Two year anniversary

Today was 2 years exactly to the date that I was put through a cold turkey withdrawal off klonopin. I had been on it for 23 years, incredibly. That seems hard to believe now. I remember that day that I was told that I would no longer get the dose I was taking, I was trapped in a so called mental health facility that looked like a dungeon. That day was so nightmarish and I felt really sick when I was told that, a sinking sick feeling that I will never forget. I knew that I was sunk and in for a hellish time, just had no idea how really hellish that it was going to be.

Now that I have gone through the acute withdrawal phase and now trying to let my body heal, I realize that many of my lingering symptoms could very well be due to my horrific insomnia. During a typical week, I can have three days and nights in a row that I simply do not sleep well at all, plus hallucinations during the night and cannot even nap during the day. Having gone on 2 years now, it has to be dragging me down. I have many scary symptoms that were not present before including heart issues with palpitations. Shortness of breath and wheezes all the time. These are all more pronounced after 3 nights of little sleep. No medications help, even benadryl messes with serotonin and causes psychological distress in me. Other sleep meds like trazodone make me feel like a zombie and causes other problems like increased depersonalization.

I have my list of remaining symptoms, I don't feel the need to share them or ruminate about them. Obsessing over them won't help me. I do feel extremely unlucky that I was put on a medication to "help" with severe anxiety and emotional distress that ended up being too addicting for me to control. Once I was past the point of the doctor giving it to me and having taken it too long to go off of it myself, it was too late. I had no idea taking it for the stress I was experiencing it at that time could change my brain chemistry, alter my whole personality and exacerbate an underlying mental illness. Basically it is at the root of what changed who I am and destroyed my career and basically my whole future.

Having said all that, I have to believe that there is hope for me. I am way better than I was two years ago. My thinking is much clearer and the symptoms are going away very slowly. I think I could heal much better as I said if I could just somehow find a cure for the insomnia. Chronic and long term sleep deprivation is very harmful to the body and I think that it what I am experiencing now. What is truly amazing is that still at this point with true physical illnesses that I have is that I do not believe that any medical doctor could or would help me, in any way. That makes me really angry because a medical treatment is what caused all this.

I'm sorry for what you've gone through.

Thanks Breadfish. I didn't mean to look for pity, I guess just understanding. Thanks for your post.

I am scratching my head and trying to figure out how a withdrawal syndrome issue belongs in "Sleep issue and dream interpretation" I am sure this is a no man's land for my post. Yes insomnia is a part of it.

You done well. True, some doctors are all to quick to prescribe a drug, Be careful about starting a medication, seek a 2nd opinion. You are healing. Over time, I think your sleeping will improve.

Yes I have definitely learned a hard lesson about taking medication. This will never happen to me again, I promise!

The sleeping has to improve or I think I am just going to die from complications of insomnia. That is not a documented cause I do not think but I sure feel like death a lot of days for no other explainable reason.

I feel really angry today for some reason, 4 nights now of restlessness is bringing me down. It seems like everyone and everything is bringing me down. The world seems really harsh right now.

Be sure to look at real life situations you are in.They alone, can cause much anger and anxiety. Some times feeling restless, means it is time to move on from those situations.

I would love to move on from the situation that I am in but I am definitely stuck in it with no way out.

If there is a will, there is a way. Work on it, over time it will happen. There is no quick fix.