[unfuntionablytired]

When i was around 13-14, I had a great dream. So fantastic it slapped me into depression immediately after. In fact, that was the root of my mental illnesses. I flew over forests and snow and just beautiful nature scenery, and parts where nature met the concrete wasteland and the streets reflected light, and they were all places Id never witnessed personally. It was euphoric and i remember it to this day vividly. Im only 16 now so it want too long ago. After that I tried harnessing my dreams and acquiring awareness, which totally worked. Every night i can very easily slip into lucidity or out of body experiences, but i stopped for a few months because i always found myself stuck in sleep paralysis at one point of the night and it was unbearable. My awareness hasnt left me though and ive found that every morning when i wake up, im unable to tell apart reality from dreams. I still receive a rush of anxiety at awakening, but im so dull dull dull down depressed that im viewing life and dreams through the same half closed eyes all the time. And these are what my dreams have been like every every single night for the past too long. Have you seen that movie the hunger games? where the girl gets sung by the wasp and shes hallucinating repeats of things and everythings slowed down and silent but loud? Thats how my dreams are. Im slowed down and m eyes are half closed and im tired and im about to fall asleep during everything that occurs in my dreams, but im still moving on and trudging through my drowsiness while im conscious. trip right? does anyone else get this? And the weird part is, i wake up about 50 times during sleep. everytime i roll around , my eyes open and i observe my room. think a negative thought and go back to sleep and am thrusted back into these slow mo vivid dreams. They feel like im super super high while dreaming. During the day i slip into this mindset or.. view point. While being driven to school, or writing, or right now. ugh

That sounds amazing, yet I could see how the depression could hit. States of beautiful lucid dreaming, being limitless in an infinite landscape of the surreal world...and then...boom. Reality is there yet again.

I've always wanted to lucid dream and have tried the exercises before sleep to no avail. However, I do sometimes waver between a dream-like state and a cold waking reality state. I don't think this is mental illness, but rather subconscious expanding and overlapping into my waking state. I don't feel drowsy however, but clear. Or maybe I'm seeing reality differently, for how it really is? Trip is right...

So how can you get back there and still get the rest you need? Is lucid dreaming part of REM sleep? Maybe you're not sleeping properly?

I think I know too little about this. But I can offer a listening ear.