[aimeeislost]

i have horrible nightmares every single time i fall asleep whether at night or when i lay down for a nap with my son. i often wake up in a frantic sweat, and it takes me a moment to realize it was only a dream.
these dreams usually consist of the men in my life. my father, my boyfriend, and my brother.

i dream that my father beats me up really bad (used to be abusive), that he hates me, thaT HE WILL KICK ME OUT OR DOES. oops caps. that he leaves me and my son on the side of the road after driving, and the worst of all is the dream where i am a child and he molests me or i am an adult and he rapes me.... which has never happened and no, i dont believe it is any type of repressed memory.

the ones of my boyfriend are he cheats on me without guilt and gloats in my face about it, he beats me, rapes me, tries to take my son from me, doesn't love me.... basically any bad situation with a partner.

my brother i dream that he hates me (i look up to him) or that he dies... which is worse (he's in the military)

i know i have the bad dreams because of depression but i always wonder why i dream such horrible things that have never happened or show signs of may happening.

it's just strange.

[Sunna]

I don't know why your subconscious is so relentless. If I had this happening to me, I would seek a help of a hypnotherapist, not regular shrink, because most regular therapists talk to the wrong kind of mind.

It's a kind of funky field, hypnotherapy. It includes everything from cheap club acts, canned recordings to help people lose weight or stop smoking, and limited clinical techniques to help recall fuzzy memories, but there are some quite advanced hypnotherapy systems to facilitate dialague with the subconscious mind, the inner wounded child, the wise inner elder, and other aspects of our wholeness.

I had one session with a guy who does a thing called Alchemical Hypnotherapy. Was really cool, helped me understand the role of my horrible mother in my sweets addiction, and gave me some tools for dealing. He put me in trance and had me imagine walking down the dark stairs, lower and lower, till I reached the bottom, and there was a room, and in the room, he told me, would be my younger self, and then he suggested to open the door, and describe what I see. And I saw maybe a five year old plump child, crying, with her face covered in chocolate, grasping a chocolate bar. Then I was her, and talking to the hypnotherapist about my mom, and how I hate her, and the part of me that was adult understood the mother-chocolate replacement. So then the therapist asked me, the adult, to make up an ideal, wonderful loving mother for that lonely child. I did, and we brought the child to this beautiful loving mom, and they were on the beach, the kid happy, the mom so tender and sweet and they played together. Oh somewhere before that we had the child push away the bad mother (she was a really strange thing, more like a caricature)

I am telling you so you know how sessions may look like. I have no idea what scenario could be employed to help with your persistent dreams, that one was mine for chocolates/sweets addiction. During the whole session I was always aware of what was happening, and knew I can stop at any time. It was most like daydreaming. The emotions though were surprisingly vivid. In no way was my will being subjugated. It was all gentle suggestions: "and now, if you would like, let yourself..." I remembered everything he said and I said (though had hard time believing I really said the things I said when playing the 5 year old). It was really like dreaming, except I was in control of it, and the hypnotherapist was just helping to move things along - but I the one creating dream scenery. If you can close your eyes and visualize things, say a tree, or a rose, it is very likely you will do well.

And as to effectiveness. Well, I can tell you that the impulse to dive into chocolate or ice-cream when I feel lost or lonely is certainly gone. I still have issues with overeating, but not as a response to these formerly triggering emotions.