[Blue93]

So i've been having nightmares for years now so its nothing new... Can't say they don't bother me anymore though. But sometimes there's one that bothers me even more then the 'normal' nightmares i have pretty much every night. And this one always is pretty much the same with maybe slight variation in it... always leaves me gasping for breath in terror when i wake up.. really does take me a few minutes to calm down and realise it was 'just' another nightmare.

please use caution reading, there's a bunch of triggers in here!



First im 14 and i watch my father beating my brother to death.. (this is a variation on something that actually happened to me not my brother, except i Almost died..)
Then im about 4 or 5 and my father r*pes me for the first time..
Then it goes to my 'funeral', and there's no one there, just someone to toss me in the grave, im like looking at it as if ima ghost watching my own funeral. Then i'm in the hole they dugg, alive and the guy is throwing the sand on top of me.. Doesnt seem to hear or see me though so just continues.
Then i'm 16, i dream about the last guy that r*ped me except he gets caught while doing this and the guy who caught him just laughs and yells at other people to come watch this and a bunch of teachers and students all enter the room to watch and laugh...
Then im 14 again and our fosterparents of that time come over to me holding a hot ... poke? (you know used to stirr the wood in a fireplace) and uses it to burn my eye. (I did lose sight in one eye here actually but it happened differently.. they did use the thing to burn me with on my back and arms..)
Then its just a bunch of seemingly random images and really short 'videos' of me getting r*ped again by a bunch of people, at diff ages..

Then i wake up covered in sweat and totally terrified.. I don't know why this nightmare feels so much worse to me then other ones.
There's not really much explaining needed as to why i have this dream as its just memories of the past or twisted versions on it but it feels so much worse then the 'regular' nightmares i used to get... No clue why though.
Sorry. just needed to get it out i guess...

I cannot recall if you are receiving professional help. Hope you are getting the help you need.

[ruffy]

Are you taking any medicines that have nightmares as a side effect? If so, is it possible it may be triggering the frequency of your nightmares? No doubt the content of those nightmares are linked to terrible memories of your past. So sorry for your pain.

[Blue93]

no.. no medicine

http://www.dreammoods.com/