[Faking sane]

I rarely remember dreams (but the few I do remember are quite vivid), but I have/have had some recurring dreams and I wonder about those...

The one the plagues me currently is the rejection dream. I catch my husband in our house quite comfortably cuddling up to another woman on the couch. She is not much different than me physically, except for hair color. The only difference between she and I seems to be that she has her act together, while I am an emotional mess. They don't seem at all disturbed, or even aware, that I'm there. He walks her to the door, tenderly kisses her goodbye, and walks right past my crumpled-up figure on the floor. He is completely cold to my agony, and seems unaffected by losing his relationship with me. He pries me away from anything I try to take hold of, refuses to discuss anything with me, and kicks me out the back door.
... I always wake up in a crying panic attack from this one. It even wakes my husband up. In years gone by, we had long conversations of whether he was cheating on me and how sad it had made me that he could just walk away from me so easily. He'd remind me that it was a dream, and hold me until I went back to sleep. These days, our communication about it is much shorter. I quiet my sobs and try to get my breathing back to good, and he puts his hand flat in the middle of my back on my skin for support.
Recently, since starting the clonazapam, I had the dream again, but it was different. This time, I came in through the back door. Tony got up and asked me how my day was. I got nervous for a second as we entered the living room, but nobody else was there. It did wake me up, but with no panic. I just laid there for a minute thinking about it, feeling like maybe what he was trying to put out of his life was my unstable behavior, not me. Maybe I WAS the woman on the couch with him, but just a more put together version of me. Whatever things he sees in me that makes him stay even when I'm impossible

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[Thunder Bow]

Good interpertation. She is you. Your mind is seeing you differently than you want to see yourself as. You letting go of the Idea that you are an emotional mess etc...Know that you have Healed, and you are much better off emotionally than you think you are.