[ladyrevan21]

Yeah, I admit that I don't remember much of this dream (it seems to be a recurring pattern, I guess, unless the dream is really horrific). But I dreamed about some strange sort of mixture between the Christmas holidays and my brother's birthday, my mom, my aunt, my brother and I were in the living room, the Fifty Shades of Gray movie turned out to be one of the presents for some reason (I haven't read the books or watched the movies, for the record), there was a strange moment where

Possible trigger:

I somehow ended up without a pajama top on and I think my mom actually squeezed one of my breasts. I feel disgusted even typing this.

And even in the dream, I wasn't sure if it actually happened or not.

There was also a moment earlier in the dream where I was in this sort of environment that reminded me a lot of the videogame American McGee's Alice, I was kind of in Alice's perspective but I was definitely more...shrunken, I guess. And trying to avoid enemies. There was something odd about my environment as well in terms of it being almost like a chessboard. And I mostly had to access that world through the sink drain. There was also a part where I was looking at what kind of movies to watch and one copy of The Little Mermaid (Disney version) included some sort of toy aquarium with it where you could put in a toy fish.

That's what I remember; it was a bizarre dream. And I'm sure there's probably more about it I'm not quite remembering.

[medkev13]

So, first - what's your perspective on the 50 shades movie? Do you see it more as a taboo, or just a book/movie? Are you opposed to it? Are you apathetic?

-In- the dream what was the emotional/thought response to your mom's actions? Again - sexual things don't directly translate to sex or attraction in the waking world. I'd bet it was more some relation to the dilemma in relating to and connecting with your mother.

The Alice perspective could be the projection of how you feel you're having to interact with the world. Are you feeling under pressure or threat in life, having to avoid certain people or act certain ways that don't feel natural?
---> The Little Mermaid -> "Part of your world." ->toy fish, which is by definition fake and not real. ---> Is there a situation you're trying to be part of/participate in that requires you pretend to be something you aren't?

[ladyrevan21]

I see it as just a craze. Though I honestly don't like the way it presents BDSM relationships, as well as the terrible writing in the book. (Like Vogon poetry levels of bad) I haven't seen the movie.

In terms of how I felt, I felt disgusted, felt as if I shouldn't have been, and wondered if it actually happened. I feel under pressure to reconcile with my mother and act normal, recover my history, be independent, get published, things like that. And I have to pretend everything's normal to...everyone, actually, while I'm getting through this. Mostly I'm trying to be part of people who don't doubt their parents/have someone to run to when they're breaking down. I guess in the end I feel a bit alone at times. I think I've always had a bit of that also as a kid, because I felt awkward about socializing with people (I've gotten better at that though now) and in my teens, I felt kind of different because of my opinions on things. That and that one moment I didn't feel feminine enough thanks to stuff like Gone Girl (that godawful "cool girl" speech, for instance, which boils down to if you don't act like a female stereotype, you're somehow disappointing women. I really do hate that book so much. Amy...she just kind of brings back some unpleasant memories, and for someone who rants about the "cool girl", she really is an unpleasant stereotypical female character herself. And talking about this brings back a good memory between me and my mom, tying it all back, because I ranted about the book to her and we at least had a chuckle over that) and someone else (a woman, for the record) saying that women basically can't watch Internet review shows. And...a lot of other stuff. So I have issues with my own identity (not gender identity, but who I am as a person). I do wish I could fit in sometimes and be like other people.

[medkev13]

#42istheanswer

:P

Sounds to me like you're starting to follow the root of your nightmares.

[ladyrevan21]

Ha! Nice.

And yeah, remarkably, as I analyze my nightmares, it's as if I'm recovering more memories. Which is a plus. And I'm realizing how deeply some issues really affect me. And who I am as a person.

[medkev13]

"recovering more memories"...."And who I am as a person"

This is what Jung calls assimilating into the Self. (okay, that's a paraphrased version, but you get the idea). When you address your dreams, you open yourself up to bringing in those aspects of yourself and adding them to the whole of your psyche (what he termed "the Self"). Doing so is quite a healing process ^_^

Quite happy for you!

[ladyrevan21]

Oh, heck yes! That is awesome. And thank you so much.