[ladyrevan21]

Can't remember much of it except for the Disney Princesses showing up for some reason, and Snow White deciding to get defiant and angry. Also, mermaids (or some sort of underwater people) listening to radios and such that looked like glowing pearls. I also ended up losing a crown in the ocean, stuff like that. I might have tossed it into the ocean in anger and defiance or something. That's the most I can remember, at least.

[Thunder Bow]

Snow White is you in the dream. Some times you are defiant in real life. However, you are listening to your inner voice and wisdom. You throw your crown in to the sea when you do not want to feel good about yourself.

[ladyrevan21]

I definitely hope I'm listening to my inner voice and wisdom. Sometimes I do wonder if I can trust it because I've never been able to gauge myself. I've always been aware of how off and different I am, especially compared to others. It really came to the forefront in stuff like...probably 2000-2014. So probably since I was a kid. I admit my inner voice is actually kind of at war with itself at the moment, which is frustrating. And I guess sometimes I think I don't deserve to feel good until I reach the end of straight down the rabbit hole, wherever it is.

[Thunder Bow]

You know that you deserve to feel good, and much more. You are healing, and as you do, that feeling will fade away. You already know, that that feeling is rooted in your childhood.

[ladyrevan21]

I don't know if not deserving to feel good is rooted back in my child years (I'm avoiding childhood because I don't want to accidentally rhyme. ) but I think that feeling of being stupid definitely is. So's the matter of feeling like I can't trust myself. So's the feeling of being wrong and different -- my earliest remembrance is at least first grade, and that was from the way my teacher treated me. But I know it goes back earlier. I think it is just weird that I decided to go on this for something else and ended up here. Maybe...well, maybe it's just because of the fact we're all pretty complex. We've all got a lot of factors and such that make us who we are.

And thank you. I guess part of that also was just...when I was first doing research about what I was originally concerned about, there was this one page, this one awful page (and granted, the author of the page made other nonsensical statements, so I'm wondering if he also needed some sort of therapy. I don't think I can even repeat some of what he said because it's so offensive) that suggested that I would be letting myself down if I felt good -- and other pages seemed to suggest that if you weren't in therapy 24/7 and poring over your life 24/7, you weren't doing something right. Which is ridiculous. I guess I was also sort of beating myself up (which leads to that one horrible nightmare I had -- it's a literal representation of what I've been doing...pretty much my whole life).

I guess the more I really look at my life, the more I realize that I definitely went through some major crap. I am at least healing from the stuff I'm certain of. I'm frustrated with the stuff that I'm not certain of, and hopefully my mind can be forthcoming about that. (I don't really believe in the minds-protecting-us stuff, though. I mean, it might be different for some people, but not really me)

[Thunder Bow]

Feeling bad about oneself is like an friend, it is a feeling that is hard to say goodbye to.

[ladyrevan21]

Yeah. And all things considered, the sort of friend that might actually be bad for me.