[misskrome]

When he came into the office, he found me passed-out on the exam table. I had been up for three days, this time. The Lithium desperately needed to be adjusted but we were still waiting for the blood test results. He said I looked like hell. I hadn't the strength to beg him for something... anything to help me sleep. Since I was a child, I have been dealing with terrible insomnia. I cannot sleep until my body and mind are completely worn out. It takes days, sometimes a week for it to happen, then, if I'm lucky, I get a few hours. He prescribed me a small dose of Valium but only for 10 days so I don't become dependent on it. I told him the last thing I needed was to have to rely on a medicine to get some shut-eye. It will be a temporary fix but I have no idea what to do after that. I have had terrible reactions and allergies to almost all standard medications (SSRIs, SNRIs, antipsychotics, etc.) with no luck. At one point, a bullet to the brain seemed like the only solution. I'm over that (at least for the time being) and still searching for something that can help me. It's no doubt my bipolar disorder is incredibly severe. The ridiculous amount of institutionalizations should go without saying. I want to check into EST for desperate measures. I don't think my insurance is going to help me there but it's worth a try. So frustrated.