[WhiteClouds]

Not sure what happen with the post from earlier. To no avail I'll give a brief summary to have my question answered. I'm married and have been for some time now. I've been seeing my Therapist for almost a year now.
For the part several months I keep having vivid dreams of being intimate with him. I don't know if this is normal or not. I'm very worried that maybe I'm crossing some patient/ Therapist boundary. Or am I becoming attracted to this man or something. I don't know. All I know is, I'm embarrassed. Heaven forbid i will never tell this man about these dreams. I'm afraid he'll tell me to never return or look at me like I'm some perv or something.
I'm open to any input. Is this normal? Do I need to change meds or something? Please. Thank you.

[myopicdreams]

Hi there :-) I am sorry you've had to wait so long for an answer. It is actually quite normal to dream or even develop feelings for your therapist. In "therapist speak" we call this sort of reaction "transference" and it is considered an important part of the working relationship. Romantic/sexual dreams or fantasies about the therapist are one of the most common types of transference and, while it is never ethical or acceptable for the therapist to act on those dreams or fantasies, it is widely believed that the therapeutic relationship allows the client to experience a kind of reparative healing through the development and evolution of relationships.

So, for example, if you have relational problems that have led you to believe that you will be treated badly, can't rely on others, will not be respected, and will always be abused then the experience of a surrogate "transference" relationship (with no actual sexual contact) should help you to see that it is possible to experience a different kind of relationship with a man/woman. The other most common variation is when you start to feel like your therapist is a mom or dad figure.

I can assure you that your therapist should know that this is a normal and potentially positive development in your relationship and I encourage you to bring this into the therapy session- though you certainly don't have to- as it will likely be helpful in your progress.

Now, I don't know what you are in therapy for but I have one curiousity that comes from your post-- is feeling shame or embarrassment about something you have no control over a normal part of your life? Do you usually (or sometimes) feel anxious like this about your emotional responses?

I'm not asking you to answer those here but, if you were my client, these are the concerns I would have based on your post... They may be valuable things to talk about in therapy, whether or not you tell him about your dreams.

Last, I hope what you get from this reply is that your dreams and questions are very normal and expectable parts of therapy that in no way indicate that you want or secretly desire a romantic relationship with your therapist. In fact, it would be very damaging for that to happen.

I hope this eases your anxiety and that you continue to develop a strong and trustworthy therapeutic relationship

Originally Posted by WhiteClouds

Not sure what happen with the post from earlier. To no avail I'll give a brief summary to have my question answered. I'm married and have been for some time now. I've been seeing my Therapist for almost a year now.
For the part several months I keep having vivid dreams of being intimate with him. I don't know if this is normal or not. I'm very worried that maybe I'm crossing some patient/ Therapist boundary. Or am I becoming attracted to this man or something. I don't know. All I know is, I'm embarrassed. Heaven forbid i will never tell this man about these dreams. I'm afraid he'll tell me to never return or look at me like I'm some perv or something.
I'm open to any input. Is this normal? Do I need to change meds or something? Please. Thank you.