[2MuchCoffee]

I've been separated from my soon-to-be-ex for over a year now. We were together/married for almost 13 years. For most of the last year, I've been numb to the whole thing. But just recently the pain has started. Some have told me that this is normal and just signifies bits of reality finally sinking in and my psyche starting to process the grief. So maybe this recent nightmare is part of that...?

An old recurring nightmare has come back in a fresh way, revolving around my divorce. Ever since I found out my husband had been cheating on me for the first 3 years of our marriage, I've had recurring nightmares about him cheating. They are all different scenarios and events, but all involve me being extremely angry and in the dream becoming physically violent. I always wake up and feel "icky" about the whole thing for the rest of the day, sometimes even more mad at him in real life.

A little background: During our entire separation my soon-to-be-ex has constantly denied that he's been dating anyone, even though I have evidence that proves otherwise all the way back to less than 2 months after I moved out last year. I don't care, really, that he's been dating - I have too - but I'm just so tired of him lying and pretending. It's insulting! The kids have told me about at least one woman that they've spent significant time with, I've seen a woman's belongings in his truck and he mistakenly sent me text messages that were not meant for me. If ya kwim.

So in this new nightmare, I once again confront my soon-to-be-ex about his new girlfriend, just wanting him to tell the truth already. This time I explain to him that if he could just come out with it, it would help us both get more grip on the reality of our situation and continue moving on with our lives. Well, in the dream the girlfriend turns out to be his first wife! So to me it's a double-insult now, especially because now they're all so in love again *gag*. I become extremely angry and begin taking my vengeance out on objects around me and on my ex. His first wife gets in the way at one point so I start slapping her and then I'm slapping him, screaming obscenities and calling him names. Then I'm yelling about "all the lies", I'm so tired of all the lies.

The end of the dream is actually kinda funny, but still has some meaning I'm sure. I'm running around the house gathering my belongings I still have left there (in real life I do still have a few things at the old house, he still lives there and it's in foreclosure under both our names). One of the boxes has my sex toys in it , I grab it and say something like "And she can't have any of THESE either!"

I would appreciate any input/insight anyone might have here.