[meetlaw]

Basically I was not properly socialized when I grew up. Therefore I have not been able to integrate myself into society. I feel comfortable in society doing a prescribed number of things. However, when I go beyond those things I feel anxious. For instance when driving I am afraid to look at anyone coming from the opposite direction. I have developed a habit of focusing my vision only on my side of the street. However I can only do this for so long until I get tired. When I inevitably let some driver in my sight it seems that that person is mad at me. It almost seems that people can pick up on my goal of not looking at them and try to enforce it as a rule. I spend my time away from the public in an extremely angry state. I feel the same about having certain thoughts.

[Yaowen]

Dear meetlaw,

I am terribly sorry that you are suffering from this heavy burden. Although I am not in your shoes and wouldn't want to trespass on the absolute uniqueness of your experience, I think I do suffer something a bit similar to what you describe, at least the vague fear of being punished. People who do not suffer from these kinds of things have no idea how awful they can be. I think you are very heroic to be bearing such a heavy, heavy burden. At the same time I hope you find some relief from your suffering. My suffering in this area has eased somewhat and is not as bad as before. My apologies if my poor words are not helpful to you. Hopefully others here will prove more helpful to you!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

[Marie123]

Seeing a therapist could help.

[Downtime]

Hello, it sounds like you have the choice now as an Adult to socialize a bit more and improve on what socialization you had as a young person. That is in your power. Its great you are here you can make more friends and increase your socialization. Working with a therapist in a small supportive group beyond Coronavirus might help you to feel more at ease too. But driving not looking at what's coming from the other side of the road sounds dangerous both to you and others. I would really encourage you to drive with someone else in the car to increase your sense of safety and that of other road users too. Failing that use public transport and let the bus driver be responsible for your transportation. No one can safely drive without being alert to others coming from the opposite direction, and it seems that your fears of inhibiting your safety and others. I feel very concerned for you and others on the road. take care.

[guy1111]

Wow, that sounds awful! I'm really sorry you suffer this way. I couldn't imagine feeling that much pressure from strangers. You are brave to open up here and tell your story. I hope you continue to seek help so you can get some relief from your burden. I know how it feels to be damaged from your childhood. I have found alot of help here and with therapists. Some days, though, I just wish it would all go away. Hang in there! You are stronger than most people to fight back!