[x123]

When I remember my dreams, I am often shocked by how negative they are. It's no wonder that I wake up sometimes feeling depressed if I had dreams like that all night.

In my case, I always dream about going back to college at my current age to finish learning those things that I should have learned but did not learn. I'm usually wandering around the campus lost. Everybody else is young and sharp and I am old and dull. People treat me like I'm in the way. In one version of this dream, the college was a cemetery and the dorm rooms were crypts.

I had a hard time graduating from college. It took me 6 years instead of 4, and I had to withdraw twice for a break. I just barely managed to finish, because I was so depressed. The last two years, I took the easiest classes I could find so that I could meet the minimal requirements and graduate and hopefully find a job. I had wanted to learn all about math and science, but I didn't.

I've been dreaming that depressing dream for 25 years (including last night)

[Thunder Bow]

In real life you are probably wandering around feeling bad about yourself. You continue to feel bad about yourself by comparing yourself to others. In real life all those reasons to feel bad about yourself are now all dead and buried. All you can do now, is to compare yourself to others, to keep yourself feeling bad about yourself.

[x123]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

In real life you are probably wandering around feeling bad about yourself. You continue to feel bad about yourself by comparing yourself to others. In real life all those reasons to feel bad about yourself are now all dead and buried. All you can do now, is to compare yourself to others, to keep yourself feeling bad about yourself.

Hmmm. That's true. Sometimes when I fantasize about suicide, my motivation is simply that I am so disgusted with myself - like if you are writing on a piece of paper and it gets so messed up that you angrily wad it up and throw it in the trash.