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Michael2Wolves
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Default Oct 03, 2020 at 09:28 PM
  #1
So, I have a few questions regarding social anxiety that have come about as a result of reading through some of the posts on this thread.

The DSM-5 says that if social anxiety can be tied to a physical or medical cause (such as disfigurement, etc), it's not SA. I'm wondering what the opinion would be when you can tie it to specific events, instead, or something much more concrete, like, say a rap sheet following you around that prevents you from engaging in a normal life, whatever that is?

I can give a lot of concrete examples of when I would have the symptoms of SA during high school, or asking women out on dates, or even dancing--the idea of being seen doing anything that could be made fun of in any way was anxiety inducing to an extreme degree. Often, I was hyperaware all day every day in school, and eventually started skipping.

As I grow older and more bitter and isolated, that feeling of crushing loneliness only ever increases. Yes, I made quite the mess of my life when I was younger, legally-speaking, and now, I'm pretty sure that I've lived past my expiration date. I have no friends irl, and I don't ever seem to connect with people because I don't feel comfortable around others, and don't trust them knowing who I really am or with any of my secrets, so to speak, so even in a crowd, I still wear masks and isolate. My speech is not their speech. My conversations always revolve around weird shtako because I am obsessive (especially with theoretical physics--wikipedia is like crack for me. lol) and probably in some form of untreated psychosis or mental whatever. I am neurotic to an intolerable level--even I get tired of dealing with me. lol

Even if I were to get over the anxiety I experience around others and meeting new people (asking women out is over with for me; I don't ever bother anymore because it's just the same cycle over and over again where the rule is, Everybody Leaves Eventually), there's no one around I'm interested in talking to anymore, and sometimes I think I've crossed a point of no return with isolating as much as I do because I no longer know how to relate to people. I've tried hanging out with others who call me friend, but they play M:TG, and I'm bored out of my skull. I don't say anything when I'm there because there's nothing in their conversation I am interested in. And worst of all, I get more anxiety, and my anger is stirred, because it feels like I am being mocked because I have to see everyone else walking around married or dating, and that is something I will never have. I can feel my anxiety stirring even typing this. (Yes, I'm aware this is borderline behavior. Painfully aware.)

The other question is, what other considerations are there for DXing SA? I mean, I do okay in social situations, but the whole time, I'm counting down the minutes until I can return to my room at home and isolate. is that Anti-Social behavior? I want to be social, but I can't seem to find anyone that I really connect with anymore because everyone else my age has kids, has a career, house payments, a wife...all shtako I will never have. What happens if it is left untreated? I can't afford therapy, and medication is a no-no. I literally just quit smoking pot again three days ago.

TIA
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Wink Oct 06, 2020 at 12:12 AM
  #2
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Default Oct 07, 2020 at 10:54 AM
  #3
I don't think SA is due to an specific cause but a complex group of experiences a child has been experiencing as a response to on part, his own temperament and how this temperament interacted with what he received from the outside.
God!It's all predicted and dictated from the outside, we have to follow models that maybe don't fix with ourselves at all. So if there exists a contradiction between our inner and these models, we feel inadequate.
I think some people for a reason can wear a social mask but some other as us, we can't and feel guilty because we have the feeling that we failed.

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Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits.
Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance.

Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON)
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Default Jan 11, 2021 at 09:43 AM
  #4
hey micahael im in the same boat, i have no friends, havent had a friend in well over a decade.....my sociala anxiety is tough .....i am pretty cycnical about relationships, probabaly because i never had one (yeah still a virgin at 44) but anyway the best way for me to get the idea of relationships and dating out of my system is to realise how shallow these attractions are, its all about t!t And ***, it is basically a business transaction ...youve got this and this goign for you and the other partner has a certain amount going for them and its trade off.....eg i might be less attractive to the girl but she sees my salary as an attractive thing about me....anyway im stating the obvious here
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Default Jan 11, 2021 at 12:20 PM
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I cannot let go of the concept of relationship because after ruminating for so long and so deeply on subjects that people shy away from, I realize that we are defined not by our own words and actions but by the interaction with others, with how we are perceived. I want nothing from anyone but to be seen, in toto, and still have something found worthy of saving.

