!

That's great that you have your tires all set. You are set to continue your rides. Unstoppable! Yea, it is scary about the economy. No one asked for this to happen. It sucks when out of control things cause such hurt.

I'm trying to take a break right now, but have my phone spewing elevator music at me. I'm trying to reach a DMV customer service rep. The recording said an hour wait. Hopefully my phone won't run out of juice by then. I'll go get my power cord in a few. It's better to wait on the phone than wait for an hour in a line at the DMV only to be told I don't have everything I need, and need to come back.

[Mountaindewed]

I feel pretty good today. I wonder if I just hate weekends. Yesterday I emailed my food log to my therapist. I was really hesitant to email her since it was the weekend even though she told me to send it to her 3 times a week. So I sent just the food log and that I was doing well, worn out and tired but doing good. I didn’t ask her any questions or for a reply or anything. and I actually got a pretty long and a very nice reply within 15 minutes of sending it. She hardly replies as it is and never on the weekend. I think she may have felt bad for the session last week and then the email. So I feel good now about things but I wonder if I am still getting mixed signals or if she’s being a bit toxic. She has said before that she gets moody at times and can get a bit angry and mean.

But today I am doing fine. I took my Geodon and got back to sleep which is always very helpful.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I feel pretty good today. I wonder if I just hate weekends. Yesterday I emailed my food log to my therapist. I was really hesitant to email her since it was the weekend even though she told me to send it to her 3 times a week. So I sent just the food log and that I was doing well, worn out and tired but doing good. I didn’t ask her any questions or for a reply or anything. and I actually got a pretty long and a very nice reply within 15 minutes of sending it. She hardly replies as it is and never on the weekend. I think she may have felt bad for the session last week and then the email. So I feel good now about things but I wonder if I am still getting mixed signals or if she’s being a bit toxic. She has said before that she gets moody at times and can get a bit angry and mean.

But today I am doing fine.

Good job, MD!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Somehow something always seems to be complicated. I want to sell my old car, that I paid off almost 20 years ago, but the title was never replaced to reflect that I paid it off. Also, my mother's name appears on the title I have. I think I'll need to get a copy of her death certificate (she died 15 years ago) in order to even be able to sell it. I hope it's not even more complicated than that (i.e. if my father became the co-owner). I paid for the thing 100% (she paid nothing). This is just a pain! Luckily, I don't have anything else associated with either of my parents.

Another busy day today. I wish I had a break. Last night I fell asleep at about 8 pm, and didn't officially get up until 7 am. I'm not depressed, but I feel so overwhelmed that I almost want to cry.

I might need to reschedule my nephrologist. It's a stupid video appointment. It will achieve little other than him telling me my blood test results, which I wish I could get directly, anyway. Just routine stuff.

Hubby got his hair cut yesterday in about 15 mins for about $35. I need mine done, too, but it will take well over an hour and cost a small fortune. So unfair! I've been telling my stylist to lighten it the last three times, but always leave there with my hair looking the exact same darkness. I'll be glad to stop seeing her if it is again the same. Hubby said to bring a photo. Hopefully that will help. It's not that she doesn't know how to lighten hair. She's a natural brunette and has her hair light blond. I want mine light golden brown. The last time I said it looked no different to her face, and she goes "Oh, it is! It will look lighter when it fully dries." It didn't.

Sorry your feeling overwhelmed, You have been on the go for a while now. BP or not trying to pick out realtor, getting quotes and just the sheer work of going though years of stuff. I legit would fit what I needed in my car and drive off and let whoever buy it do what they want with the rest LOL

Does the title of the car say " and" your mom? usually there is an " or" if so you need not worry about selling it by yourself and no need to get proof she has passed..

Can you take a day off from making calls, Quotes? going through belongings to decide what to keep or get rid of ??

Cut yourself some slack

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Sorry your feeling overwhelmed, You have been on the go for a while now. BP or not trying to pick out realtor, getting quotes and just the sheer work of going though years of stuff. I legit would fit what I needed in my car and drive off and let whoever buy it do what they want with the rest LOL

Does the title of the car say " and" your mom? usually there is an " or" if so you need not worry about selling it by yourself and no need to get proof she has passed..

Can you take a day off from making calls, Quotes? going through belongings to decide what to keep or get rid of ??

Cut yourself some slack

Thanks, Christina I will try to take it easy until 6 pm"ish" today and much of tomorrow. Then it's whirlwind, I'm afraid. Total whirlwind! One good thing that was actually MY idea was to take a TGV train from Paris to Barcelona instead of a flight. During that trip (6 hours) we can sit back and watch the French countryside go by, with coffee or a glass of wine and meals. Barcelona (if we can get there due to covid-19 issues) may be eliminated from the trip. Czech Republic will be as rough as it comes (family/friend visits, looking for apartments, etc.). We also go to Munich, Germany to visit his brother who is quite ill. Never a pleasant kind of visit! When we get home, it's going to be insane.

My car's title does include my mother. She co-signed so I could get the car loan. [I was 25 back then.]. When I go to the DMV (early in the morning), I'm going to go with everything possible, including my mom's death certificate, the title, a copy of my translated marriage certificate (the title has my maiden name and I was married in Europe), an old passport with my maiden name, etc. Hopefully they won't have to deal with my marriage certificate again, though. My married name is a bit complex. Since I was married in Czech Republic, my Czech married name is slightly different than my husband's family name. Women almost always have the letters "ova" or "va" added to the end of their husband's name in Czech. It means "of" or "belonging to". An example is the famous tennis player Martina Navratilova vs. her father's last name Navratil. My marriage certificate explains this. In the US, I use my husband's family name without the "ova". In Czech Republic, my passport will still omit the "ova", but everyone there will add it, anyway and pronounce it a bit differently.

[falcon09]

got prescribed klonopin 1mg

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by falcon09

got prescribed klonopin 1mg

I hope that helps. I recently realized that my sedation may be completely from gabapentin and klonopin and not clozapine as I assumed. But when I thought about it I'm on a lot of other sedatives besides clozapine and I went on the gabapentin mostly after going on clozapine. I think I went from 400 mg of gabapentin before clozapine to 1200 mg now. So hopefully you just need a boost too.

[Sunflower123]

I had my follow up diagnostic tests done today. I was there from 1:45 to 4:00....so irritating. The technician let slip that one of the spots has disappeared and the other one looks like a cyst. I see the surgeon Thursday for a final opinion but I think it’s all good. Relieved.

Hugs to all.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I had my follow up diagnostic tests done today. I was there from 1:45 to 4:00....so irritating. The technician let slip that one of the spots has disappeared and the other one looks like a cyst. I see the surgeon Thursday for a final opinion but I think it’s all good. Relieved.

Hugs to all.

Oh, yay, Jennifer.

How is your depression doing now?

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I had my follow up diagnostic tests done today. I was there from 1:45 to 4:00....so irritating. The technician let slip that one of the spots has disappeared and the other one looks like a cyst. I see the surgeon Thursday for a final opinion but I think it’s all good. Relieved.

That's great news!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I had my follow up diagnostic tests done today. I was there from 1:45 to 4:00....so irritating. The technician let slip that one of the spots has disappeared and the other one looks like a cyst. I see the surgeon Thursday for a final opinion but I think it’s all good. Relieved.

That's great news!