Been having nightmares lately. Usually I don't remember my dreams. These are really disturbing. Give me a bad, doomed feeling in the morning and every time I remember it throughout the day. I have quit smoking cigarettes in the last month and am using the patch. It says vivid dreams are a side effect. So I guess I will have to endure, day by day. Maybe I am working out some suppressed memories which seems to make sense by the content of the nightmares. Just wish I understood them a little better.

[medkev13]

I could help if I had the dream details. :P

Well, they're really shameful. But perhaps I could yada yada over those details a little, for my own sake. Just because you have a dream about something evil does not mean that you are evil...I tell myself lately lol. Well, in the dream, my mom was a saint. She was in sparkly light surrounded by a cloud of holiness. My dad was surrounded in darkness and anger. Then my dad started to act inappropriately towards me repeatedly. I wanted to tell my mom, but she was so holy, and I loved her. I could not find the words to express what was happening, as I did not know the nature of the acts specifically, I just knew something was wrong. Then I felt paralyzed and helpless. I was pacing around in a panic saying over and over "HOW AM I GONNA GET OUT OF THIS!!!! HOW? HOW? HOW?!!!!!!!" I was distraught. Then I woke up. Any advice is appreciated.

[medkev13]

Rule #1 - Never feel ashamed of your dreams.

First, I see you're a survivor as listed in your concerns. That probably has something to do with your dad's dream behavior. Moreso, though, I think this could be a fear that you are relating to the traits you see in your father. I'll get back to that in a minute, though...

You don't have to answer this out loud - Was your father the abuser in your past (or even someone in a male authority role)?

So the first thing I see is the possibility of latent emoitons coming back up from your past. How did you see your mom in your childhood? How did you see your dad? You don't have to answer those out loud. I could see this reflecting how you might not have wanted to bring anything up for fear of tearing apart your parents. It's not really all that uncommon; we see it in children of divorced parents all the time.

But we now have to remember that dreams are more about ourselves than they are about our past or other people. Sooooo - you are clearly projecting your father's traits as bad and your mother's as good. I'd be willing to make a wager that you fear becoming the type of person your father was when you grew up. I'd also make a side-bet that you're struggling with opening up to the maternal, feminine side that you relate to your mother. These are two separate issues, but in the end it doesn't take anythign terribly complex to overcome the duality of your situation.

First, I'd like to put out a disclaimer :: Dealing with memories of abuse can be dangerous and when done incorrectly can cause more harm than good. I recommend seeking a therapist for help when addressing anything or anyone involved with the original trauma...

Communication is what can bridge the gaps between your mother's personality, yourself, and your father's personality. You may not even have to ACTUALLY bring up the past with them. That's up to your therapist. Just working through the process of communication can clarify the images like what came in your dream and provide deeper insight.

Aside from that, remember that even your shadow-self images (i.e. - your father surrounded by dark anger) are only there because you need to assimilate tehm with your psyche. Ask yourself how the traits you see as bad in your father can be turned into strengths, and THEN ask yourself how you can embody and express those in yourself. Since this is a duality dream, also ask yourself how the good traits you see in your mother are capable of mellowing out the bad in your father, and how they are making you unapproachable.

It's entirely possible that this has nothing to do with your past trauma....or that your past trauma didn't involve your parents. I think the shadow self and the maternal self at the end would still apply.

Oh, and for future reference, if you feel uncomfortable putting your dream out here, you can always private message the dream to me for interpretation without making the details public.