I've been watching Lost recently, and I just watched those episodes with Desmond telling Charlie he's gonna die. He explains that fate can be delayed, but never changed. He keeps saving Charlie's life from probabilities that he "remembers" because the detonation of the hatch allowed him to perceive time in a non-linear fashion (enter the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis). I say this because I get the feeling that I am Charlie. The Pattern has revealed things to me I should not know, and because I know them, everything is perceived as surreal. My fate is not a good one, and my attempts at relationships, making money, finding friends, et cetera, are all "Desmonds" I am trying out to change a fate I am locked to as surely as Sisyphus was chained to his stone wheel. I am trying to leave Wisconsin to Texas or somewhere where there is a lot of nothing (and I'm not at ground-zero for a nuclear strike: Kenosha is smack between Chicago and Milwaukee so if it isn't nuclear fire, it's fallout) because I have zero faith in my government, and in my fellow citizens, and yet, the Pattern attempts to lure me in. My boss just offered to give me 10% of the company when he retires because we had an argument in which I told him I have no future or hope of one because of past circumstances, and now, him doing that just makes me more aware that there exists some unforeseen doom hanging over me like the proverbial sword of Damocles.

I am just so tired of walking around always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and it always does. Probably developing acute paranoid schizophrenia at this point with as much as I obsess over my fears. Worse, the knowledge that there is something I've missed exists because that is the nature of mental illness, and I cannot afford to miss anything; this, in turn, leads to more rumination and obsession over all possibilities and angles of any given decision I am required to make, or any even that has happened or that I fear will happen. I am the type who obsesses over what people say to me, and then turn around and try to piece together why they chose the words they did to say what they said, even when trivial. This in turn allows me to make leaps of logic that I should not be able to, to gain glimpses of their personalities most others do not see, but nonetheless prove themselves valid to me during the course of the relationship. I am very good at "reading" people emotionally because of this and this only increases isolation further as I make inevitable comparisons between myself and others, with the conclusion being that I am not where I should be in life even though I have no idea what my life is supposed to look like beyond a few vague ideas and detestations about myself; I just know that this is not it. Like, everything is "off" a bit, but not in obvious ways.

I have my own demons to fight, and man, they have been kicking my ***, but I'm still here, trying and getting nowhere. Sure, at least I'm still trying, but that doesn't make me any less of a terrible person. Oh, you're trying? So what? You're only doing as expected, nothing extraordinary, and that means that I am just a terrible person. I feel constantly like I deserve nothing from anyone because of the demons that walk with me, no matter how hard I try to push them off a cliff. And every time someone gives me something, I feel undeserving. I hate not being able to be self-sufficient, and I have no possibilities of achieving self-sufficiency because I am stuck here from obligations owed to others and my own sense of duty.

I am tired. I want to rest, and there's nowhere for me to do so. This rolling stone isn't just not gathering moss, it is crumbling completely.
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Default Jan 11, 2021 at 04:14 PM
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This thread has been closed for administrative review.
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Default Jan 12, 2021 at 11:39 PM
  #7
The Community Support Team is now re-opening this thread. Please be supportive of the OP. Thanks everyone.
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Default Jan 21, 2021 at 02:17 AM
  #8
Social anxiety from what I have read about the diagnosis can be related to specific symptoms such as extreme fear of public speaking or fear of most social situations. My experience of symptoms includes extreme fear of public speaking, meeting new people, eating in front of others especially if don’t know them well, and often talking or speaking up at meetings with more than 5 people present. There are more symptoms to include eating alone, but if it’s a quiet corner in a coffee shop I’m ok.
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Default Jan 21, 2021 at 02:23 AM
  #9
OP, exposure therapy may help or try joining a group that does activities you enjoy such as kayaking or sailing or going bowling, but that may be difficult due to COVID. Well then think about ideas for activities you want to take part in that include social distancing too. It’s difficult now that’s for sure. In the past I did prefer more structured social events such as playing bunko or board games so I didn’t have to think about conversation that contributed to uncomfortable small talk, the bane of my existence at times.
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