[Kamidogu]

I had a dream I got into a fight and got a phone call.

The fight took place at some chicken restaurant. This guy who was like an Irish Jim Parsons (Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory) copped an attitude with me and it culminated in him starting a fight with me. The fight dragged into the restroom where I defeated him but something bothered me about it. My blows felt too weak to even dent paper. I felt as if I was barely doing anything to damage him and was having a large amount of trouble putting him on the floor. I tried blows, kicks, headlocks, jointlocks, takedowns, throws-- he was virtually unfazed and I was growing more tired. At some point he sort of gave out and everyone at the restaurant commented on how pointless the fight was.

The phone call was from a girl I liked, but my insanity, selfishness, inappropriate behavior, and depression caused her to hate me. All I did was apologize for being the largest rooster in the world but she really wouldn't have any of it. People in my house were gearing up to celebrate... something, I don't know, Thanksgiving or Christmas or something big. All I felt was a hollow knowing that, not only was I being ignored when I sought forgiveness, I felt I didn't deserve forgiveness anymore. I still feel that way, that I'm no longer deserving of mercy, kindness, forgiveness, or any type of redemption.

[Thunder Bow]

When you were growing up, the idea that you are "Not Good Enough" got imprinted on you. That Imprint is just a shadow from your past and is not even relevent to you then or today.