advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
MuddyBoots
Petulant She-Devil
 
MuddyBoots's Avatar
MuddyBoots Birth the colorful violence of a sinful creation
 
Member Since: Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,003 (SuperPoster!)
3 yr Member
4,769 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 16, 2023 at 07:01 AM
  #1
I know why I can't sleep.
1) I've been hypo/manic/mixed for like 7 months now. One of the symptoms is lack of (need for) sleep. The need for bit is kinda silly becase you don't feel like you need sleep but meanwhile your symptoms get worse and your attention span goes downhill and your thoughts get bizarre and your judgement leads to you getting punched in the face.
2) PTSD hypervigilance and nightmares. Not so much the nightmares anymore because prazosin, but it's still in the back of my mind that "if I sleep, I will relive these awful experiences."
3) ADHD racing thoughts/hyperactivity. Never settles.
4) Being afraid i won't wake up if I fall asleep. Too many overdoses (I'm sober now but falling asleep kinda brings me back to that), too many unsafe environments.

How do I fix this? How logn will it take? Is it possible?
I do the yoga and the other exercising, I listen to o the postr-ock and the beethoven for the bedtime, I don't eat the large meals before bed, I stay away from screens before bedtime (though I admit if I can't sleep I do give up on this one), I journal to try and get my thoughts out, I go to therapy, I take meds, I get in my jammies, brush my teeth, floss, and either read, write, or color before bed every night.

But still cars go by and I jump awake, my mind says to me"must. practice. piano...GO LOOK UP SHEETS. PLAY GUITAR. PRINT OUT TABS. PRACTICE BENDING THE HARP!!!! TRANSPOSE AND COMPOSE LIKE NO TOMORROW!!!!!! You don't need sleep. You don't need food. You don't need rest. There ain't no rest for hte weicked and ain't nobody wickeder than you, sweetie pie "

But I'm giving up on music.

But seriously I thought I didn't need sleep but my hypomania is quickly turning into mania/rapid cycling again and my roommate was worried about leaving me alone today

__________________
Things are changing now, and I can't tell
where I'll be from here on out.
MuddyBoots is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
CANDC, FloatThruThis, Fuzzybear, Nammu

advertisement
CANDC
Super Moderator
Community Support Team
Community Liaison
Chat Leader
 
CANDC's Avatar
CANDC has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2014
Location: Northeast USA New England
Posts: 17,216 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
2,297 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 16, 2023 at 08:14 PM
  #2
@MuddyBoots mania can be serious. If there is extended times of no sleep or little sleep, it can get worse. Professional psychiatrist treatment help is the only way a friend got out of the manic cycle many times.

__________________
Super Moderator
Community Support Team

"Things Take Time"
CANDC is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
MuddyBoots
Petulant She-Devil
 
MuddyBoots's Avatar
MuddyBoots Birth the colorful violence of a sinful creation
 
Member Since: Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 4,003 (SuperPoster!)
3 yr Member
4,769 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 17, 2023 at 06:09 AM
  #3
TL;DR at bottom

I know, we've been working on this for literally months on end now.

Haldol had to go for side effects. Vraylar wasn't effective, fluphenazine made me restless but it's good as a PRN but my doc is taking me off it because she's adding another antipsychotic and she knows I don't like being on 3, I refuse to take anything that causes weight gain (most APs, depakote) because I have pretty severe bulimia and don't want to go down that road of binging/purging 4x a day and tearing my esophagus and shytting myself and passing out in the middle of the woods again, lithium gives me a life threatening reaction, allergic to risperidone/paliperidone/tegretol, lurasidone/asenapine/topiramate don't work.

My doc just gave me a sample pack of Fanapt but mostly for "psychotic stuff" (that I don't eve think is schizo/bipolar), and so far all it's done is give me blurry vision and make me feel weak, tired, clumsy, and fall down twice. On the first day of the starter pack. I took day two this morning hoping I'd get used to it but I'm calling my psychiatrist when they open. (It's not 100% that it's the med doing this. My calorie total over the past 4 days is about 2200 and
Possible trigger:
).

I don't even think I have a true "bipolar disorder" or a true "schizoaffective disorder" like most people that respond to meds. I think I just abused my brain too much with TBIs, lack of sleep, trauma, and substances. Even though I've been told I have "classic bipolar" because it responds so well to lithium....which I can't take because it ****ed up my kidneys. But nothing else works and is tolerable.

Maybe I'll post this in psych meds, but anyone have any experiences with either geodon/ziprasidone or trileptal/oxcarbazepine when it comes to (hypo)mania/mixed states/rapid cycling? Side effects? Funny feelings with abilify/lamictal on board (chances are I'm stopping the fanapt).

I'm starting to think my "baseline" is just """""hypomania"""""" (racing thoughts, distractibility, hyperactivity, insomnia, hyperfocus, talking excessively, impulsivity, probably more ADHD stuff that just looks like hypomania to the untrained eye) and my "mania" is just hypomania and I'm really just a super hyperactive rare BP2 that doesn't do a lot of cycling. Then when I get the type of depression that takes away your thoughts and energy I look like a normal person that just could probably go without smelling like pond scum and week old salty pork chops. That happens like 4 weeks out of the year though. The rest is like I said, "omg can't sleep gotta print tabs for Creep and Wicked Game and Fast Car and Sweet Child O Mine, and Tennessee Whiskey and and and and and and and and and....but what about the harp? what kind of chord progressions can I come up with that have NEVER BEEN HEARD BEFORE? I'mma try and compose something using 18 basic scales in a single key... I choose A for Awesome!

But my sleep problems go wayyyyy beyond just mania as I have CLEARLY staccatoed out in my first post. I need to fix 'em all. Or cope with them. Or pirouette around them. Need legit advice not just "pdoc gotta do their job." because she is and I've been med compliant and even last night I took my PRN ativan and some melatonin and only got 3 hours of broken sleep.



TL;DR: Probably not even bipolar mania treated with meds, maybe just hypomania stacked on all other factors listed in first post. Tried most meds, trying the rest. I feel like my daytime schedule and sleep hygiene is sleep friendly but clearly that's not enough.

__________________
Things are changing now, and I can't tell
where I'll be from here on out.
MuddyBoots is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Fuzzybear
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,191 (SuperPoster!)
20 yr Member
81.1k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 17, 2023 at 07:50 AM
  #4

__________________
Fuzzybear is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:28 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.